THE TELEPHONE.

Taranaki Daily News, 29 December 1923, Page 9

THE TELEPHONE.

THE PAKEHAS AND THE MAORIS.

(By

J. S. Stronge.)

“Ho! exclaimed Hone, drawing rein at my gate;” You got ti telephone on t’is road?” “Yes,” I said, “If you like to come up to the house you can use it. I’m just going in.” He grinned and swung himself from his horse, and as he accompanied me to the house I able to appreciate the fact that his brown boots were new and a size too small, and that they hurt him. He did his business quite like an old hand, rather to my surprise, and as he hung up the receiver, I said: “Y ou know how to use a telephone, then ?” “Py korry, you bet I do; We got ti pranch line out ti pah,” he chuckled. “I tell you about tat, too.” He sat on the end of the verandah and took up his parable, while I smoked and listened to this tale of the uses and abuses of the telephone. “Ho, yes! we got ti telephone all right. •Ti pranch line, ail same you got here; ring one more time for each whare; It all right! Most ole Maori can’t read; plenty pakeha; past fort standard; My wahine been past sixt standard. When my lil boy big I send it ti college; how big now? Oh! ony three monts. Fat! Py korry, he fat! “What I say ? Ho, ah! plenty Maori can’t read ti papeh. So when he done work for ti day, he sit down in ti whare, and put ti. telephone to his ear, and hark to all ti neighpours’ talk. Some time tey talk bout him. Then he can back chat tern. Some time tey get fightable. I know one man get so wild he go out and cut ti line with a tommy-hawk off ti wood-pile, an nearly fall off ti roof. It useful peside. “I membeh one time—our pah bout half way up a long road, Wytuna Road! you know him? Plenty long road. Ti telephone ony go bout tree houses past ti pah; houses bout half mile between. “Well some feller, in ti township, two Pakeha with ti probition order got tarn tirsty, so tey make ti plan; tey ride right up ti road to ti last house. Ten one get down and lie on ti road; and turrer one go to ti house and sa}’, ‘My mate got trown from ti house and hurt his leg, you got any whisky.? He faint like.’ “Ten ti wahine look out of window, and see feller lying by ti roadside, and say she call ti boss, he out in back paddock. Ti feller say not to trouble; ‘Give me ti bottle I manage to get him on ti hause.’ “So ti wahine give him some whisky in ti bottle; and he go out and give his mate some, and he help him on ti hause, and put ti pottle, in his pocket, and when tye get round ti bend tey finish what left, and trow ti pottle in ti ditch. Next house, turrer feller fall off his hause, and tey take turns all down ti road.

“Some house tye give ti pottle, some ti cup, some tey ony get cup of tea. One place wahine give him a stink in little green pottle, nearly kill him. Py ti taime tey get to ti hous£ just next ti nah, tey more drunk or tey been for monts. Te wahine. she look in te cupboard, she find ti pottle empty. “She tell ti feller to go mind his mate, she see can she get some more. Feller go back to ti road, tey bean gains one nurrer and wait. Wahine go ti telephone, ring up next house. Wahine there say man just hurt hissely on ti road, and 4 had all there was in ti pottle. Say tat funnier! Ring up next one; same ting. Wahine look out window, see tern leaning gainst temselves, and on ti road.

“Ten tese tree wahine get wild, cos tey been had. Tey ring up to pleece in te township, and tell him all bout it. Pleece say, ‘All right, Missus, I come and meet him.’ “One ole Maori in ti pah, he lillen at ti telephone; he hear all bout it. He laugh, he get a pottle, and he go down to ti creek, and fill it up with swamp juice. He nut in some worm, and-—what ti little round feller with a squirmy tail?—Ah!—tatpole. Tat ti feller; he put plenty him. “After a taime tese two feller say, Missus suspicion them; petter tye get along. ‘Te next place tey come to ti pah. “One feller get off Iris hause and lie down peside ti road, and turrer one go in to ti pah. Te firs man he see ti ole Maori. He been tole some more Maori, and tey all go with him: and he take the bottle to give ti poor feller a good drink. Te poor man see man coming with a pottle, and he close his eyes, and look very poorly. “Te Maori he looking very sorry for him, and he put ti pottle to his mouth, and tilt it up, and ti poore man feebly open his lips, and take a good mouthful.” My informant bent back and laughter, slapping his knees, and rocking from side to side. “Py korry? He perform! He get on his legs, and blow worms and tatpoles all over ti place; and ten he talk. Py gorry! he talk! “And while he Still talking, ti pleece come along pehind him, and write it all down in a little book. And when ti fellers going pefore ti court, ti pleece read it all to ti boss—judge, you know him? Well, he wi shamed at tern, he send tose fellers to ti stone jug. “Py korry! ti telephone, all ri!”