SMILERS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXXVI, Issue 7991, 8 October 1887, Page 4

SMILERS.

Home-maid. — The domestic girl Shrewd Men. — Henpecked husbands. A Stamp Mill.— The post-office. Regular Tourists Testers. — Midges and mountains. ' Improved Setting of an Old Saw.— Man •wants but little here '-below, and he generally gets it. Men Who Don't or at Least Oughtn't to sink. — Men of Cork. Expressed in Round Figures.— The ballet. Party Lines.— Rows of wallflowers. Parrots usually, when quoting, prefer the profane writers. There are two things whose drawing power has never been excelled— the circus and porous 1 plaster. ' ."What causes all this drunkenness ?" asked a prohibition journal. It is safe to wager that whisky and other' intoxicating beverages cause it. A.Milwaukee woman fell dead while scolding her husband. The ladies should cut this out, and paste it on their' looking-glasses. It may save their lives. Seene — Scotch village. >. Stranger to policeman ; I suppose you don't' have a large force of policemen here ?" Policeman : " No, inteet air, We're just two of us, ant — ant I'm "the wan half I"

Mrs. Beacon, new to housekeeping .* " Good morning, Mr, Cutts. Can you give me a good piece of roast s beef?" Supercilious batcher; "Madam, I can give you a good ■piece of beef to roast." "Mister," said a new England tramp, "I say ; I don't suppose you don't know of nobody what don't want to hire nobody to do nothin' for somebody nohow — you don't do you ?" " Yes, I guess not," was the reply. Young housewife, consulting the cook about the dinner for a - patty ; "As a second course we will have eel." Cook : •' How much ought Ito get, ma'am ?" Young wife :" I fancy 10 yards' will be about sufficient." -. A genial bishop was in the habit of asking bis candidates for ordination whether they were married, •• Happy man !" cried the prelate if the answer was given in the affirmative : if in the negative, his formula was, " Lucky dog I"

An American editor give reasons for not publishing a poetic effusion- as follows—" The rhythm souuds like turnips rolling over a barn floor, while some lines appear to have besn measured with a yard stich and others with a ten-foot pole.' . " Yes, air," repeated a man much given to talking, " I played with Irivng for several years/ -'Why," said ,his friend, " I didn't know you were ever on the stage I" " Wasn 't neither,*' rejoined the gossip ;" I played mazbles with him when we were boys at school."