Wit and Humour.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 14268, 6 August 1910, Page 2 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

birl , Mot k e r: " 'Rather. If bab- «"*** ?eii "Well, doctor, boy or girl*" 'M v fc- Slr :.s\r are f e trio! in th, i, ? / ou llave^: t missed any iQ your hurried count P" h/'I h * ma knows just what fc fw 18 b ° Und to be successful." ~2 *» h EO much as the man who imotts how to get what he wants." "So you want to marrv mv daughter '•V'?, U ' - T ° UUg man? " "?"■*+, s-i-r." • .wt ' Caß you su PP«rt a family?" i±-now many are there of you, s-sir?" '' S ° Bra l- TO'fe wants to vote?" "Not exactly," rep lied Mr Meekton. "She wants the opportunity if she wishes, then she .will do as she likes about Mr Blinks (in art museum): "I didn't know you were such as admirer - of curios, Mrs Blunderbury." Mr s Blunderbury: "Oh, yes, indeed. I just de light in iniquities." "Is liq a man of weak intellect?'asked counsel of a witness at the Gisbome Court during the hearing of a charge of theft from the person. "Yes." (Was the reply. "I think two pints of beer a day is about- his limit." . She looked up toward the man standing at the back of the chair in the box at the opera, and said A sweetlv: "You may look over my shoulder."' "Im looking over "wth of them, and they're lovely," was the response.' • Mrs Gossip: I wonder if it is reallv true that fish is a brain food? Mrs Hearsay: "Well. I'm sure thev have some effect, for every time mv husband goes fishing, when "he comes* home he seems too dizzy to stand up.

"What I want." said the young man, it to get married and have a" quiet and peaceful home of my own." ""Well.'-' replied the man "who knew, "sometimes it works that way, and sometimes it's like joining a debating societv."

'•Rory." said the minister, "I hear ye were at Dunlop's kirk on Sunday last. _ Xot that I object, ye ken, but ye widna, yersel' like yer ain sheep strayin' away into strange pastures." "I widno care, sir," said Rory, "if it was better grass."

I A small boy, told at school to write down what he wanted to be when he grew up, was found to hare written "gardener." "But I didn : t know you wanted to be a gardner!" said "his teacher, in surprise. "I don't," said the small boy, sadly, "but I didn't know how to speel engineer!"

''But," we say to our Chicago friend, after the transaction has been completed and we are leaving the automobile store, "why in the world did you buy two autos?" "To get ahead of" the repair men," he answers. "I can get parts from one to repair the other."

"Life ain't notliin" but disappoint- [ iiient," groaned the Chronic Grouch. I ••Cheer up!" urged the Cheerful Mutt. "Didn't you git oOdols fer puttin' yer pneture in the paper as havin' ben cured o' all yer ills by Bunk's Pills?" "Yes, I did. An' now all my relatifs are askin' me why I don't go to work, now th't. I'm cured!"

I "Jamie," said his mother, as she came mto the room where the boy sat reading, "why have you those turkey leathers sticking up on vour head?" Jamie lifted his earnest "face which with its red-flannel headband stuck full of turkey quills looked almost ferocious, and answered: "I'm reading Cooper, mother, and it helps "

I One evening as the mother of & little niece of- .Phillips Brooks was tucking her snugly in bed, a caller was announced. The mother told the child to say her prayers and promised to be back in a few minutes. When she retained she asked the child if she had done as she was bidden. "Well, you see, mamma, I was awfully sleepy, so 1 just asked God if He wouldn't excuse me to-night, and He said, "Oh, certainly, don't mention it Miss Brooks.' "