" HOW NOT TO DO IT."

Taranaki Herald, Volume VIII, Issue 409, 2 June 1860, Page 4

" HOW NOT TO DO IT."

A MANUAL roil THE AWKWARD SQUADS Or OUR VOLUNTEER RrrLE REGrMENTS. " How not to do it," is a jest upon bad drilling, by a Volunteer, of which the humour lies especially in some amusing little pictuies. It is written in good faith, and with all enthusiasm for the piesent movement. The text is after the manner of Dean Swift's directions to seivants, but the little sketches make the value of the publication, a small sixpenny pamphlet, which may be presented with advantage to any volunteer who shows a disposition to fall into the Awkward Squad. We may quote part of a scene with the drill-sergeant : — Seigeant. — No. 1, hold up your hand. You, sir, are right of the i ight subdivision, and right of the first section. Down your hand, sir." No. 1, whose startled memory had flown suddenly back to school days and palmies, diops his hand with a sigh of lelief, and without having attained to the faintest conception of the sergeant's meaning. Sergeant. — Nos. 4 and 5, you are right and left of the first and second sections. That will do, gentlemen, down hands. When I have done speaking always lower your hands." No. 5 mutters something about never being done speaking, and being hanged if he can remember whether he is a right or left file. Sergeant. — (Stopping befoie the two centre men of the Squad, who look red in the face and very unhappy)—Nos. 8 and 9, right and left of the right and left subdivisions, also, right and left of the second and third sections, and remember that you aie right and left files." A volley of deep sighs and a few smothered groans are heard as the sergeant proceeds to number off the remainder of the line, during which a little conveisation with advantage may be indulged in, sotto voce, however. No. 9 to No. 8, " I say, aie you a right or a left file?" No. 8 to No. 9 (in the tones of a chafed maniac), "Eh? I—lfoiget;I — Ifoiget; oh! yes, I remember now, I'm a right file." No. 8 is wiong in this i but be thinks he is right, in both senses ot the word, and that makes assurance doubly suie. Remember that, reader, if you thinli you are right, that will do just as well as if such were actually the case. No. 9 (who is a conscientious man) to No. 8, " I say, isn't it awful to have to remember so much! Only think, I am Ike tight man of the left sub-divi-sion, and the i ight man of the third section (and the third section is one of the tight sections), and I'm a left file. Ate you quite sure, though, that you ate a light file?" No. 8 (shaiply), " I wish you would hold your tongue. You've gone and put out all my own number a and — and thing's — out of my " Sergeant. — " Eyes front !" No. 8 (whispers lecklessly), "There! it's all gone. I knew it would ! Right, and left, mid round about, fire away, seigeant, my mind is a blank sheet of paper."

Two New Zealanclers, says a Vienna letter, have recently auived in this city and have been piesented to their Majesties. Toetoe, the elder of the two, delivered a speech in his own tongue, and handed a German translation of it to their Majesties who manifested the gieatest inteiest in the ciicumstances of the native of the antipodes, and the Empress addiessed Toetoe who had some knowledge ot English, in that language. M. Zimmerl, ol the State piint-ing-offlce, acted as interpieter. The Vienna Gazette gives the following liteial translation of the speech de'ueied on the occasion: — "We greet thee, we greet thee, Francis Joseph, Emperor of Austiia. Great has been our desiie to see thee, and that is the reason of our journey to this country. We desired to see thee, Empcior of Austria; we desired also to see the country of the foieigner. The ommander of the ship of war, the Novara, said to the Governor of New Zealand that ho would allow us to sail with him in order that thou mightest see New Zealanders. The Goveinor and all the chiefs of the Miioiies assented to the wish of the commodoie. That is the reason of our journey to this countiy. All the chiefs of the Maories said to us, " Go, that you may see the foieigners." Wo greet thee king of kings, lord of loids, thou who. high above all otheis rulest, we praise thee and thy name evermoie. A strong sceptic is the sceptic of thy kingdom. We greet thee, we greet thee, Fiancis Joseph, Emperor of Austrin j we greet thee, we greet thee, Empiess of Anstiia. Wo shall inform all people of thy splendour when we shall have returned to New Zealand. These aie our words to thee. — William Tocron, Samuel Rarehau. The French Prince Imperial, having been born on the 16' th Maich, 1850, on Fiiday entered his fifth year. He is exceedingly forward for his age, as he can already reail, write, and ride. The actual strength of the militia in England, lielaml, and Scotland is computed at 23,735 effective men.

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