MISCELLANEOUS.

Te Aroha News, Volume I, Issue 44, 5 April 1884, Page 6

MISCELLANEOUS.

Fool moon— The honeymoon. Licensing elections maintained valid. The fastest train out— The train of thought. Sir John Hall visits New Zealand in October. The Sultan of Morocco recently married his thousandth wife. A whaling party of 12 men has gone from Russell to the Friendly Islands in the Cygnet. What chemical instrument is like a cutting reply ? -The retort. Going out with the tied— Following a newly-wedded pair out of church. A considerable quantity of Canterbury wheat crop this year has been damaged in the field, and will be of little use for milling purposes. This is the reason why business is at a standstill, and no loading on at Lyttelton, buyers having no conhdence. The first person singular — Adam. It is proposed to prospect Palmerston District for gold. The export of horses from New Zealand to Australia continues. Hops have been very succcssfuly grown in Wanganui district. When is a scheme like the third of a yard ? — When it's a-foot. Always pointed and with one eye to business — A needle. The price of frozen meat in London is advancing. A splendid route for the North Island trunk line has been found via Mokau. It is proposed to form a Young Women's Christian Association in Auckland. London water supply is said to be villainously bad. Eighty men have been discharged from the Addington workshops, Christchurch. Milk is at present the fashionable drink in Paris. It is believed that Mr Gladstone's medical advisers Avill order him abroad. Bishop Barry is to be installed at Sydney on Sunday, 22nd April. Russia's public debt is about £400,000,000. Sir Stallbrd Northcote and Earl Cairns have recovered from their illness. The financial year of the colony closes to-day. The deficit in revenue will be about £130,000. " Eighteen-carrot vegetable soup" is to be had at some of the restaurants. There are as many counterfeit men in this world as there are coin. The Smith family occupies fifteen closelyprinted pages of the London directory this year. A three-roomed cottage at Nelson was burned down last Saturday. It was insured for 1 100, and the furniture for £50. Every man has three characters : That which lie exhibits, that which iie has, and that which he thinks he has. A Kausas jury gave the following verdict in a caso where a man died in a state of intoxication : "Death by hanging — round a rum shop. " "Where is the girl of long ago?" asked a mild-eyed poet. Oh, we don't know, brother. Go and interview your grandmother. A " Captain Austin," in trying to shoot a potato from his wife's head at Leicester lately, seriously wounded her in the forehead. What is the best way to prevent the night from going too far? Put on the break of day. Why are balloons in the air like vagrants ? Because they have no visible means of support. "Yes," said Miss Penn, " I rejected Mr Hogg. Nice fellow ; but I couldn't have the announcement of my marriage appear under the head-line — Hogg-Penn." The Obinemuri petition for separation from Thames County has been signed by two -thirds of the ratepayers. Mr Finn, a Gisborne lawyer, has got damages from his servant girl and her "young man" for having a spree in his parlour during his absence. St. Petersburg and other Russian cities are now supplied with frozen meat from the interior. The "Bay of Plenty Times" denies the soft impeachment that Sydney Taiwhanga was their special regatta reporter. Hamilton Borough Council propose to borrow £400 to secure a Town Hall and Public Library. About 3,500 steamers pass through the Suez Canal yearly, and the gross revenue of the Canal Company is £5,000,000. "Sir," wrote a tailor to a debtor, "If you will favour me with the amount of my bill, you will oblige me; if not, I must oblige you." Mr John Chambers has had freezing machinery constructed in London on a new principle, which, it is claimed, will only require one-sixth of the coal now used, and will reduce the cost of sending frozen meat from here to London by Id a pound. Wanganui Dairy Factory is a brick building, cost £1,500, and is conducted on paying principles. Milk is being supplied from 130 cows, the average daily supply being 207 gallons. It is calculated that each gallon of milk yields 11 lbs of cheese. A man named R. Skelton was found drowned at Mud Flat, Nelson, on Saturday last. He is supposed to -have fallen over the breastwork at high water. A boy named Peter Martin, while trying to enter a train in motion at Lincoln Station, Canterbury, on Friday last, was run over, and so shockingly injured that he died the same night. The Cabinet, it is said, have resolved upon introducing a bill in the ensuing 1 session for the amalgamation of city constituencies. The be&t government is not that which renders the individual happiest, but that which renders the greatest number happy. Mount Pleasant Estate, Canterbury, consisting of 6,800 acres, with 10,000 sheep, was sold by auction on Saturday last, and realised £38,500. On Saturday a fancy dress tournament and sports took place on the Caledonian Grounds, Dunedin, the proceeds of which were to go to the Benovolent Institution. There were over 5,000 people present, and it is expected the affair will yield £300. The Mormons are still making converts among the Maoris. The "Wairarapa Standard " states that seven were baptised on a recent Sunday, and there are about fifty adherents to the faith among the natives in the Wairarapa at the present time. In one or two instances it is said there is a marked change in those who have embraced the faith, low and drunken lives having given place to quite the reverse. India should bo the ideal country of our New Zealand railway reformer. A distance of over 1,500 miles can be travelled therefor £2 6s 8d, and a journey of about thirty miles by rail in any direction from Calcutta can be made for sixpence The " New Zealand Times " is rough on our legislators. It having been suggested that the members' free passes should be utilised by their holders reporting for the press, the "Times" says:— "With a few honourable exceptions, we know none of the members who are in the slightest degree ] qualified for the position, and we warn the press to be careful in employing men who, from want of proper education, combined with a general ignorance of the social amenities of life, might tend to lower the dignity of the Fourth Estate."

