THE MUSIC IN OUR RURAL CHURCHES

Colonist, Issue 62, 25 May 1858, Page 4

THE MUSIC IN OUR RURAL CHURCHES

(From Ussays contributed to Blackwood's Magazine, by Rev. J. Eagles, M.A.) In our rural parishes what can possibly be worse than the music, and what more difficult to remedy, and yet preserve harmony? Singers were ever notorious for loving to have;.things their own way: ask them to perform anything, they are. dumb—there is no end to it when they begin of their own accord. .Omnibus hocvitiumestcantoribus. But religious singers are of all the most given to sudden discords. They imagine the whole congregation assembled but to Hear them: one of them told me with pride, that it was the only part of the service during which no one was asleep. Warming upon the subject, he added, that he had authority for saying, the singers in the Jewish Church had precedence of all other officials, and performed the,most essential part of the service, as was clear from the. Psalms, "The singers go. before, and the minstrels (which he took to mean ministers) follow after." The conceit of country, musicians is intolerable; what I chiefly complain of is their anthems. Every bumpkin has his favorite solo, and oh ! the mur;der, the profanation! If, there be ears 4eyput : in,the congregation, how must they ache-! These anthems should positively be 1 forbidden by, authority. ;..* Half-a-dozen ignorant, conceited fellows stand up;•- with; a falsehood to begin with, they profess to : sing "to the honor and glory of God," but ; it is manifestly to the honor and glory of John Jones, Peter Hussey, Philip. White, John Stobes, Timothy Prim, and John Pride. Then, when they are unanimous, their1 unanimity is wonderful, as all may know who remember in full choir, clarionet, bass, and bassoon assisting. " Some put their trust in Charrots and some in Orses, but we will remember," &c. In our gallery ■there was a tenor voice that was particularly disagreeable; it had a perpetual yap yap in it, a hooh, as if it went round a corner; he had a very odd way, of which certainly he did not "keep the noiseless tenor.", Then not only every one sings as loud as he can bawl, but cheeks and elbows are at their utmost efforts, the bassoon vying with the clarionet, the goose-stop of the clarionet, with the bassoon-—it is Babel with the.addi-; tion of the beasts. By-the-by, it was a good hit of Coleridge's, it was the "loud bassoon " that suspended, and almost broke the charm that bound the wedding-guest to the Ancient Mariner's tale. Speaking of that audacious instrument, a misnomer was not inappropriate, if transferred to,the player. A neighbor met a clown going from his own parish church to mine. "Why, John," said he, " what takes you this way ?" " I do go," quoth John, "to church, to hear the Baboons." : He invariably reads "Cheberims" and "Sepherims," and most unequivocally " I am a Lion to my mother's children," and';really he sometimes looks notv• unlike one. This reminds me of ,a clergyman I knew years ago, now dead many years—an amiable excellent man, who went by the name of " The Lion," he $as, so like one. He hadf too, a manner of shaking his head at you in coming into a room that; was quite frightful. I have often heard him tell the following anecdote of himself:-—lie , had to petition Lord Chancellor Tliurlow for the transfer of a - poor country Crown living from an uncle. Accordingly, the simple man waited on theLord Chancellor.- He heard old Thurlow roar out (as his name was announced) " Shew him in." In he walks, shaking his head as usual, and looking very like a lion. Thurlow immediately cried out, "Shew him out!" adding with an oath, more suo, " I never saw/such an ugly man in my life,"; But he gave him what he wanted. If the clergyman happens not to be musical, the whole choir! hold him in contempt; but if he make attempts occasionally, to join and do his best, pleased with the compliment, they will spare him: as thus—One wishing to put the choir in good-humour, had the hypocrisy to applaud their efforts to the principal singer, who replied, pulling up his waistband and looking satisfaction, "Pretty well for that, sir; but dang it, we didn't quite pat off the stephany " (symphony.) " Does your parson sing ?". «* A... do mumbly a bit." Now, this was meant to let him down easy: it. was. neither praise nor quite contempt, but one qualified with the other. But could I put before you their books—could • you read or. hear what they do sing, especially •on occasions such as weddings, funerals, and' some festival days, when they take the liberty of an ttd libitum, and thus outrun King David with a vengeance, you would iaUgh heartily, for an hour or two; and, as. that might be construed into throwing ridicule, on the Church, I will not give you the opportunity, but I will, by one anecdote, shew you that they ;ar^not, very;nice:in ; jheiriselectioni-JAn: old singer, who had vociferated from, his boyhood past his threescore years and iten, .wishing to keep up the astonishment of the congregation to .the last, asked a young lady to give him some. new tunes. Lira -frolicsome mood she played him the common song, "In a Cottage near a.TVobd/' The old man was delighted, requested words and music to be given him; it was done,; and night and day was he at it. And how dp you think he adapted it to .the church ? You shall hear; and would you had heard ■ him and seen him—his flourishes aiid his attitudes—the triumph of music over age. Thus, then, he : adapted it, singing, "In a Cottage near a 'ood." ■■'■" Love and Laura;, ma'am ain't Scriptural—and must make it Scriptural—so, .. . i r

