WIT AND HUMOUR

Taranaki Daily News, 9 October 1926, Page 21

WIT AND HUMOUR

SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. “It's hard for me to get up early,” said the young fellow. “Why don’t you go to bed early, then?” asked his innocent uncle. “That would be even harder.” * * • • TOO LATE FOR HERBICIDE. “Have you. any dolls, Ruth?” we asked the little girl living in our house. “Yes, I have one,” Ruth answered, “but Aunty Jet it fall and all the dandruff camq out!” HANGING COMMITTEE. Agatha: “Laura is getting tin-ibly high-hat, my dear. She had her hair permanently waved and then had her portrait done.” Harriett: “Her family say it reminds them of pictures in the National Gallery.” Agatha: “Yes, and her friends say it reminds them of pictures in the National Geographic.”

“FIVE MINUTES’ WALK.” Land Agent: “Did you make a sale with those people you drove to the estate ?” Go-getter: “No, I was arrested for speeding between the station and the allotment.” • • « • WELL BROUGHT UP. “That’s a nice boy,” said the visitor, as little Bobby picked up his scattered toys. “I suppose your mother has promised you something if you clean up the room?” “If I don’t!” he corrected. * # # * AN AWKWARD SITUATION. “What is it now?” “Some of your constituents, senator.” “How many?” “About fifteen.” "Awkward number! Not enough for a speech and too many to take to luneh.” # • * # Teacher: “Yea the earth travels round the sun. Now, can anyone tell me what travels round the earth?” L Billy: “Please, teacher, tramps.”

DIFFICULTY OF REMEMBERING. Little Emily had been spending the afternoon witli Uncle Will and had been quite fascinated by his stories. She wm particularly impressed with some exploits of Mr. Roosevelt before he became President of the United States. “And do you remember him?” asked the little girl. “Yes indeed,” replied her uncle. “You see, 1 m much older than you.” “Well, then,” she asked, “how much older will I Jiave to be liefore X can remember him?” COULDN’T BE BOTH. An Indianapolis woman had an altercation with the coloured garbage man. She called up the proper authority to report him, saying that he spoke to her in a very' “ungentlemanly manner.” The man at the other end of the line said:— ‘‘Why, lady, you surely wouldn’t expect him to be a gentleman and a gar. bage collector, too!”

PERFECT SECURITY. Dilly: “Have you confidence in Mossj the banker?” Dally: “I’ll say I have. Whenever he lends me money I am absolutely certain that it will bo paid back.” “I KNOW—WHICH.” A man inserted an advertisement in a L-os Angles paper as follows: “I know who has my little Boston terrier, brownblaek, uncut ears. Will you bring it back and take a eoek on the jaw, or keep it and go to gaol and take a eoek on thg jaw besides?” • • • • A LENGTHY JOB. “It must be hasd to call a plumbet in a hurry in Austria,” “Why so?” “Over there they call the bursting of < water pipe ‘hochquellenwasserleitungsrp. henfatalitaten.’ ” • • • • Jester: “My work is improving; ab ready my jokes are being read by twicj as many people as before.” Editor: “Oh, so you’re married, ah?’’