HUMOROUS.

Colonist, Volume XXVIII, Issue 4174, 25 June 1885, Page 4

HUMOROUS.

The following good joke at the expense of the Knight of Kawau, is told by the Wellington correspondent of of the Lyttelton 'Times?.—"Mr I Pearson's dress suit went on to Sydney with his luggage the other ■ day, but^something of muoh more value has'gone on that ocean Journey too. That was nothing less than Sir George's bundle of little Bills, which he had carefully prepared and dr d for this session. 'Pooh! that t hurt him,' quotes a cynical Athinsonian, when he Heard the sad story,; ' the old gent has lost Bill affce^Bill for the past —I don't know how many sessions now. Bles3 your heart, he rather likes the situation by this time.'" „....' ',-'..,- ■ " Please to give me something, sir?' says an old woman. "I, had a blind child—he was my only means of subsistence—and the poor' child has recovered his sight." „ , . In Houston they showed me affidavits stating" that in Galveston the mosquitoes were so large as to be included in the Cow Ordinance, while I was told that the Houston mosquitoes wore ■ forty-five . inch undershirts. There; is -probably a happy medium between the two. The truth • is-that the coast-town;; mosquito rarely; exceeds in size the ordinary Texas mobk-ingbirdi^-N.8.-^-'When I left New York'l could'not have told a lie to

save my life];"and here' after three days' residence' in Tdxas'this is what I liave come to.-f" On a Mexican, Mustang;" ' " HI -A widow lady received a present of a turkey. '' Who sent it ?' she asked of the Irish porter. • I -was told not to tell,' said he, cAh ! I can guess,' said the lady. ' Bedad,' said the porter, ' that's just what I told Deacon Grant.' Old Lady of Severe Views (to Skittish young person applying for place), ' Now, as to what are, I believe, called 'Sundays1 out'?" Skittish One, " Oh, them, ma'am, is 'oily unmaterial. Some other evening when then the theayters is open is good enough for me." Fat man (who is in a hurry): " I'll give you five shillings to get me to the station in three minutes." Cabman (with provoking slowness): " Well eorr you might corrup me,' but you can't bribe that horse." [DrAnna Longshore Potts complains that ladies, for their want of medical knowledge, are unable to localise and describe accurately .their ailments]. Lady (after a . course of Dr Potts' lectures):« You see, doctor, in falling, my head struck, the mantel-piece, and the next morning I observed considerable ecchymosis and extravasation of blood beneath the cuticle under the left orbit." Doctor : " Urn. You mean, madam you had a black eye.". . „■':: One very cold night, a jolly old fellow, who had partaken rather freely of flip at the tavern, started for home in a trap and on the way was upset and left by the side of the road. Some persons passing the same way a short time after discovered the old fellow holding his feet up to the moon, ejaculating to, some invisible person, named John,—-"Pile on the wood ; its a miserable cold fire."