OUR TRAWL NET.

Colonist, Volume LII, Issue 12753, 28 March 1910, Page 1

OUR TRAWL NET.

A very deaf English lady, visiting a small country town in Scotland, trent to church armed with an ear trumpet. After a short consultation one of the elders went up to the Jady, just before the opening of the service, and, wngging his finger at her warn•ii'.giy, v. i'ispered : "One toot, and yc're oot:" How they saw Europe : - "And did you go through Berlin while touring abroad?" asked the caller. "Did we, dear?" said tho wife to her husband. "Yes," replied the busy man from behind his paper. "Don't you remember we bought some gasolene there?" "And Paris— did you stop in Paris?" continued the caller. "Did we, dear?" asked the wife of her hnsband. "Why, of course. Don't you know we busted a . tyre there and had to have a new one put on!" Farmer Brown and Farmer Jones were near neighbours, and many a dispute took place as-to who was the 'earlier riser. Both maintained that each excelled the other. One day Farmer Brown determined to put the subject to the test. Rising very early one morning, about two o'clock lie proceeded to visit his friend. Great was his astonishment when he saw Mrs. Jones hanging out the clothes ■in the garden. . ■ "Farmer Jones about/ he asked. "Well," replied the lady, "lie was <tho first part of the mornin', but I duimo where he be now." Little Mr. Crumpson arrived home one evening rather earlier than usual to find his wife away on a shopping expedition. He amused himself by picking up a ladies' paper, and was soon interested in a recipe for making ginger biscuits. "Happy thought!" said Crunipso i. "I'll give the missus -a pleasant surpi-5e," and when the lady arrived home she found a nice plate of biscuits on the table. 'Splendid, George, dear," she said as she iribhkd one of the dainties. "What do you call them?" "Ginger nuts, pet all my own make," was the proud reply. "Where tlid j-ou get the ground ginger, George?" "In the cupboard, darling. That green tin, you know." "Cupboard! Green tin!" came the exclamation. "Oh, George, that was beetle-powder!" , An elderly spinster, who, by reason of her exaction as to quality and her stringency as to prices of. goods supplied, was a terror to the tradespeople where she resided, had one day the misadventure to drink in mistake 1 a , dose of vermin-killer. Although for j some time in danger she recovered, to the great satisfaction and equal surprise of her medical man, who, knowing she had swallowed enough of the stuff to poison half a dozen people, had considered her case hopeless. Subsequent investigation, however, showed the packet sent to be part of a lot taken over by the chemist from lu's 'predecessor in the business, and on examination was found to have deteriorated through long keeping, to which latter fact she undoubtedly owed her life. On the doctor telling her all this she cried to her attendant , abigail who was present: — 'jVlind, Maria, when you have to pay that man Ms bill, he must take off the shilling he has charged for that vorminkiller. I won't have him putting off , his old stock upon me!" A clergyman happened to tell his ( sou one Saturday afternoon what les, son he would ; read in church the next morning. The boy got hold of bis father's Bible, found the . lesson's page, and glued together the ccinecting pages. In consequence the clergyman read to his flock the following day that' ""when Noah was 120 years old lie took unto himself a wife, who ! was"— here he turned the page--"140 cubits long, 40 cubits wide, built of gopher wood, and covered with pitch in and out." After reading the passage, the clergyman read It again to verify it. Then, pushing back bis ( spectacles, he looked gravely at the ( congregation and said: "My friends, this is the first time I ever read that in the Bible, but I accept it as evi-. dence of the assertion that we are fearfully and wonderfully made."