HUMOR OF THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XL, Issue 9032, 14 March 1891, Page 3

HUMOR OF THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

Ix 'Our Boys and Girls at School 1 " Mi Henry J. Barker has published, through Mr AiTowsmith, another budget of the absurdities committed by boys and girls who aro crammed with undigested kuowledgo at our elementary school. Mr Barker seems to have an inexhaustible store of these good things. A LESSON IN TENSES. The mistress of a poor village school in Sussex (Mr Barker says) was the recipient of a most remarkable piece of juvenile information. The lady had been giving the younger girls a lesson on the tenses of verb 3, and at tho closo oE her discourse she requested the children to write down in their exercise books a few examplos of tho manner in which the tenses may be changed. The mistress then walked round the desks, and overlooked her pupils while they were studiously engaged with their exercises. Presently she drew near to a rustic little nymph who was intimating by her raised hand and jubilant countenance that sho had completed her example of one of these tense changes. When the mistress arrived at the child's desk and looked down at what was written her own hands immediately became elevated with astonishment, as she read : " The verb To be. Past tense — I was a baby. Future tense — I shall have a baby." ABOUT THE MOON. The following extract from an essay on ' The Moon' affords — in defiance of its title — some most interesting glimpses of sublunary home life :— " To look at the svbite moon shinin threw your winder at night, sitting on the edge of the bed, and lissnin and to your father and mother's kuives and forks rattlin on their plates while they are getting their niced suppers, is tho pritlist site you ever seed. When its liver and hunyens there a having, you can smell it all the way upstairs. It looks very brite and nearly all white. Once when they was a having Fried fish and potaters I crept out out of my bedroom to the top of the stares all in the dark, just so as to have a better lissen and a nearer smell. I forget whether there was a moon that night. I dont think as there was, cose I got to the top of the stares afore I knew I was there, and I tumbled right down to the bottom of the stares, a bursting open the door at the bottom, and rolling into the j room nearly as far as the supper table. My father thote of giving me the stick for it, bnt he let my mother give me a bit of fish on some bread, and told me to skittle off to bed again. lam sure there was not no moon, else I should have seed there wasnt a top stare when I put my foot out slow. I only skratted my left eye and ear a bit with that last bump at the bottom, witch was a hard one. Stares are steeper than girls think, speshilly where the corner is." SOME NEW DIMINUTIVES. In the course of an examination in grammar a Surrey inspector was the privileged recipient of some most edifying, or startling, information. The parents of the children were mostly agricultural laborers. The emaminer was dealing with grammatical " diminutives, and particularly 'with the force of tho suffix kin — e.g., mannikin, a little man, etc. On his asking the lads to give him a few examples of such diminutives a number of eager hands were soon raised. The gentleman, much gratified at such a ready response to his question, pointed to one of the lads for an answer. ''Lambkin, a little lamb," was the reply. " Very good indeed," said the inspector ; and he pointed to another Ind. " Tomkin, a little Tom," was the answer. Tbe gentleman somewhat demurred at this, but finally accepted it. He then pointed to a further lad. " Buskin, a little bus !' was the response. The inspector's countenance fell ; ''Now, my lads," he pleaded, "do take time to think before you speak. Tho last answer was altogether wrong." And he pointed to a little yokel behind who, m his desperate eagerness to catch the inspector's eye, had ventured to half mount upon the form. " Well, you, my lad ?" said the inspector, pointing at last to this young hopeful. "Pumpkin, sir, a little pump !" " THAT THERE WHISKY." " The Irish are so called because they live in the islancl of Ireland. It is a beautiful country as ia chiefly noted for three prinsipal clasaea of things, which is namely, its great greenness, its bigbogness, and its litlle shamrocks. It says in our lesson books as green ia the favorite color with all the Irish great and small classes. Shamrock is nothing but a little bit of green clover. But the Irish love it. They can't manufacture things in Ireland same as we can in England, from a trackion ingin to a sowing needle. But still the Irish manufacture the follering classes of things very exceedingly, namely, linin, bacon, shop eggs, and as for that there whisky, the Irish love it. The hearts of the Irish, the hooka says, are all very warm. If you wag walking out in the country and you met a poor man, you could easily tell whether he was an Irishman ; for if he was an Irishman, he would perhaps be in a passion and have a pig with him."