" Love and Lazarus still are mine." j "Misum teneatis." Never was. love so joined. But what will you say to the charms of Lazarus ?, Impossible—rrio—it is even. so. Thus— .: i ■ .. "Lazarus, oh, my charming fair, . ■ . None wi' Lazaruscan compare."- ; - Judging from this specimen, you will not •think it safe to request a peep, into his book. But do you think any piety, any devotion, proof against risibility, with such an ally as Lazarus, anthemised with love in a church gallery? * I am sure'none of the congregation could have slept after that, with the affettuoso and the con spirito in their

ears; and had that been sung last Sunday, instead of the funeral hymn, a compilation from "Death and the Lady" and the 90th Psalm, we. shouldn't have been disturbed as we were, for the meloncholy drone had set a great portion of the congregation to sleep before I had given out the text. A great fat fourteen-year-old farmer's daughter had seated herself, witt three sisters and a little brother, in.the exact proportion of the descending scale. They were off the "Nid noddin' at our House at hame" family. A nodding, indeed, they had of it; the big one lost her balance, fell against the sister, that sister against the. | other, then the other, and then the boy, and down they all went on th^J|por of me ! pew, like a pack of cards; Jpje,. ?iqdeed, i heavy with her owniweigh^v^ejre^t with additional. While on toii^ebtof parish choirs, I must mention ione situation in which you have it in perfection. Did you ever attend a parish clu|>??- PC assure you, if you are once a curate^ aim at decent popularity that you may^pgpod, you.must ! not refuse the invitation, which is. given1 with, much ceremony; nay, mor€, you must carvs the mutton, and the beef, and the veal, sit at the end of a lon£ table, closeby |he door,: yourselflthe^ only^ppo-.: sing" barrier to the fume, heat, and to^acpo^ ■smoker which, rustiest for.[,an"^ :exit thereto. -But.-it is -of^ihe.rnusic I wish to speak. On these occasions-there is a junction of parish bands; and \vhen, after dinner, to do honor to yourself as a guest, and the club, they are all packed in one room, not a large one, with scarcely room to exercise their elbows, which makes them1 more strenuous at the blovying, and when they set to ivork with a. twenty -musician power of lungs /and instruments,, all sti-iy-ing for the mastery—when-:you, hear, #ou will be convinced that it was a peculiar i tyranny in the King of Babylon jto make all people and nations fall down and wor~' ship him at " the sound of the cornet, flute, ■ harp, sackbut, psaltery, dulcimer,; and all j kinds of music." , .For if Orpheus is feigned' to have . uprooted , inanimate trees, and: made immoveable things^ move; sq wbuldj such woridrqus .powers,liaye a contrary]) effect on things animate and. rnpyable,.of making them stand stock-^till. vyith astpn-| ishment and confusion. •■ : .^As v fax',-.a.s'/Ica)^ observe* comet, dulcimer, and sackbut are' an antidote to worships,: In an argument upon the -never-ending- subject, excepting the self-worship of the performers, the re-j lative merits of the sister arts, music^ poetry, and painting, an ingenious fr jend quaintly observed that music was very well \ but for the noise. With the rememf : brance of the parish-club salute upon rne^ ■I perfectly : agree, with him." Shakespeare, j must have witnessed something of the kind, when he put into Lear's mouth, " Blow ye winds,;and crack your cheeks." ,I'have often -wondered at the fact,, that farmers and agricultural laborers are, thaii any; other class of persons, subject to'deafness. It never occurred to' me before;, that it might arise from parochial musiCv ~