KIBBLINGS,

Taranaki Herald, Volume XLIV, Issue 10216, 23 January 1895, Page 4

KIBBLINGS.

A ittle nonsenee now and then, I Is relished by the.wiseat raou. J Got Rid of Him. — Figg : How can you afford to carry such an umbrella an that ? If that was mine I'd be too proud to speak to jon. Fogg : Take the umbrella. It ia yours. Not Forgotten. — Primus : Did your rich nuclo remember you in his will ? i s 'ecunduH : Yes ; he inserted a clause urging hie executors to collect at once the sums hn had loaned me. Mrs Querie : I understand you had a narrow escape coming across. Mr Handport : Ye», indfed. The coal ran out, and the captnin bai to split the ship's log to keep the fire going. The Editor : Mr Bard, how do you distinguish between your verse and your poetry ? Mr Bard : 1 read it to my wifp. sir. If she understands it, it's verse ;if she doesn't, it's poetry. Lady : Will you give roe ' The Eloping Angels,' by William Watson ? Sbop- * man : lam sorry. madam, wo have not a copy left. Will tou take the sequel to it, 'The Heavenly Twins'?

A SYSTEM OF FINANCE. No, I'm not going to hold up my hands I exclamed the obstinate citizen whom a West Side footpad surprised at a late hour in a lonely part; of Chicago one night last week. I recognise the fact that you've got the drop on me, and I'll have to cough up ; but I'm going to hand over the dough , myself. Be quick about it. then, said the foot- . pad, sternly. [ I'll be as quick as I can, rejoined the | other ; hut this is business. ' What are you doing? demanded the j fallow at the other end of the revolver. I I'm counting the cost of this transaction. Just keep your shirt on a minute will you ? Ten, fifteen, twenty, twentyJ five, forty three. I don't care so much j for the money, he continued, feeling in . his ve3t pocket, and adding a stray coin or two Jib the sura in the purse, as I do ' for ma|ftaining my system of finance intact. TTorfcy eight, forty nine What the Sam Hill is your system of finance ? I I keep a strict account of all the money I bpend, replied the obstinate citizen, f eel- ' ing in his trousers pockets, and extracting ' another coin, and I always know $o a cent " how much I ought to have in hand. Fifty r four cents, and you can take it and go to ' Shun — hold on ! "Wait till I enter it in this pass book. Fifty-four cents; for — . for charity. For charity, 54 cents. You ' need the money, I take it — or rather, you • take it? ' Don't get gay, my friend, said the footE pad, grabbing the pocketbook. I T7° n 't- And don't you get drunk with joy and make a spectacle of youri self. The 54 cent 3 won't justify it. In the meantime, if you think I've got any J other property of a portable nature about ; me you are at liberty to search me. No ? well then I'll move on. I've got to enter this in the expense book when I get home, and explain it to my wife besides ; > and altogether I'm 54 cents in cash and . half an hour of valuable time worse off j for having met you — darn your picture ! r Good-night.

3 . E CRICKETING AOT2CDOTES. 3 A professional cricketer was nearly run ! out, and he was so pleased at tho umpires » decision that he jumped in the air 'as a sign of his joy. The wicketkeeper, who I still had the ball, pulled up a stump (bes bauso the bails were off) while the man . was in the air and appealed to the umpire » and the professional was given 'out.' A' very comical affair happened at Trent > Bridge once, where the match between the Australians v. England was being ! played. It chanced that the last ball sent j on Thursday night hit Murdoch on the > leg, but the Doctor did not appeal for i ' leg before ' then. Grace then gave the hint to the umpire, and in the morning, i when the first ball was to have been sent i to Murdoch, Grace called out, ' How's that , umpire ! and amidst tremendous laugh- 1 ing by the spectators Murdoch had to ro- ; tire. i Thsre was an inn near the pitch, and ■ and the batsman hit the ball througk i the window, wherS it fell into a mug full ; of beer. A fieldermshed in, snatched up the mug, and the ball in it, and rushed up to the wicket, amid a great deal of laughing and derision. The batsman, thinking he was still safe, went on running, when the fielder just turned the mug , upside down and put off the bails.

