Kibblings.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 4064, 10 June 1882, Page 4

Kibblings.

£&|QLj§& GAVE my seat in the 'baa gj^l-a^r to a very Dice little lady jT?^ I^' N rom a b roa( V remarked an Kgv 1 nngentlemanly wretob at a itN?^%^ ' ea * a^' e ' ne other night. f^nlT^ "How do you know she £& fi was from abroad ?" inquired «&n one of the tea-drinkerg. " Did you ask her ?" " No, I didn't address her at all," replied the first speaker ; " bot when I got op to give her a seat, she said — Thank you, sir, and then I knew she must be a foreigner." Here the conversation euded. An individual who boasted of " moving in salect circles" was afterwards ascertained to be the clown in a circus. " Ab," exclaimed the bnrglar, with a Bigb, as he gazed through the bars of bis coll at his late pals ontside, " there is a grate difference between you and me, Jim." And yet he got only six months. Distinguished Visitor (asking the boys a few questions in sacred history): " Can you tell me about the plagues of ? Now what were they ?— Small Boy (promptly) : "Jews sir !" 1 Do you know, Mr. Smith," asked Mrs. S., in a reproving way, " that that pipe is hnrtfal to yon ; and it is your enemy ?" " Yes," replied Smith, oalroly ejecting a fleecy cloud ; " yes, I know it, and I'm trying to smoke the rascal out." A witness being interrogated as to whether the defendant in the case was drank, replied, " Well, I can't say that exactly ; but I saw him sitting in the middle of the floor, making grabs in the air and saying that he'd be hanged if he didn't catch the bed the next time it ran ronnd him." " Don't you love her still ?" asked the judge to a man who wanted a divorce. " Certainly, I do," said he ; " I lore her better still than any other way ; but the trouble is she will never be still." The judge, who is a married man himself, takes the case under advisement. A man went through bankruptcy He had owned a fine horse and gig, and they both disappeared for a time, but by and by the horse and gig were both doing service for the same owner again. On being asked what this meant, the man's reply was, " I went through the bankruptcy court, but the horse and gig went round." A witty nobleman once asked a clerical gentleman at the bottom of the table why the goose, when there was one, was always placed next to the parson. "Really, my lord, said the clergyman," "your question is somewhat difficult to answer, and so remarkably odd that I vow I shall never see a goose again without being reminded of your lordship." Footman out of livery (to coachman): " Well, Smitbers, how are you gettine on? Yonr're off soon, I suppose?" Coachman : " Well, no ; I'm a goin' to send our people 'abroad' at the end o' the month, and then we shall bare the 'onse to ourselves — and — we shall see something of yer perhapg ?" — [Her ladyship making her appearance) — Tacet ! A modest disclaimer. — Self-aatisfied amatenr (shoicin/j his drawhigs to our artist R.A.) : "And recollect I'm not in the trade, mind yer. I'm a hosier by profession /" Mrs. Ramsbotham tell us her married sister has recently taken a charming house in Kensington. It is in the middle of a garden, surrounded by shrubs — indeed a perfect little Russian Herby. " The question of Cane." — Deputy Chairman of Country School Board {there had been a row about a child being corrected) : " These 'ere masters ain't no call to cane the children. Dame Crawly teacbed me, and teached all my fam'ly, for 'ears and 'ears, without ever a beating of us,andshe turned out pooty good schollards, she did '" " It is supposed that Don Carlos wa« ordered to quit France in consequence of his attitude at a religious ceremony on St. Henri's Day." What was his attitude ? Probably agenouille, but not to be tolerated by a Republican Government, which, were it strong and popular could permit twenty such Pretenders to remain in France. Communists avoid such " attitudes," and no Are not inttrfwred with. Poor Don Key-arlos ! Hahnemann, the founder of the Homce >pathy School, was one day con -ul ted by a wealthy English earl. The doctor listened patiently to the patient. He took a small phial, opened it, and held it under bis lordship's nose. "Smell ! Well, you are cared." "How much do I owe you ?" said the earl in surprise. " A thousand francs," was the reply. The earl immediately pulled oat a cheque-book, and held it tinder the doctor's nose. ** Smell !" he cried, and then added, "Well, you are paid."