Life's Lighter Side

Taranaki Daily News, 19 February 1938, Page 17 (Supplement)

Life's Lighter Side

"Thursday I lost a gold watch which I valued very highly. Immediately I inserted an ad. in your lost and found column and waited. Yesterday I went home and found the watch in the pocket of another suit. God bless your paper." • • * • "I hear you got thrown out of college for calling the dean a fish." "I didn't call him a fish. I just said, 'That's our dean,' real fast." * • ® • The doctor smilingly entered the room where his female- patient was reclining in a chair. "Ah," he murmured, "I see you are looking very much better to-day." "Yes, doctor," the patient said. "I have very carefully followed the instructions on that bottle of medicine you gave me." _ , "Let me see, now," said the doctor thoughtfully. "What were they?" " 'Keep the bottle well corked.' " "How much do I owe you for curing my deafness?" the patient asked the medical man. "Three guineas" was the reply. "Did you say four guineas?" "No, five guineas." # . # * * As the huge liner came into port, a grimy coal barge floated immediately in front of her. "Clear out of the way with that old tub," shouted 'an officer on the bridge. A sun-burned face appeared over the cabin hatchway. "Are you the captain of that vessel?" "No," answered the officer. "Then speak to your equals," came from the barge. "I'm the captain of this." • • • • "Why do you only wear one glove? Lost the other one?" "No; found this one." • • • • ■ The teacher of a Sunday school class was explaining the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal; how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, and cut the bullock in pieces and laid them on the altar. "And then," said the teacher, "he commanded the people to fill four barrels with water and pour it over the altar, and they did this four times. Now,' can any one tell why all this water was poured over the bullock on the altar?" "Please, sir, to make the gravy," came a prompt reply from one small listener.