Wit and Humour.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 14141, 26 February 1910, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

At a party Sarah's 'aunt said to her, you eat a great dual for a little girl of, throe." Sarah replied. "Oh, I'se not so little on the inside, auntie." Young Lady: The last bread I got off you was so hard I couldn't eat it. Baker (indignantly): Young lady, 1 want you to know I made bread beforeyou were born. Young Lady: Oh, I don't doubt it. I think that was some of it you sold me. Dangerous Beasts: The teacher had been telling the class about the rhinoceros family. "Now, name some things" said she, "that are very dangerous to get near to, and that have horns," "Automobiles!" replied little Jennie . Jones promptly. i s"omit, if you please, the first verse of the hy.mn," said the minister. The congregation looked surprised. "It mentions 'Greenland's icy mountains,' • explained the minister. "We cannot, afford to introduce into 'this .peaceful ' gathering any subject likely to -lead to acrimonious debate." ' , He: '"l'm sick and tired of being bossed around'all day by tlio ' shop- . walker. I'ye got some money saved up; and, I'm going to be independent by starting in business for myself. I .propose—", ghe:. "Now, I like the stand'you've taken, Harry; it ceilaii,- ' ly shows your manliness in striking out for yourself. As for your proposal, I accept. When are we to be married?" When the young husband reached nomeirom the office he found !>is wife ; in,tears.' "Oh John!" she sobbed on ins shohlder. "I. had baked a lovelv cake and I put it out on the back pc-roli. for the frosting to dry, and the dog ate it," "Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart," he consoled, patting the pretty flushed cheek. "1 k;iow a'lnan who will give us another dog." Commercial men were sitting in an hotel, when one of them began to boast that'his firm had tlio largest number of people pushing its goods. There wns a little argument, and then a coinmer- , cial traveller, who had not had much to *>ay before, suddenly rose and tnid, 111 bet any man in the houso that my firm has the biggest number of people pushing its goods." "Done!" exclaimed the boastful one. The money was accordingly put up with a stakeholder, and the boasting commercial traveller asked, "Now. what is your firm's line of goods?'* "Baby carriages,'' murmured the quiet man, as lie took the money and made for the ■ side door. \_ A clergyman in a Yorkshire pariah t £ a J m K flowed his church to go i;ito a bad.state of disrepair, was about to restore it. He commenced with the sounding-board over the pulpit, and | after putting it right, ho called his coachman with-.a view of testing it ?,??' ma «e a. speech from the pulpit How, does that sound, James?" "It sounds very well, sir; I heard every word, replied the coachman. "Now James, you change places with me, and say something." James at once entered the pulpit, and said, very distincely, and even emphatically, "I haven, t had my wages for a month. | How does that Bound, sir?"