FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 6 October 1934, Page 22 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

HE DIDN’T KNOW. Jones: I don’t know which girl to take to the theatre. . Smith: Why don’t you toss a coin? Jones: I did, but it didn’t come down right. , - . * # * * CHEQUE DULY COLLECTED. Wife: You don’t love me now. Husband: Nonsense! Why do you say SO? » Wife: Because it would be impossible for any man to love a woman with such old clothes as mine. * * * * NOT CHANGEABLE. “These shoes are too narrow. “But narrow shoes are being worn this season.” “That may be so,” replied the solidlybuilt man, “but I’m wearing my last season’s feet.” * * * * A BROAD HINT.

Passenger: Doesn’t the vessel tip a lot? , Steward: Yes—it’s trying to set a good example to the passengers. ♦ # # ♦ POOR FATHER.

Teacher: Now, Johnny, the’next time you are absent, bring an excuse from your mother. Johnny: Please, miss, will one from Dad do? Mother says he’s'full of them. # * * * HOW tO KEEP A MAID.

Mistress: I’m glad to. know you will be staying on with me after you’re married. Do I know the lucky man? Maid: Oh, yes, ma’am. It’s your son. $ * * * RUDE BOY.

Old Lady: Throw that cigarette away, you bad boy! . Urchin: And leave you to pick it up when I’m gone. Not me! * * * * both:

Mother: Did you y/alk away when the strange hoy came up and spoke to you? ' Daughter: Yes, mother; we both did. * * ’; * * WARNING.

Chief of Amateur Fire Brigade: You’re late in getting here. Young Fireman: I live a long way off. Chief: That’s no excuse. In future you must live nearer the scene of the fire. # ♦ ♦ ♦ CLAIMANTS THEN..

“tlow many people,” a novelist wonders, "know exactly how many relatives they possess ?” All those who have won big’sweepstake prizes. % # & * CURE FOR EXTRAVAGANCE. “Are you saving any money since you started your home budget system? “Yes. By the time we have balanced it every evening, it’s too late to go anywhere.” sjc $ 4? A GOOD DEFINITION. Schoolmaster: Will someone give me a definition of “nothing”? Willie Jones: Please', sir, a balloon without the skin! * * * * A POSER. Father: Are there any questions you’d like to ask me about your lessons? Tommy: Well, father, how is it that a black man can be a greengrocer? # * * * UNWILLING RETURN. Judge: What, you! 1 thought I told you I didn’t want to see you here again. Prisoner: That’s what I told the policeman, but he wouldn’t believe me. * * * * PROBLEM. Fortune Teller: Your husband will be brave, generous, handsome and rich. Lady: But what’s to become of the one I have now? * # * ♦ A KNOWING BIRD. “I think,” she said, as she came into the room, “that I will give that parrot away.” ' “Yes,” replied the young man who was calling, “it would only be tit for tat. It has been doing as much for you. * * * * THE PREFERENCE. “How did he lose his fortune? Preferred stock?” “No. Preferred blondes.” * # * * LOOKING AHEAD. Smith: Why did you insist on your daughter’s boy friend staying at your home for a whole month? Brown! I wanted to find out before I gave my consent to their marriage whether I could afford to board him.” '• * WHEN A MAN MARRIES. They had just become engaged. “I shall love,” she cooed, “to share all your troubles.” , . “But, darling,” he murmured, I have none.” “No,” she agreed, “but I mean when we are married.” * * * * MORE TROUBLE. New Maid: Please, mum, the gas oven’s gone out. Mistress: Well, light it again. I showed you how- to. • . t . New Maid: Please, mum, I can’t—-its gone out through the roof! * * * * THOUGHTFUL. “Is your young man popular with your people?” “I should say so. Dad comes downstairs every night at 12 o’clock to see him off/’ ♦ * * * SALESMANSHIP. An artist of doubtful talent was visited by a wealthy merchant. After looking at a number of the pictures, the merchant said: /‘Young man, do you sell many of these pictures?” “Yes.” the artist lied. “Well,” said the merchant, “if you like to call round at my office to-morrow I’ll give you a well-paid job. I’ve been looking fcr a salesman like you for years.” # * * * NOT ALL OF IT. The young man who had just returned from Africa was talking to a charming hostess about his travels. We dug for water,” he said, “and even though we dug over 130 ft. we did not come to any different sub-soil.” “Just fancy,” said the hostess. “And is all Africa like that?” “Er—well,” stammered the other, “We didn’t bother to dig all over Africa.” * * * * WHOOPEE! He was conscious that relations between himself and his wife had not been exactly cordial for some . weeks, and, feeling that the fault for so many uninteresting evenings had been mainly his, he decided to “make up ’ for the lapse by taking her out. “I’ll tell you what, dear,” he said, suddenly, after tea one evening. “Let’s go out to-night and have some fun, eh?” “That’s a good idea, George,”, his bored spouse replied, yawning. “And don’t forget to leave the hall door unbolted. when you come in—l may be later home than you!”