Page 1 Advertisements Column 4

Taranaki Daily News, Volume XXXXII, Issue 98, 26 May 1900, Page 1

WHAT THE COLOURED LIGHTS i 'iV>;t-: V MEANT. ' .♦,s•„» Two dudes, who had vacant stare* and were dressed in the latest fads, sat in a rmln and bobbed up and down as the train j~— J finally awakened a substitute' {or brainto one of them, who watched t'— "--*-■— •■■ nals with increasing wonder. " Algy, mo boy," said he. "What is it, Oscah?" "What aw those ?" ■• ,' " Those what, Oscah ?" '•■ Those wed and gwcen things that I , } h °? e , aw I, ?'» s . "scab, dont yc knV I "I think, Algy, they are flash-flya of vawiegated colours." ', *m (•."You supwise me, Oscah. Those aw signal hKhts. When the fellow that www the engine: sees those he knows he's all wight. When he sees wed light be known he isnt all wi,«ht. When he sees gween lights he—he—lie—" «?TS/ " He what, Altjy ?" .*>•;■ :ty " He—he don't know what's the mattah "How nice. Algy, my boy, you have , gweat bwaui." ' i " Y J v . as '"t lc r, icsccdA, Ry' And he again lapsed into facial unconsciousness. »*M SAM JONES AND THE LOVER. When Sam Jones, the American revivalist, was preaching in a western town some lima ago, he was annoyed by a young man who was whispering to his girl. Finally the preacher could stand the interruption no longer, so he looked straight at the young man and said: " I will pause till the young man in the back of the room gets through his talking." The silence was intense, and every eve was on the young man, who was still whispering to his girl. He had been so busy that he had not caught the preacher's censure. Mr. Jones repeated his remarks, and this time the young man heard him. Not an instant did he hesitate. While every one was watching him, he looked squarely at the preacher and said: "Go right ahead, Mr. Jones, you are not bothering me." DR. JOHNSON REVISED. Perquisites—What you can obtain from your employer without being found out. Cheating—When others get the best of you in a bargain. Good financial management—When you get the better of others in a bargain. Fools—Those who let others interfere is their business. Men of sound judgment—Those who let you manage their business. A soulless corporation—The rich company in which you are not interested. A beneficent co-operative scheme—The rich company In which you are the principal shareholder. Rash speculation—When men lose in stocks. Able financiering -When men win in stocks. Villainous ring- The scheme you are not Ui' AUTHORS. It is related of Lord Mncaulay, the eniinrnt historian ami ...-„i;;m. that on one occasion he went to » K 01.-ptall to purchase some ballads (of which t-.c was always very fond), iind, as lie was n-.akir.a the purchase, some children caught <.lgl.t c( Win. Crowding around, ihcy said "'the ge'lman'S goltt* to sin*;," and '.hereupon followed him Into the street, where, needless to say. they wen disappointed. It is well known that Macaulay had a very retentive memory, and on one occasion he is said to have modestly asserted that, if by some peculiar freak of fortune, all thecopiesof " Paradise Lost" and "Pilgrims Progress" should be tucpt out of existence, lie would guarantee to reproduce them al> mc-st word for word from memory. He lived and died a bachelor, and, when asked why lie did not marry, he used to smile and say he never had lime for courting. Dr. Jo!iii.:on was noubly an ugly man, and it in wild that Uoswell, his personal Send av.d biographer, " added five hundred pu;'uds to the fortune of one of his babies hecaise v-be was not Irijrlitcned at Johnson's iifjy iac* " "The j;vo;il lexicographer was a jilitiion at tha table, seldom spoaking much ilui'my mer.t, wid • J caicc!ye\ , eii emitting any thin;,' more tliar. a mdo growl when spoken to. So fund was lie of his food that, as Maeaulay puts it, "he tore his dinner like a famished wolf, with the veins swelling on his forehead, and the perspiration running down his cheeks." As a child, indeed, throughout his life, he possessed a remark--4l)lv retentive memory, and his mother use* cf htea story of hid early childhood which ~ -«eiitly testifies to this fact. On one bU . • she tells us, being desirous of keepoccasion, .„;,,, for awW , ei wW , gt ghe fa tng mm c, *be upper rooms, she gavehira something m Him to learn a certain hymn i book ana told , lcft him> and proceeded by heart. She the. .4 on , y re^ched th , upstairs; but she h. .'•. camerunnlng second fl tshl when " Sai V, , lad learnt ,g up after her. declaring that. nralght off, He thereupon repeated it . <»uldnc' although, as his mother tells us, he have read it through more than once >*| Sir Walter Scott, whilst at school, . noted for his stupidity in learning; he woulu ' only learn when he thought he would." He was Generally to be found at the foot of the :lass, but at times he was stirred up.by an ambition to fi?nr« nt flic fisari nt hi. »1... On one occasion, inspired by this noble desire, he was led to adopt by no meant noble expeJicnts to attain his end. He bad passed up to the second from the bead, and ;here he stayed. The boy who was at the head saw that Walter was trying to take ;i5 place, and he, thereforo, worked bard nd kept his position, so that for days the wo boys were battling with each other, but mahy Walter, despairing of passing his ellow by fair means, determlnedtopatthlra uy a strategic movement. He toon noticed 1 hat this boy, whenever asked to answer a luestion, always started nervously clutching i button r? the bottom of his waistcoat. This was Walter't chance. At soon at he -aw the master coming he took hit penknife, ind quietly, unobserved, cut oflf the offend* nig button. The master came, put a question to the head boy, and he immediately dropped his hand in search of the faith* inspiring button, but finding It gone, ha Hushed, stammered, and forgot the answer, "'->'<" -nn (ho nnefHrtn f,r. anurht.

NOTICE, Horses Shy! Cows Don't!! SIKES' RED DRENCP CATTLE, Bold by KU.StMtfcwptf it.