The Trousers of Thomas.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 14274, 13 August 1910, Page 2 (Supplement)

The Trousers of Thomas.

(By A. M. Xankivell.) iMYs. Thoimn lirniirht tiiem ehr-f.p from :v clotiiier who iv a « solium "if. :iml hrou-lii them homo lor Thomas m wear on Sundays and Bank Holidays. And. when he saw them. Thomas,' who n, not at the best of times a very strollman. fell, absolutely ill.

Me said they gave him a turn. They would have given anyone a turn—the check on them was so stai-tliiitr. and the cut of Uiom was so astonishing. Tliev were about three sizes too large i\,V Thomas, but his wil\- said tbcv wore a beautiful fit—slio liked clothes ;<, !■,,_■ long enough to allow of being turned up at lhe bottom when tlicv grew shabby. /"L'lioy'll last you a' lifetime '.' -he said triumphantly. Thomas, knowing that there was no escane. i'or hini except in the gravo, groaned. '"Eh! Did you speak?'' said Sirs. Thomas, sharply. "So, Eliza! Not me!" cried Thomas hurriedly. For he was a little man. and not a strong, one. and lie was verv much afraid ol' his wife

He dared not refuse to wear those horrors next Sunday. So lie put them on, and sneaked down to breakfast, looking thoroughly ashamed of himself. ""Whore'-; your collarh" Mrs. Thomas asked. ••[ put it out on the chest of drawers ior you."

.Thomas never wore a collar on Rimdays. '}!e had more than enough or' collars (Jiiiiiiii liis working week at the shop. Ho said so. Mrs. Thomas marched unsiairs, fetched the collar, and jerked it round his neck, so that the starched points poked into his chin. '■You'll do your trousers credit, or I'll know the reason whv/' she paid iirmlv.

It was Thomas's custom to sn-end Supday i7i peacefully gardening 'the strip of grotuid behind tht> bouse He was an excellent gardener, and'had taken several prizes for his potatoes and peas. He took his spade, and went out to the potato bed to forget his sorrows in nigging. The collar stud burst, and. for a time, he was almost hanpv. till Airs Thoinas shrieked at him from the kitchen window.

_ "Y'hat are yon doing? You come 711 here at once!"

"The garden wants a lot of seeing to, Wiza," Thomas pleaded. '-Then you'll see to it some ' other time. Getting your new clothes n mass ol dirt! "J neve;- beard the like! Are you cnminjr »,, Alfred Thomas cmust I fetch your"

Ihojmis went in, and sat down drearily with his p : ,„er and bis pipe tie had hardly lighted mi before Mrs j nomas nouneed on him again. "You'll not smoke to-d.av if I know it, ' she declared. "Smelling yoln . new clothes of 'baeco that diseraeoful '" bho snatched the pipe awav. and knocked it out against the mantelp-'cc-and put it in her oooket. Thomas dared not protest He coidd not get out of sight and 'do as he pleased, because be shrank from down the street and meeting Ids friends while he. wore those horrible garment--tie could do nothing but sir still and suffer, and hone that a «io.-„-l d : u'ner might help him to sleen ''through 'th-'-. afternoon, and s-o briny;'the drcarv dav ouivkly to an end.

Hut dinner was the worst shock of all It was potatoes and a. niece of cobi scrag of mutton. Mrs. "Thomas explained that she was saving to buy him a- coat to match, the trousers. ' She didn't mind stintine; herself for bis sake, she said —and' she said it with such an air of beautiful self-denial that Thomas thanked her, while he choked down te mutton scrag and mourned in his heart for the pork and greens and suet dumpling which were his favourite dinner. In the afternoon she took him to see her Aunt Maria. When thev got home. Thomas said that he was 'tired, and would go to bed. "Mind vou fold vour trousers carefully," Mrs. Thomas called up the stairs alter him. He bore two Sundavs of torment Then be told bis trouble to bis neighbour, James Ilarvel], and begged for help and advice. "Have an accident with the things," Harvell said. "Tear 'em, spout 'em, give em to the dustmen." Thomas shook his head mournfully. "You don't know mv wife." he se>'d "She'd never forgive me, if she found out that J/d mads away with them." "You can't grow too" big for them, I suppose ?"

"Not on the food I'm getting these davs."

"Hire some chao to steal 'em." suit. gested Harvell. struck with a brilliant idea. "I'll take on the job for those new shears of yours, and a couple of peeks of those nrize peas." Thomas gladly agreed to give anything to be i-id of the trousers.

"She keeps them in the parlour, spread out on the sofa with a. towel over them—says they won't get creased there." he confided guiltily. "I'll leave the window unlatched. " Yon can get in easy. Mind you do tbe thing proper—knock the furniture about a, bit, and so on —she mustn't guess that it was only the trousers vou came after.''

"You leave it all to me," Harvell sa ; d comfortingly. Thomas ".eft tbe window p-jen. and retired to bed, feeling like a criminal-of

tho deepest dye. Foriunaiely. Mrs. Thomas was a heavy sleeper, and it WHS lint ~i!! next morning lh;it .she discovered ilia theft. Harvelt had ~-ertaiulT" done the thing thoroughly, for. as well as the trousers.. Thomas's two treasured prize cups, 2 bottle of whiskey, and a collection of choice seeds had vanished. Loud were Mrs Thomas' o - lamentations; Thomas, too, began to sop that the path or double-dealers j s hard, jor. when ho suggested to llarvell that the. joke had been carried far enough, and that all the property, bar the trousers, should be restored, llarvell merely; grinned. "If anything comes back, your missus 'II lie asking questions, 1 ' lie'said cheerfully. '-Better let well alone." Thou he demanded the shears and peas, which Thomas was forced to give him. I On Saturday night Mrs. Thomas went shopping-, and returned with a large parcel ami a beatific smile. "I've got- a surprise for you. Alfred." slip announced. "As 1 was going along I passed a. pawn shop, and whatshould I see bur -some of our stolen things. 1 walked right in. and told the man they were stolen goods, anil, if he didn't, lor- me have them cheap, I'd give 1 him in charge." j "My cups!" cried Thomas ioyfully. ! "Xo," said his wife, unrolling the i parcel. "Von trousers. There," now, I aren't you pleased ?"