POLICE COURT COMEDY.

Taranaki Herald, Volume LX, Issue 143838, 12 July 1912, Page 4

POLICE COURT COMEDY.

“AN ENSANGUINED ENCOUNTER” The magistrates and officials at Llanrwst Police Court had an amusing case when. Mr. Wiljiam Williams, describing himself as “the premier town crier and billposter-in-ohief,” preferred a charge of assault against Ralph Kenzio Williams.

The complainant’s opening speech was very eloquent “I never expected,” ho said, “when settling down in this ancient and powerful town, that I would become tho centrepiece for an ensanguined encounter. Tour worships between the hours of noon and 10 o’clock p.m. on Thursday, ultimo last, I was walking peacefully along Waiting Street, with, thoughts soaring aloft, when I was rudely and abruptly stopped by ‘Kerzie/ hereinafter to be known and identified as the defendant in this case. .The defendant aforesaid detached my mind from its congenial pursuit by the use .of , such terrible language that the most godly man at Llanrwst, who was approaching, turned hick shocked, and hastened awhy. (Laughter.) . The defendant then challenged mo to combat, but 1 am a man of peace, and averse to war, since my retirement from the force. (Laughter.) So I" admonished him, and told him to engage in battle with a younger man than. I. POULTRY AND ONION BEDS. “Seejng the savagery deepening in his eye, I took refuge in an adjoining shop, where I stopped for 20 minutes in fear and trembling. Thinking the defendant had sheered off, I emerged out of my shelter, when, before I could run for nty life, the defendant fitruck mo in. the cyo and another on "the temple, where your honour will- observe a patch of jstarap paper. (Laughter.) The blows sent mo llying into a-shop. Therein the defendant, in hustling me on tho premises during closing hours, is guilty of mifcdemanour within the meaning of the Act, and should'bo punished accordingly. (Loud laughter.) When I was emitted —(laughter)-—frorft the shop I leaned on tho window-sill and bled profusely, leaving an ensanguined mark on the pavement, ■ still obsorvabloi’’ (More laughter.) ; ■ Mr. Latimer Jones (for i the defendant) ; You called the defendant's who had names that morning? Complainant (tragically): Where is she? Produce —produce the female, and let me cross-examine l;er. (Loud ai \fhat was the conversation which led to the alleged assault? —Ho cast reflections. X fought an action recently against the defendant’s wife for allowing her pen of mongrel poultry to trespass and assimilate my onion bodstour in number. Tho case, and the mannorin which I conducted it, awoke considerable and national interest, and widespread publicity in the press. (Loud laughter.) ~ , it , • Your backvard and that of -the defendant’s wife are near each otherr'—Our gardens adjoin. It is n garden within tho meaning of the Act, and not a yard. Uis covered with soi] ot a productive nature. (Laughter.) My onion beds, through tbo interference of Mary Jane’s marauding poultry, had been converted into a potato patch. Tho County Court action ..will en<T in a perjury case. It is. a great pity that tho whole nation is damned i for a lew perjuries. (Loud laughter.).-■ ■ _ Tho complainant then called Police Co notable Jones, and put the following question: “Did you. or did you not ollioer, see any marks of assault of an ensanguined; nature on tho pavement where I stood? If so, inform the magistrates whether the visible patch was water or "blood.” (Loud laughter.) P.C. Jones: 1 only saw you with your face bleeding. . Defendant swore that the complainant threatened him, and that he hit him in self-defence, and Mr. Williams proceeded to cross-examino. ■ ■ “Noe, Kerzie, known as tho defendant in tho present action,’’ he remarked, severely, “on your oath, how many times have you been in the scales in this court and found wanting? (Loud le.ughter.) , „ “That has nothing to do with you, was defendant’s prompt reply. Tho Bench fined defendant 10s and costs.