IT IS EASY TO ASK QU ESTIONS. • A child can aßk questions that a wise man can't answer. Yes ; and thero are some questions that the ablest dent like to have people ask them. Say a question of this sort — while we nro about it, however, we might as well tell the story straight^ away and have done with it. J Mrs Sarah Maco was very ill with influenza. That was in February, 1892, tho time of the epidemic. The attack was severe. She was suddenly seized with a violent pain in the hea I (both front and tack) and temples She had pain in all her joints too, and was hot and feverish. Bhe went to bod and sent for the doctor. He came, examined her, took her temperature — over 100 desreea — and said very little, like a wise man. The lady could not turn herself in bed. She lived on slops, such as milk and broth ; Bha could not swallow a morsal of solid food . Her husband pressed her to take , strong food, saying, "If you don't eat, you will starve." Right enough ; but he ' forgot that when one can't eat he can't, I and there's aud end. Well she got weaker and weaker, and fall away until there wasn't much left of her but akin and bone. Then, in her anxiety, she put her question : " Doator, do you think I shall get well ? ' | The doctoa answer was true and honest; | :we like and respect him for it. He said. Mrs Mace Ido not know" He couldn't j tell. Neither could any other doctor, No, not even if he had a string of titles to | his name as long as a kite's tail. But did she got well ? Wait a bit. Wo must , hark bnck & minute now. j Alone about the 10th of March, 1880, | Mrs Mace began to feel tired, languid, and weary, as if hor work were too much for her, shesaid. She had a bad taste in her mouth, poor appetite, and whatever she ate gave her a pain in the chest and heart. '•I had" she continues, •' a dull he ivy | pain at the ri.-ht side and between the ; shoulders, and a sinking feeling at the pit | of tne etomnch, and a rising of foul gas in my throat. Later on I ha I rheumatic pain 3in my heart, cheefc, and b-ck. I sent for a doctor who attended me for six j weeks, but I got worse. One day the j oook said, ' Why don't you try MotheSoigel's Curative Syrup ?' — this being a medicine my mistress (I was living with a lady ia (Jamden Town) kept in the house for family use. I did so and was soon as atroig as ever. Yoara fled away, nnd in 1891 ahe had the firat attack of influenza, and in 1892 the socond, already described in pirt. We now complote the account of the 1892 attack. Mrs Mace says : '' The doctor continued to attend me for five weeks, and I took his medicines for that time, but I gained no strength. After having suffered for seven weeks I s iid to ray husband, ' I will now see what Mother Seigel's Curative Syrup will do for me. P-rbaps it may cure inflaenssa as well as othei ailments ' I carried out this resolution ; began taking the Syrup, and waß soon pn my feet again, and have since kept in excellent health, taking nn occasional doso when needed. (S'gnod) Sarah Mage, Monk s Farm. Great V7arley, Brentwood. Esses, Angußt 27th, 1892." Now we have never advertised Mother Beigel's Curative Syrup as a remedy for ißflaenza. Yet the facts slatpd by Mrs Maco cannot be disputed. What is the conclusion? A very. simple one indeed. She did not have influenza until her system had been debilitated by indigestion and dyspepsia. It is such people generally (almost wholly) tbat all epidemic diseases attack. The dreaded cholera scarcely ever touches anybody except a dyspeptic — cholera is a malady of the bowels only. The more we hear of disease the more proof piles up showing tho parsons with a sound digestion are safe against dying of anything except violence or old age. The Syrup cured Mrs Mace's influi nza by taking away the ground it stood on— the torpidity of her digestion. She once asked, • Docior, do you think I shall g't well ? ' Time and Mother Peigel have said, •' Yes."