Bits of Fun.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 181, 4 December 1886, Page 5

Bits of Fun.

A couple of ladies were walking in a cemetery, when one of them pointed to a lovely vale and said — " That's the Bpot where I hope to be buried if my Hfj be spared." It was a German critic who remarked " that in order to prove the absurd irregularities of English pronunciation it will euiiice to state that the viord Boz is pronounced Dickens." Mexican pulque iB a beer made from the juice of the cactus, and iB cold for one cent a glass. It looks bitter, smells loud, and tastes yellow, but it gets there all the same. "Sugar weddings," four weeks after marriage, are the latest device of married Vermonters who keep themselves happy, How soon after this does the vinegar wedding come ? This time it is a Crown Prince who has published a book. He ie more fortunately situated than mo3t literary fellows, inasmuch whether the work sells or not he will get hie royalty juat the same. Tourist (to his Celtic guide) : " Why is it, my good man, that the Highland miles are so much longer than the Lowland ones ?" Celt : " Shust because ta quality is na sa coot, an they bate to gif better measure." A merchant in Geneva, N. V., advertised stating that he wanted to engage the services of a small boy. The next day his wife presented him with two small boys. That man says he don't think advertising profitable. " VVould you consider the deceased a heavy drinker ?" asked a local coroner at a recent inquest. " Wey, aa divvent knaa cc much aboot that," replied the witness ; " he wasn't, aa shud say, above eight styen weight !" There was some fun at a caucus in a town near Boston when a naturalised citizen gravely moved •' That the board of health be increased by the addition of a physician or something of that description." The motion passed. A Chicago man who ha 3 recently returned from Europe was asked what he thought of Rome. " Well," he replied, " Home is a fair pissed town ; but I couldn t help but think when I was there that she had seen ncr best days." The merits of a certain diplomatist being on the tapis, Washington Irving said, in allusion to hia pomposity—" Ah, he is a great weight. When he goes to the West, the East tips up." The deacon's wife wanted to put down the text, and leaning over to her scapegrace nephew, she whispered : " Have you a card about you ?" «• You can't play in church !" was his solemn, reproving answer ; and the good woman was so flustered that eho forgot all about the text. A humane man grabbed a club, jumped in and killed a goat that was chasing a man | down the street, who carried a red handkerchief in his coat-tail pocket, and the man came back and asked him why he did it, "To save you," replied the humane man. I "Save me, be hanged!" cried the oilier. " I have just bought that goat and waa coaxing him home.