Kibblings.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 4070, 17 June 1882, Page 4

Kibblings.

the Under Sheriff in the Criminal Conrt was wrap/fH^^JI ping tosecore the silence of l^/ZiN'll two men who were tt a n?»b ' n ?» piglkM&SL one of them rose and said Z^^fS^ to the jndge, "May it please y° nr Honoar, it is impos<£fi^T^ sible for gentlemen to converse if that man ia allowed to make a noise," an effort of impudence that brought down the honse. " That son of yours is a promising yonng man," said a gentleman to a neighbour. "He is better than a promisinw yonng man — he's a paying one," responded the neighbour. A gentleman lately wrote to a Damfrieshire laird of the old school, reqnesting leave to shoot and course over a portion of the estate. The laird replied that he was "sorry he could not allow any cursiDg or shouting on hia property." A solicitor, who was remarkable for the length and sharpness of his nose, once told a lady that if she did not immediately settle a matter in dispute he would file & bill against her. "ludeed, sir," said the lady, " there is no necessity for you to file your bill, for I am Bnre it is sharp enough already." Long ago a certain proprietor in the county of Rntland became very intimate with the Duke of A . One day, in the plentitnde of bis friendship, he said to him. "How I wish your estates were in my county !" Upon which the dnke replied, " I'm thinking, if they were there wonM be no room for yours." The School Board box, who, accord, ingf to the report, uave this as an answer in examination : " Magna Charta was ordered by the King to be beheaded. He fled to Italy, but was captured and execnted" — onglit to have received a special prize. He is clearly a genius ; for penios is above history, aDd above all rules. Is this a youthful Milton, a coming Shakespere, or the greatest romancer that England has ever seen ? We shall watch his career (if we've time and opportunity) with deep interest. He is a genius ; and being so, what an awfully school-bored boy he mast be ! An Irishman, finding hia cash at low ebb, resolved to adopt " the road" as a professional means of refreshing tbe exchequer ; and having provided himself with a bnge horse-pistol, proceeded forthwith to the conventional " lonely common" and lay in wait. Tbe no less conventional " farmer returning from the market with a bag of money," of course, soon appeared, to whom Pat began with the regulation highwayman offer of choice. " Your money or your life ?" a remark fortified by the simultaneous exhibition of the firearm in the usual way. Tbe farmer, who was a Quaker, essayed to temporise. "I wonld not tbee stain tby soul with am, friend; and didst tbou rob me of my gold, it wonld be theft ; and didst thou kill me, it would be murder. But hold! A bargain is no sin, bnt a commerce between two honest men. I will give thee this bag of gold for the pistol which thou holdeat at my ear." The unsuspecting amateur, Macbeth, yielding, perhaps, to the Quaker's logic and solicitude, for his spiritual welfare, made the exchange without a moment's hesitation. "Now, friend," cried the wily Bphraim, levelling the weapon, " give me back my gold or I'll blow thy brains out ! " "Blaze away, thin darlint !" said Pat. "Sure there's niver a dhropof powtber in it." The result was a sold Quaker. All tbe Difference. — Norah : "Mammy Conny is such a stupid girl ; her says, 'Me is!" 1 Mamma; "And what do you ■ay, dear?" Norah ; "Me says, 'I are !" Well Out of It.— (He was a frugal, minded young Scotch gentleman, bnt he loved her dearly, and within reason woold"have given her anything.)— Young Scotchman: "And what may your grapes be the pun'?" Shopman : " Eight shillings, sir." Young Scotch, man : "'Grapes,' man ! 1 said." Shopman : " Yes, sir. Eight shillings, sir. They are English grapes." Young Scotchman: "Ah— h— h! I—lI — I I r joost want a — a ha'-pennyworth o' parsley." Oh, Blow It ! — 'Arry (who is desirous of growing a moustache) : " I want a 'air producer." Sharp Shopman : " Next door but one, young man; we don't deal in bellows."

Pinus Im

Pious Ala:

973 aul6

Hawera Oarlyl*