A STORY OF RED TAPE

Colonist, Volume II, Issue 121, 17 December 1858, Page 3

A STORY OF RED TAPE

The following amusing story of the vagaries of the " circumlocution office," is told by a correspondent of the Morning Advertiser: —

Lieutenant Trugleman was, to bis great delight, ordered to take the command of Fort Fullenough, a very small tower, in which certain stores of biscuits and a few barrels of powder were deposited. Twenty of his men, with a bugler and a proper compliment of noif-comnvissioned officers were to form his garrison, and it was with no little pride that Trugleman inarched in, took possession of his castle,-and gave out his orders in the.style of a Lieutenant-Governor; and as Fort FuUenough stood on a dreary common, isolated and shunned, he might fairly flatter himself as being the*' Monarch of all he surveyed." After this first bltish of exultation, and having written to all his friends for tlte pleasure' of telling them who he was now, our worthy Lieutenant began to make a most minute inspection of his little fortress. The old barrack-serjeant, ■ who had resided there since the British troops wore long gaiters, after shewing him around, made a serious complaint to him that the place was overrun by mice, who destroyed the stores—that is to say, carried off a hjrge per centoge of the biscuits, which, as I said before, the officer was sent especially to guard. Trugleman was a zealous officer; he Was also a literary nian, for "he knew the House that Jack Built by heart; and this gave him the proper hint to set about destroying the vermin. On the next morning the excellent subaltern, addressed the Board of Ordi-

nance:—" He did himself the honor to point out the evil, and he prayed those high authorities to accord him a mouse-trap.". Some three weeks later arrived a Large letter," On Service," in which the Board expressed their deep regret that, after making every enquiry, they found that they had no such article in store, nor .0011 Id they discover any authority to purchase one ; but as the case seemed one of importance, they referred the Deputy Governor, pro. tern., to —the Horse Guards. Enclosing a copy of this document, Tiugleman now addressed, his application to his more immediate commander. A cool refusal was the result; but nothing daunted, our worthy lieutenant persevered, and, at last, so graphically pourt rayed the lo9s caused by these voracious mice, that the Commander-in-Gluef of the day was at last compelled to admit the fact. "Send me, then, my mouse trap," insisted the resolute Trugleman. "We can't do that," replies tho military secretary;" we are not justified in the outlay.: But I'll do, all I can. You .will receive this evening, by the carrier—a,brindle torn cat!" The Acting Governor was,,during a few days, delighted: He had' triumphed. The puss wa9 a rare mouser, and all went yon well.' After a few weeks, however, Trugleman ; got somewhat tired of feeding a cat, which, was.not his property, and wrote off a most pressing letter, couched in official terms, soliciting his Graced or his Royal Highness, or Whoever inighfr theii have been Commander-in-Cluef, to make an allowance for the cat's forage. The request fairly bothered all the authorities, from the Military Secretary to the -Adjutant General's junior .clerk, were all consulted, but none could find a precedent. Some one. however, hit upon a bright idea; and a most .formidable.-despatch w&a sent.do.wn to the. aiixiou3 Trugleman, who, on opening it, was somewhat taken «'ack to find the follov\ihg reply :—-"Sir, —I hi.Trt the honor to point out to you, that if the mice are so numerous as you have stated in your despatch, dated' February last, No. 12,134, and the-cat does his duty properly, the former will afford the latter a sufficiency of food, without calling for pecuniary aid fw>»n her Majesty's Government •}".'■ :

This was meant to be a settler, and it was so for some time. But Trugleman was not to be shiiifled off in this way ; and like his Majesty George 111., when he'objected to tiord Kiiisale wearing his hat in a drawing-room, and was '-met by the plea of " privilege," immediately shifting: his ground, and while admitting the privilege as far as he was concerned, requested the nobleman .to appear uncovered'before the Q,ueen. Just so, the Lieutenant turned round, for he replied after a short time by speaking, that although his feline friend found abundant food in the game lie ran down, yet lie required i-iuk,aiid had a mortal dislike to water. , ' ''•''' '■:' i: : ' ": •'■'" ■•. :■ -: -'

The authorities,'fairly tired out, admitted tlie justice of the application, and ordered an allowance of one penny a day: to be accorded for the milk required by the cat resident in Fort Full--enough; and to this very day the same sum is drawn for and paid. The story is strictly true ;' I have-seen the vouchers.

This, light, and perhaps undignified tale,• n»ay. seem of little import, but it illustrates the tact that clerks were employed for several weeks on a ridiculous correspondence.: that paper, labor, and postage-were wasted, and nu annuity (in perpetuity )of £l. 10s. 7d. given to a cat, when.a mere grant-of a mouse-trap, valued 6d., Avpuld/haye saved the Whole1! .. •