SMILERS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXXVI, Issue 8003, 22 October 1887, Page 4

SMILERS.

It reads a trifle paradoxical to see a cargo of salt cod noticed ' under the head of ' fresh arrivals."

An American who started out to look fo: a grizzly bear found him in time for dinner — the benr's dinner.

Eve never bothered Adam about the spying fashions, but she was the first woman to adopt the fall style. An exchange says : •' Biting the lips is a bnd habit." The man who'll bite a girl's lips is no gentleman. •' ily stock is rising," said the_ toy-ballon man as his bunch of ballons escaped from him and went sailing away in the air. She : Why, your friend George has era pc on his hat 1 Is he in mourning? He: Yes. His uncle has jnst recovered. From an old bachelor's album ; " It's too soon to marry w v en one is young, and too late when l?e is old. The interval may profitably be devoted to reflection." Mrs Nouvean Riche ; Aw, yes, that's very pretty, bnt I don't like the title, " Common Prayer." Haven't you — aw — any other kir.d ? I don't care how much I have to pay.

A French woman says she once paid a large sum of money to learn how to get .a certain noose into a bow. What most girls want to know is how to get a certain beau into a noose.

The arrest of several men on a cbarge of embracery has demoralised the girls all over the colony. They think it will make the young men too timid to do any hugging. Two. little girls of seven and eight are playing together. " And your papa what does he dol" asked one of them. " Whatever mamma says." Wife (to second husband^ ; Ah, James, you are so different from my first husband. Husband : Yes, that's so when you come down to the fine point. He died four years ago and I didn't.

A Colonel in Virginia had an old negro known as Uncle Ned, who, '.upon being urged to finish a bit of ploughing before sundown, said :

" G'long 1 wats de use er hurrin' so 1 Dar's emudderday termorrow d<it ain't eben beeu teched yit !" •' That is the last novel 1 shall ever read," said a gentleman, throwing the book down in disgust. "What is the matter dear?' 1 inquired his wife. "Doesn't it end happily?" No; they were married." The dapper draper's shopman is a neat and gentlemanly fellow, but he dies young. "It is the fe'.lows who haven't to be talked to by women for twelve hours a day," surlily remarks a bachelor editor," who are the most profitable to the life insurance companies" False returns : Let me bave a couple of gallons of good whiskey." " Why we don'i keep any whiskey in sto'ek. " What do you mean, then, by advertising that you have a complete line of fis ing tackle ?" A little three. year old girl of Bloomfield, N. J.., was itproved for disobedience. On repeating the offence tne fatheJ said to the little offender : 1 have a strong inclination to spank you' Immediately the answer came back : " You can't, papa, for I'm sitting on it !" A Melbourne firm got bold of a new traveller who was highly recommended by some friends of theirs. They gave tim a case of samples and £50 and sent him off. He was gone a couple of weeks and they heard nothing of him. Tney finally got on his track and they telegraphed him. His answer was brief and worthy of his profession. It was, " Send me another jgoO. lam still with you. J , ..