HUMOUROUS.

Colonist, Volume LVI, Issue 13493, 12 June 1914, Page 2

HUMOUROUS.

Doctor (to patient)— You've had 9 pretty close call. It'® only your strong, constitution that pulled you through. Patient: Well, doctor, remember that when you make, out your bill. Indignant Wife: "T wonder what yoH would have done if you had lived wheaa men were first compelled to earn thei* bread by the sweat of their brows.' 2 Indolent Husband: "I should hav# started a little draper's shop and solS handerkerchiefs-." "Why, Willie," said the Sunday school teacher, in a pained voice, "have you been fighting again? Didn't yow learn^n last. Sunday's lesson that II you were struck on one cheek yoW should turn the other cheek to the striker?" "Yes, mum," replied Willie, "but ho hit me on tho nose, and I've only got one." "Ivydene, Sloshsea. Dear Bob,—i Down to the last half-crown. Assistance!— Yours, etc., Jimmy." "Brooklyn, Summerville. "Dear Jimmy,— Absolutely broke; send that half-crow^ at once.—-Your, etc., Bob." "There is a machine that can b« graduated to measure the millionth part of an inch." ';I know," said tn« railway passenger. "They use 'em iis the refreshment rooms on this lin© when making ham sandwiches." ■ It was a-beautiful New Year's morn* ing in the Stone Age. "Hey, Strong-* arm," said Hairy head, "lend mo youe. crowbar, will you?" "Whatty ye wani with it?" asked Strongarm. "I want to take it home," informed Hairyheacli,. "to turn over, a new leaf."

She: ({lf you don't give me that £5 1 want at once I shall go back to mother." He: "All right. Here'? tho 'fiver.' Now what are you going tot do with it?" She: 'Tin going to send it to mother so that she can come and see us." Mistress: "Of course, I don't wisS to put any obstacles in the way of youft getting married, but I wish it \ySre possible to postpone it until I get; another maid." Mary Ann: "Well, mum, I 'ardly think I know 'im well1 enough to arsk' im to put it off."