The Temuka Leader THURSDAY, JULY 29, 1886. THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1538, 29 July 1886, Page 2

The Temuka Leader THURSDAY, JULY 29, 1886. THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

A honest Orangeman of the county of Tyrone, Ireland, found himself on iho horns of a delemma last election. There were two candidates standing for the representation of the constituency in which he bad a vote : one being Mr William O’Brien, the Parnellim, and the other Captain Somerset! Maxwell, an Orange landlord. The Orangeman did not believe in the landlord, neither did he believe in the Parnellite, so be wrote on the voting paper opposite Maxwell’s nama “ No landlord,” and opposite O’Brien’s nama he wrote “ No Pope.” As the Parnellite ambition i» to crush out landlordism he ought to have stretched a point. The newest pun going the rounds with regard to politics in England is that in St. Stephen there is no longer a Parliament, it being now a Parnellment. There is a story told of an Irish schoolmaster who lived before watches ware as generally worn as they are at present. One day he was engaged in imparting instruction to his pupils, when a young urchin ran into the schoolroom and excitedly informed the master that there was something strange outside that was making a lot of noise. The master went outside to see what it was that had so frightened the boy, and there he saw a watch which had been dropped by a passer-by. The schoolmaster, however, had never seen a watch before, and had not the faintest notion of what it was. He called out all the scholars, and said “ Boys, it is the Clickmond toad, I have read enough about him to know him; he is a dangerous reptile ; stone him to death ; he would infect the nation and tho boys did so. The counterpart of this story is told of a schoolmaster named Baker, who teaches the young idea how to shoot down Akaroa way. One of his pupils recently told him he had seen a wild pig prowling about tho neighborhood, and the domine regarding the presence of such su animal dangerous, determined upon a policy of extermination. He accordingly proclaimed a holiday, armed his boys with a variety of weapons—from a horse pistol to a broomstick—and sallied forth in quest of the uncivilized porker. The grunter was met with and shot dead, but while the hunters were contemplating its carcase a farmer came on the scene, and wanted to know why they had killed his pig. The explanation was not satisfactory to the owner of the deceased pig, and Mr Baker had to pay £6 for the fun. Mr Baker would not touch a wild pig now if you were to pay him for it. An American editor says that what is wanted in a newspaper office is “ a cat that can eat poetry,” Givis, in the Otago Witness, thinks that the better way to get rid of the poetry plague is to biro a tiger that would eat up all poets. 1 sometimes hav# my troablo with poejhj. One of them recently sent me a piece of poetry that no cat could digest. Out of consideration for his literary reputation it did not appear, and the poet has now ordered his paper to be stopped. I feel an impulse to publish his poem out of revenge, I have been studying spiritualism lately under the guidance of an eminent spiritualist. He has told me most extraordinary things abontJhem. In Melbourne he saw them materialized. They wore walking about, and talking to him just as they had been before they shuffled off this mortal coil. In New York the spirit of a deceased young lady comes back occasionally, and walks arra-aid-arra with her fond parents in the garden. That is what my instructor tells me. And he has also told me that spirits retain the same ideas as they had in this world for a time after having crossed the Jordon. As an instance of (his he relates the story of the spirit of a Mormon elder, who has appeared to a circle in Dunedin. This Mormon spirit is never tired of preaching polygamy, but other spirits condemn such a doctrine. There ap.pears also to the same circle the spirit , of a rollicking Irishman named Mike, whose' B PP BBrB be to crack joke., ikd denomT toms of the people. He is ti,.' as a temperance lecturer, Recently they were discursing with him something about what somebody had eaten for breakfast, and talked about porridge and stirabout. “ Ah,” said Mike, “ Why don’t yon call ,it oatmeal jam.” That was not bad, but it is nothing to what they sometimes get out of the spirit of this wild Irishman. My spiritualistic friend had once living iu bis house a lady who was a spirit medium, and one day she was alone in the kitchen when a voice called to her and said, “ The log has fallen out of the grate in the front room, and is setting the bouse on fire,” The lady *

run out, and sure enough the room wv* f'O full of Finoke that she could see nothing. She, however, succeeded in lifting the log back on the fire, and when Ihe smoke cleared away there were to !»'• aeen seven holes burned in the carpet. 1 do not believe aa, evil spirit did that. The fact is, I believe it was’ a very good spirit, but it might have done better. It could have lifted the log itself, but probably it was a spirit that did not like heat.

A most extraordinary fact connected with this, is that the number of holes burnt was seven. This has set me seriously thinking. I regard it ns ominous, iu fact.. *8 a strange coincidence, that the number should be tbi seme as our seven senses, our seven deadly sins, tbe seven cardinal virtues, the seven days of the week, and the seven sleepers of Christendom. Then let me go farther back, and reflect on the seven strings t* Apollo’s lyre, tbe seven pipes in I’an’s flute, the seven Gods of Scandinavia,the seven critical days in medicine, and many other seveni. Then there ate the.seven wonders of the world, the seven Wise men, the seven wise masters, the seven years’ war. And now open, your Bible dear reader. The creation was completed in seven days, Noah look animals into the ark by sevens, and on (he seventh day he despatched his winged reporter to get an account of the flood. Then lock how sevens rose up before the dreaming eyes of the immortal Pharoah, and the blood of propitiation was sprinkled seven limes, hot why need Igo further. The Apocalyse is full of sevens, and seven members constitute the Geraldine Town Board. Is it wonderful then, dear reader, that these seven burnt holes in the carpet have set me thinking? If any rev. gentleman would lend hil pulpit I could preach k sermon on this subject, so struck am I with this extraordinary coincidence.

After all I find myself in a sort of a fog over this spiritual business. First of all, to commune with eternalised (I think that’s a good word) personages you must have a table, and this wont do unless there are witnesses present. Then you must have a medium—that is a person having some peculiar ingredients in his, or her, composition satisfactory to spiritual taste, and you are set up. .Now here is where I get fogged. Any rough old table will do, but any person, rough or smooth, will not. The spirits are evidently particular about the acquaintances they maks, and they do not care to appear except before a circle of people in a darkened room. I have tried hard to get Mr Shakespeare to lend me a hand occasionally, but he has paid no more heed to my solicitations than a dead donkey would to a withered cabbage. I have got a hint that it was he who inspired the musical critic of the Timaru Herald recently when he mistook “ Auld Lang Syne ” for “ Home, Sweet Home,” but I do not believe it.

By-tbe-by, while I ibink fif it, I am told that nothing will bo done to Mr Sloe for having attempted to bribe a Minister of the Crown, and that Mr Steward stands higher in public estimation now than ever ho did before, because people know now that he is richer by £1035. We are getting Americanized fast. You can rob and plunder in tins colony, and after you hare atoned for it in gaol you will be received with open arms in New Zealand society. It is no drawback to be a gaol bird after you get loose, and to be connected with equivocal political ' transactions only adds dignity to your character. It shows what a smart fellow you are, and a smart fellow, of course, is a fit and proper person to make law*. No persons are to suffer apparently on account of the District Railways affair, sxcept two or three unfortunate newspaper men who found fault with the way things bad been managed. They will be made to mind their own business, and not interfere in what does not concern them. Verily Sir Julius Vogel will have libel enough on his hands to keep him pretty well occupied during the recess. First there is the Christchurch Press to square acepuots with, then there are the Wellington Press, Times, and Advertiser. It is rather etranga that they should all be libelling him. He will soon be the Esau of New Zealand politics at the rate be is going on. Com O’Linus.