HOW A MAN GOES TO BED.

Colonist, Volume XXII, Issue 2514, 22 February 1879, Page 5 (Supplement)

HOW A MAN GOES TO BED.

Speaking of hoy a man goes to bed, an exchange says j" ' There's where a man has the advantage. He can undress in a cold room and have big bed warm before a woman has got her hair-pins out and her shoes untied.' That's how ifc looks in print, and this is how it is really : ' I'm going to bed, my dear. It's half-past ten." No reply. 1 Now, John, you know you're always late in the morning. Do go to bed !' ' Yes, in a minute,' he replies, as he turns the paper inside out and begins a lengthy article headed ' The Louisiana Muddle.' Fifteen minutes later she calls, from ,the bedroom: 'John, come to bed and don't keep the gas bupning there all night!' and murmuring something about' the biU being bU enough now.' she creeps between the cold sheets, while John reads placidly on, his feet across the piano-Btool and a cigar in his; mouth. By-and-hy he rises, yawns, stretches himself, throws the paper on the floor, and, seizing the shaker, proceeds to that vigorous exercise, shaking the coal Bt-ove. Just, at this,stage a not altogether pleasant voice inquires,: ' For Pity's sake! ain't you ready, for Bed' yet ?' * ¥es,jes.. I'm coming. Why don't you go.to sleep and let a fellow alone.' Then ha discovers that there is coal needed., When that ia supplied and rattled ioto the store,

he sits> down to: warm hts-feet^l Bfekt he| slowly begins U undress; , and.aaL,he. .stands; stretching himself/ antf absently* gazing onj the last garment dangling over^ the, j; ba,ck of| .the chair, he rememfoija <th^ not wound yet. When thisnis attended r to! he wants a drink of water, and away hie; promenades to the kitchen. Of course,! whem he returns, his skin resembles that of j a picked chicken, and once more he Beatsj himself before the fire for a last * warm up.'; As : the clock strikes 12, he turns out the gas, and, with a flop of the bedclothesand.a.few spasmodic shivers, he subsides. No, notj yet: he forgets to see if the frontdoor" wasj locked, and another flop of the bedclothes! brings forth the remark: 'Good,gracious!j if that man ain't enough to try the patience; of Job! V Setting her teeth hard, she awaits the final flop, with the accompanying 1 blast of cold air, and then quietly inquires: 'Are! you settled for the night?,V Tojwbicb he replied by muttering: 'If you ain't thei provokihgestwoman.'" 3'!/ ''U' J ■!