Suiting a Lady.

Te Aroha News, Volume VI, Issue 302, 26 September 1888, Page 3

Suiting a Lady.

A woman, who looked as if she had been a long time in this vale of tears, went into an establihsment the other day and 3aid : ' I want a pair of spectacles.' ' This way,' said an obliging clerk, with his hair parted in the middle, and he led her up a flight of stairs into a long room where a space was reserved for optical purposes. A small, nervous-looking man at once surrounded her. • Sit here,' he said, placing a chair for her, and hanging up an A B C card in front ot her. ' Fix your eyes on that, madam.' • I ain't a going to have my picture taken,' said the woman tartly. ' Certainly not, madam ; you wish to renew your eyesight. Just tell me what you can see on that card — 9—9 — 7 — 10. Do you follow me?' ' Jist let me have my umbrella, and I'll foller ye. I didn't come here to be made fun of. I ken read and write as well as you can, and count, too. I want a pair of spectacles.' • Exactly ; but I should recommend eyeglasses with such a nose as yours, madam.' ' What's the matter with my nose — hey ? If it ain't much of a nose, you ain't going to poke fun at it.' •It is a beautiful nose,' said the optician firmly j ' and would adorn a handsome pair of eyeglasses. Will you kindly look at this circle of lines. Do they appear to be of the same size ?' c 'Pear to be 1 They are all of a size. No fooling, young man !' ' Certainly not, madam. If the circles appear to be all of one size, your eyes are nofc deformed.' ' Deformed ! Goodness gracious ! Who said my eyes were deformed ? If I ever heard the like !' ' You see, madam, we are compelled to test the optic nerve and determine if the person has presbyopio — ' ' N"o, sir, I am a Baptist ; and I won't stay here to be insulted — ' ' You misunderstand me, madam, It you are afflicted with hypdrinyopia in either eye — ' ' Look here, young man,' said the woman fiercely. ♦ I dessay you think you're mighty clever, but I want a pair of specs. I ain't as young as I used to be, or, durn your ugly mug, I'd—' ' Oh, yes,' interrupted the rash optician, * I see you are getting old, and — ' Then the feathers flew. He never finished the sentence, and it was some time before anything in the room could be discerned, except an old umbrella and a pair of human arms revolving in the air like a pair of windmill sails. When the woman came out of the store she was trying to straighten out the ribs of her gingham, and muttering to herself- — • Old indeed ! I've ruined a 5-dollar umbrella, but I haven't lived all these years to be insulted by such puppies as that. Old ! The imperent scoundrel !'

GAKLIOK & CRANWELL are selling Furniture and Carpets very cheap. Iron Bedsteads and Spring Mattresses at greatly reduced prices. Bedding of all kinds ready for delivery. Oil Cloths from Is. square yard. Linoleum from 2s 3d. Blankets sheets, quilts, curtainb, and all furnishing goods splendid value. Wire Wove Mat tresses much cheaper than they used to be A strong Iron Bedstead and Wire Wove Mattress for 55s cash. pimple Iron Bedstead and Wire Wove Mattress for 38s cash price. Our goods are carefully packed, eveiy attention paid to prevent damage by transit. Buy all your household aroodsff om GARLICK and CRANWELL, Cabfaafr makers, Qunen street. Auckland