SMILE AWHILE

Taranaki Daily News, 14 May 1932, Page 7 (Supplement)

SMILE AWHILE

Two sharp youths from London, while enjoying themselves among the heather in Argyllshire, met with a decent-look-ing shepherd on top of a hill. They accosted him by remarking: You have a fine view here, friend; you will see a great way.” • ' "Ou aye, a verra great way, replied Donald. ' . ' "Ah! You will see America from 11676 “Further than that,”-- said Donald. "Ah! how’s- that?” asked the youths. “Ou' just wait tiff the mists gang awa’, an’ you’ll see the moon.”' ® a ®

Smith returned home and found his 1 wife in a seething temper. "Henry,” she- said, “why have you been telling your friends that you married me ' because I was such a. good cook?”

Smith sighed wearily. «Ee —r—-he stammered. “But you know I can’t cook a carrot,” she interrupted. "Well, my dear,” Smith replied soothingly, “I had to have some excuse.” ° « « *

"Jock,” said Sandy, "I have come to the conclusion that honesty is the best policy after all.” “And what makes ye think that,. Sandy?” “WeU, the other day, when I was on 9. bus, the conductor forgot to ask me for my fare, so as I was leaving I told him about it, and gave him a three-penny-bit for a penny ride.” "Well, I don’t see how honesty’s the best policy.” “But, man, he gave me flvepenee change.” «", • *

The young suitor had called on his loved one for her reply. “No, Oswald,” she said, "I’m afraid that I cannot marry you.” Oswald shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, very well, then,” he returned savagely, "there are others just as good.” "Better,” she retorted. “I accepted one of them yesterday.”

The deaf man stepped down from the dentist’s chair after the operation. “How much do I owe you for that?” he asked.

The dentist looked thoughtful. • ‘Three guineas,” he replied. "Five guineas?” asked the deaf man uncertainly. "No,” put in the dentist quickly, "nine guineas.” \ « * * w

He: Darling, don’t tell anybody we are engaged just yet. She: Only Rose. She always said I would never find a fool to marry me.

Political Candidate: I am willing to trust the people. Interested Listener: I wish you would open a grocery shop in this part of the town. ®♦♦ i * Customer (to butcher); Those saus-. ages you sent me had meat at one end and bread at the other. Butcher: Yes, ma’am. In these hard times it is difficult to make both ends meat. • » * . • The bore had been talking about lots of things of no particular importance. "My . eyes are very weak,” he said. "I wonder why?” "They are in a weak place!” said, an elderly man, who had been trying to read his paper. ( ® • *' . * George (nervously): I’d like, the best in the world, Kitty, to marry you, but I don’t know how to propose. Kitty (promptly and practically): That’s all right, George. You’ve finished with me; now go to father. «* ‘ # He: You look like a fool.in that new hat. . ; iShe: Yes, and I’d feel, like one in my old one. : . > , ; ® - • #' (Bob; "If your father catches us eloping to-night, I wonder what, he’ll say to your mother?” . ■.■ ■ Betty: “He’ll probably say, /Sh-h!’.” a ' ® ® .- ® In parts of Hungary farm labourers are paid in vegetables. Occasionally a workman who is short of beans will ask for- an increase in his- week’s celery. 8 «. .. . * * The Magistrate looked sternly over his glasses at the-man in the -dock. ‘"The plaintiff says that you tried to speak to her in -the market square,” ho said. "What ■ have you .to say regarding that charge?” ■ ' The prisoner shook his 'head. "I was looking for my city cousin,” he replied. "When I tell you that I have never seen her before, and that she was described to me as a beautiful blonde with a perfect figure, irresistible manner, wonderful clothes, and “Your Worship,” cried the girl in the well of the Court, "I don’t think I’ll prosecute this gentleman after all. You know, anyone might have made the same mistake.” a e • « The young doctor and a friend were sitting at the club -window when a well-dressed lady passed by. “There ■goes the only woman I ever loved,” said the young M.D. “Indeed,” said the other. "Then why don’t you marry her?” “Can’t afford to,” replied the doctor. ■‘She’s my best patient.” # ® ® • At a police Court the habitual drunkard was summoned for the usual cause. “Ten shillings or 14 days,” remarked the Irish Magistrate. “But I’ve only two shillings in the World,” replied the prisoner. “Well, you must go to prison then. If you had not spent the money getting drunk you would have been able to pay the fine!” ®®® « . It was her birthday. Fortunately, he had remembered to buy her something. “There you are, my dear,” he said; "a lovely string of pearls for your birthday.” She looked a little despondent. "But you knew I wanted a motorcar,” she replied. “I know, dear,” he told her. “But I have tried everywhere, and I can’t get an imitation car.” ® ® ® e Mcßay, the Scot, stood in the bar of the Red Lion. He was very thirsty, but had only a penny, which was not sufficient to purchase a glass of beer. Suddenly an idea came to him. “Excuse me, sir,” he said to one of the other occupants of the bar, who had just been handed a glass of beer, “but would you like to see a little trick?” . The man nodded. “Very weel,” said Mcßay, "I’ll bet ye a. penny I can drink that glass of bitter without you seeing me.” The customer laughed. "Go on, then) do it,” he replied. The Scot proceeded to drain the glass of its contents. "There ye are,” he said at last. “I’ve done it.” "But, man alive,” cried the customer, “I saw you do it.” "That’s right,” replied the satisfied Scot, "you win. Here’s the penny.” » ® ® ® Landlady: "So Mr. Newboard. has found something fresh to complain about this morning?” Maid; mum; it’s ths eess.”