SMILERS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXXVII, Issue 8115, 17 March 1888, Page 4

SMILERS.

Lady (to clerk) : " I want to look at something that would be a suitable Christmas gift for my husband." Clerk .• " Yes, madam : something cheap, I s'pose?" Uncle Jim : " Here is a mince pie for you Tommy. Tneed baidlv remind a person of your classical culture that • tbe half is greater than the whole.'" Tommy: "Quite, uncle. But, as I'm not every hungry I'll only take a whole one I"

" Oh, yes,', said a grumbling beggar, " folks al'ays helps them as don't need any help. Why, there's ligbtnin* ; it can get down to the ground fast enough all by itself, and yit folks it all the time a putting up rods for it to slide down

on." She : " After all there's nothing better than the wing of a chicken, is there, General?" He : "I never tasted tba wing of a chicken, I only know the legs I When 1 was young, you .knov, my parents always ate tha wings, and now my children always do." The President of the Association in the United States styled the " Knights of Labor" is accused, together with two of his coadjutors, of having misappropriated 100,000 dollars of the society's money during the past year. If this be proved, it is evident that the delinquents are " Knights errant." '•Is Miss Binkins at home I" asked Mr. Saunders of tbe Irish girl who answered his ling at the door. " Yes, I b'lave she is, sir." "J s she engaged 1 ' " And is it engaged you say 7 Faix. an' 1 can't tell you, sir, but she kissed Mr, Vincent last evening as if she had never seen the like of him, and it's engaged I b'lave tfcey are sir." Grandfather: "What! You fallen in love with Sicnora Fontalba, the actress at the Pantheon Theatre V Grandson : " Yes, grandpa, anil if you have anything to say against the lady you had better wait till I atn out of the room." Grandfather — " I say a word against her ? Why, my dear fellow, I was head over ears in lote witti her myself when I was your jage Il'I 1 ' Seene — A Christmas family gathering at, a country house. Old Bachelor Guest (violently awakened out of his morning snooze) — " Who'sh there?" The grandchildren (shouting in chorus, and banging«at his door) — " O Mr. Bulkay — pleasb — Mr. Bulk'ay — to get up— and on the poney — 'Pa sa^s — 'cause — Gran'ma says— may —if it'll hear you — it'll bear us 1 1" Sir Richard Burton tells the following story of university life : — A mesmeric lecturer occasionally came down and caused some tun. He called for subjects, and amongst the halfdozen that presented themselves was one young gentleman who had fa.r more sense of humor than discretion. When thrown into a deep slumber he arose with his eyes apparently fast closed, and passing into the circle Of astonished spectators be^an to distribute kisses right and left. Some of these salutations fell upon the sacred cbeeks of t' c daughters of head* of houses, and the tableau may be imagined."