IN LIGHTER VEIN

Te Aroha News, Volume XLI, Issue 6544, 15 November 1924, Page 6

IN LIGHTER VEIN

Colonel: Waiter, something to drink! Waiter: Yes, sir, water, sir? Colonel: Young man, I said something Vto drink. I don’t want to take a bath! M 5 't' \ Two friends were dining together. The one who carved gave himself the best part of the bird. His friend pro* tested. “What would you have then?’’ asked the carver. “Given you the best of the bird” “Well, I’ve got it, haven’t I?” Was the reply. * * * v * “Do fishes grow quickly, Jimmy?” “Some of them do. My father caught one last year that grows an inch every time he tells about it.” V- ’ . * * * * A vicar in a big industrial town arranged for a special service for working men. The service was well, attended, and the preacher began his sermon with the remark, rarely indeed have I been privileged to address so many tons of soil!” * * * * “Edith, can you cook?”/ “No, Lionel. Can you afford to keep a motor car?” “No, dear.” So they did not marry, and' they lived happily ever afterwards. L

sp * * * i • Fastboy: Really, dear, you should not wait supper for me when I’m detained at the office. Mrs Fastboy : Supper! The maid just laid the table for breakfast.

Worried Husband: Really, you do nothing but spend money. First, make me take a box at the theatre, then you drag me to supper, and now to complete the extravagance, ! you want a taxi. I ask you seriously, where is it going to end? Sweet Wife: Home, darling.

Butcher: I need a boy about your size, and will give him 12/- a week. Applicant: Will I have a chance to rise? Butcher: Yes; I wan’t you to be here at four o’clock in the morning. ■*.'*/■*

A farmer had four pigs that were rather “rickety.” The village cobbler spoke to him one day, 'remarking: “Those pigs of yours seem a bit rickety on their legs.” “Yes,” replied the faimer, “one of my men gave them poultry instead of pig powders. Now they want to sit.” j; ;> l 1 Manager: What’s the leading lady in such a tantrum about? Villain: She; only got eleven' bouquets ov£r the' footlights to-night) Manager: Heavens! Isn’t that enough? Villain: No; she paid for a dozen! r ;s|e*-1 « *_, • • Barrister: Speak a little more simply and to the point, please. You are a little ambiguous, you know. Indignant Witness I am not, sir* I have been teetotal for a year. • ,V''. '* . : y'i'j ■/; : • “Blimey, Bill, this.’ere wireless is like the rows me and the' missus; ’Sts.”; “’Ow’s that, Joe?” “Words over nothin,’Bill.” Sp g i-Sk,’ .* ' yjjfr ?•; George But, my dear, we agreed to keep our engagement secret- for. the present. Katherine: I know wo» did, George; but that spiteful cafcf Mabel,, said no fool would ever propose to me, so I had to tell her about ’ ’ ■ * . 'it you. , >. _ ; >; ;. y -