OUR POETRY

Taranaki Daily News, 24 November 1934, Page 22 (Supplement)

OUR POETRY

MAN OF FEW WORDS. “What did Mike Hogan say when Kelly called him a liar?” asked Pat. “Nothin’ much,” said Mac. Pat gasped. “Nothin’ much!” he exclaimed. “That’s funny. Hogan used to be a hot-tempered man.” “Well,” said Mac, with a twinkle in his eye, “he never said a word except ‘Have ye had enough yet?’ ” * * * * LESS TIRING. “Will you walk through life hand in hand with me?” asked the old-fashioned lover. “Well,” replied the modem girl, “I’d prefer to motor.” # * * * THE ALARM. "Whenever I want to rise early I always leave a note in the milk bottle, and the milkman wakes me up by ringing the front door bell,” said Jones. His friend smiled. “The only thing that prevents me from using that idea is that I am seldom home early enough to write a note to the milkman.” A FRIEND IN NEED! Solly: Abey, my boy—you’re a pal of mine—ain’t you? I mean, you’d do anything to help me, wouldn’t you? Abey: Course I am, Sol. Certainly 1 would! You know that. What’s your trouble? Solly: Well, I’ve just been to the bank to borrow some money. They said, though, they wouldn’t lend : t to me unless you signed this note they gave me. Abey: Solly, I’m ashamed of you. And you and me been friends for years. Yet you go to a bank for money instead of coming to me. It hurts me, Sol. Honest, It does. Now listen here—don’t you have dealings with no banks, believe me. Just you go right back there and tell the bank manager to sign that note, and bring it back to me, and I’ll lend you the money, my boy! * * * * IS THIS A RECORD? Mrs. Maloney was telling her neighbour that she had just received a telegram stating that her soldier son had arrived safely in India that morning. The neighbour was amazed by the news. “What!” she exclaimed. “That seems impossible, Mrs. Maloney. The telegram must have travelled at a terrific speed.” “Shure, and faith it must have,” said the proud mother. “Would ye believe it, when I received the envelope the gum on it was still moist!” # * * * CHIEF OFFENDER. One of the witnesses was unused to the ways of the law. After a severe crossexamination, counsel paused, and then, putting on a look of severity, exclaimed: “Has not an effort been made to induce you to tell .1 different story?” “A different story from what I told, sir?” “That is whc’: I mean.” “Yes, sir; several persons tried to get me to tell a different story from what I have told, but they couldn’t.” “Now, sir, Upon you. oath, I wish to know who those persons are.” “Well, “ think you’ve tried about as hard as any of them.” » # * * HOW STRANGE. Two young men were walking home rather unsteadily after a late night at their club. Presently they stopped under a lamppost and one of them leaned heavily on his friend. “Do you know,” he said, with a faraway look in his eyes, “that when I was born I only weighed one pound two ounces?” “ ’Sordinary!” said the other weakly, “Did you live?” "Rather!” said the other weakly “Rather!” said the first. “You ought to see me now- I weigh twelve stone.' 1 # * . * * PUTTING IT BLUNTLY. The man who had stayed up in the city playing billiards with business friends was explaining to his wife why he was late home. “You see,” said he, “I was delayed at the station —I caught the ‘rush-hour mob, and I had to wait in a line to get a ticket—er —” “I see,” said his wife, who knew his weakness for billiards- “You were at the end of a long cue!” » * • « HE GAVE IT UP. , She: If we are going to be married you you must give up smoking. He: Yes. She: And drinking at your clubs. He: Yes. She: Now. doesn’t. anything else suggest itself to you that you will give up of your own accord? He: Yes. She: What? He: All idea of marrying you.