OUR TRAWL NET.

Colonist, Volume LI, Issue 12454, 2 February 1909, Page 4

OUR TRAWL NET.

A rather pompous individual re- J centlj' appointed Governor of a distant polony on the way out to take up His appointment was approached on the promenade deck by an , innocent looking fellow passenger, who humbly inquired: "Would you mind telling me what K.C.M.G. means at the end of your name, sir? It has puzzled one or two of us, and bets havo been made on the subject." "Knight Commander of Michael and George, of course," said the pompous one, as he inflated his chest. "Oh said the innocent. "I've lost my beu, I thought it meant "Kindly call me Governor." A curious CoUtt story went the -rounds some little time ago about a. lovely foreigner,* ; one of whose verbal slips gave King Edward occasion for a hearty laugh. A very lively personage, with a delightful accent she made such delightimpression upon the King that he asked her to be his partner at bridge. .■ ■ "But,, sir," she said, "I really do not know how to play." The King would take no denial, however, and she became rather embarassed. ■■ r ■ . ■ ' "I assure you, sir," she said, "I could not think of playing. I don't know the difference between a king and a knave." . Thoro was an awkward silence aha then she realised what she had said, and was covered with confusion. The king, of course, laughed it off. and now^ tells the story with gusto. It was the first case ever tried in Stony Gulch, and the jury had sat ;for hours arguing' and disputing. At. last thej' straggled back to. their placeSj and the foreman, a tall, big mountaineer, expressed the general oninion; ""We don't think he did it," he said slowly, "for we allow he wan'nt there, but we think he would of ef he'd had the chanst." , . He was a nervous, fidgety young man, and he looked with considerable apprehension at the woman next to him ,who held a baby, its face covered with a thick veil. ■ The baby gave now and then a sharp cry., which the woman evidently tried to suppress. At last, after many anxious glances jthe young man spoke. I'Has — has the bay any— anything contagious ?' he asked:' The woman looked at him with a mixture of scorn and pity. " 'Twouldn't be for most folks," she said, in a clear, carrying tone, "but maybe 'twould for you. "He's teething." Iji a Methodist . chapel in- North Durham a local preacher of a humorous turn was giving a Sunday school lesson on Christ passing through Jerusalem. Asking, one of the brethren to come forward the speaker jumped on his back, shouting _ ' 'Brothers! this is how Jesus rode through the multitude on the ass's back." : A teacher in an East side school Was trying- to' explain, some of the simpler phenomena of electricity, and at the close of her little lecture she asked, sweetly : "Now, can any of you children give me the name of ■ some.non conductor ,aud tell us about it in a few words, so that we can all understand?" A sharp eyed street urchin jumped up and -down in his seat, waving his grimy paw frantically. : "I kin. teacher!" he exclaimed. "Billy Hog_an's old man. is one. There was an inspector ■on his car seen him ; knock down a fare. /Old Hogan's I a non conductor ever since." J The plaj' was by .no means bril- ! liant and obviously, the mah was ; bored. Suddenty he leaped to his ; feet. • . ' J "I heard an alarm of fire,"" he I said. "I must go and see where it i is." •■ .:."■■ I His wife, whose hearing was less ; acute made way for him iri silence, J and he disappeared. j "It wasn't a fire, after all,", he ■ said, on his return . ; "Nor water either," said his wife, coldly. . They had been trying to conduct I tho business of the junior debating .; society iri ' a strictly '■ orderly fashion, j but the proceodiugs, which commenced with noise, gradually became upuproarious. At last one of the disi putants, losing all control over his , emotions, exclaimed to his opponent: I "Look here, you are. I think, the i -biggest and most conceited ass that I ever had the misfortune to: set j'eyes on." "Order ! order !" said the chairman, a pompous little chap with an affected lisp, "You seem to forget that I am in the room." A University orator declared "that the British lion, whether roaming the deserts of India, or climbing the forests of Canada, would never be found to draw its horns, or to retire into its shell in anytime of impend- ' ing danger." :; .. ,-\ -.;