SMILERS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXXVII, Issue 8239, 11 August 1888, Page 4

SMILERS.

Temperance 1 . Apostle : •• Do you know, my young friend," that whisky is & terrible destroyer r Young Man: "Yes, sir, and so is , water, much more so. Think of the flood II 11I 1 The waiter's ready explanation : " How can you give such a duty napkin as this ?" " Beg pardon, sir, got folded the wrong way, sir. There, sir, how's that now ?" Dar is one sho' way o' tellin er wise man rum er fool. Ef de biziness scheme o* er pusson turns out ter da money-makin,' he's er wise mnn ;ef not, he'»er fool. A lazy fellow, who was idling sway his time, was asked by a minister where he expected to go when he died.' "I shall not go," was the renlv ; " I expect to be carried." He: "My darling, I really believe my rheumatism has wholly disappeared." She: «' Oh, lam soiry. Now we sball never know f when the weather it going to change." Matthews' being asked what he wai going to* dowithhifc ion— the young man's profcs«ion was to be that of an architect— " Why, answered the comedian, "he is 'going to draw homes like his father." Terribly Broke.—" And are you really so badly broke, my friend ?" ho said, as he tendered the tramp a penny. "Broke?" was the bitter response, " I'm as badly broke as the Ten Commandments." % , Wife (to husband) : I caught Jane starting the fire this morning with paraffin, John. Hasband: How much do we owe her? Wife: Four months' wages. Husband : Well, let her go on with the paraffin. "Are you the head waiter? asked a hotel patron of a pompous individual who was posing near the dining-room. " Well, sir, I serve in that capacity j but my oflkial title, ii yon please, is dtning-roon superintendent." "He Knew Better.— " Patrick, don't you know better than to h»Te your pigpen so close to the house ?" " An' phy should Oi not, sor I "It's uohfaltby." "Be away wid yer nonsinse. Surs the pig.s niver been a day bick in his loift." * j