FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 17 October 1931, Page 21 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

A , lady who took her daughter out to tea was surprised to see her trying to. put a thin piece of bread and butter into her pocket. , “Whatever are you trying to do? asked the shocked mother. . “I thought I would take this home to nurse for a pattern,” replied the little •••• * . , The motorist was lost. He didn’t know the way to go. Suddenly he saw ah old man approaching. ’ “Hi!” he shouted, “do you know the way to Widdlecombe The old man shook his head. ‘No, darned if I do,” he said.’ The motorist drove on slowly, and when he had gone about half a mile he heard loud shouts behind him. He stopped and looked routid. The old man had been joined by another, and they were waving him back. Slowly he backed his car down the narrow road. “Wellhe said. . “This is my mate, George,” said the old man. “’E don’t 'know, neither.” * *' • The twins had been brought to be christened- , , “What names?” asked the clergyman. . “Steak and Kidney,” the father re“Bill!” cried the mother, “it’s Kate and Sydney.” '• , '', ' • • - * • NO CONFIDENCE. A negro boxer was to fight a heavyweight champion. When he reached the rin” it was noticed that he hung back. “It’s all right, Sam,” said his second. “Just say to yourself,. ‘l’m going to beat him,’ and you’ll win.” “That’s no good, boss,”replied Sam, “I know what a liar I am.” EFFECT OF THE WEATHER. Jones was buying some notepaper. “This is the kind I generally get,.’ he said, holding a sheet-up,'-.to the light. “But, I say, this paper hasn’t the usual watermark.” ■ . “Well, sir,” replied the clerk, that is on account of the recent droughty you know.” © « • • BEARING HIS BURDEN. Hostess: “What, going already. Mr. Peck? And must you take your dear wife with you?” t Peck: “I’m sorry to say I must. • « • • THE OLD AND THE NEW. Professor: “This vase is two thousand years old. Be very careful in carrying it.” New Maid; “You can depend on me, professor. I’ll be as careful as if it were new.” • FINIS. A poet who had been asked to write a few verses for a special occasion, found himself at a loss. He looked iip at his friend. “I have got here, ‘I saw inyself in a dreary waste,’ but I want two more words to finish.the line” “Paper basket!” suggested his friend. « # • • THE LIMITATIONS OF SUBTLE GRAFT. Fortune Teller: “In. the configurations of your pqlm, lady, I can trace your future husband.” Clients “Really; then perhaps you can trace my present ofie, I can’t.” ■’ 1 # • . .© ■ • FOLLOWING THE RULE. A master caught sonic pupils card playing, and, after admonishing them, he selected a bircji. At this they shuffled with anxiety 7 and uneasiness.'' “That’s right!” he exclaimed, “you shuffle and I’ll cut!” 9 ’ © • A SERIOUS CASE. “Why is Payne pacing up and down outside his houAe ?” asked the suburbanite of his neighbour. - “He’s awfully worried about his wife, poor 'fellotv,” returned the other. ' '“Why, what has she got'?”' inquired the suburbanite. ■> “The car!” he was informed.