A Vane Fowl — A weathercock. Very bad harvest weather in Otago. Ashley County Council, Canterbury, has been extinguished. King Tawhiao still sticks to cold water. Dunedin City Council have dismissed the sexton of the Southern cemetery for improper discharge ot his duties. Christchurch Drainage Board are going in for retrenchment, and by re-organising the staff hope to save £1,200 a year. Too bad, eh ! Donald Dinnie has not a free railway pass. It is proposed to form an Otago Historical Society. The Zealandia, with the March mails, arrived at 'Frisco on 23rd inet. Mr Gladstone says of land nationalisation — " Compulsory expropriation is admissible, and even sound in principle." Wanganui people are presently exercised over the subject of higher education. Still they come. Mr T. Dwan, auctioneer, is " out " for the Thorndon scat. Mr Wardell, R M., Wellington, has maintained the right of lodgers at hotels to " shout " drinks for visitors on Sundays. " Soakers " may take the hint. Mr W. D. Carruthers, formerly manager of the Trust and Loan Company, died on Saturday at Christchurch. A dramatic company is playing " The Lights o' London " with great success in Wellington just now. The Kaglan-Kawhia road is now made nearly as far as Aotea harbour. The Maoris whose land is intersected complain of the Native Minister's discourtesy in not asking their leave. A new fire-proof paint has been patented in London — the peculiar constituent being asbestos — which renders wooden buildings non-inflammable. Send a thousand tons ot it here at once. A witness in a Kansas law-court, being bullied by a cross-examining lawyer, called upon the court for protection. The judge handed him a pistol. "I have no further quostion to put," said the lawyer. At the District Court, Hamilton, on Tuesday, His Honor Judge Smith announced that, on the recommendation of Mr John Lawson, the Official Assignee, Mr J. S. Edgecumbe had been appointed deputy assignee. At the end of 18S3 the population of Victoria was estimated at 031, 7S5, and of New South Wales 869,310. The increase in New South Wales was 51,842 during the year, or double that of Victoria. Every man with "a bee in his bonnet" should turn up to the meeting to-night. Professor Payne developed a new "fancy trick $hot" at Wanganui— he " sloped "the printer. A Wellington cricketing team will probably visit Christchurch during Easter. Another party of surveyors (O'Dbnohue's) has started for New Plymouth on an exploring expedition. The bodies of the three fishermen drowned at Wanganui on Sunday have not been recovered. Their boat was found seven miles from the scene of the accident. Orders have been given by Col. Reader that the headquarters of the A.C. force are to be removed from Cambridge to Alexandra. General reductions are to be made in the expenses. His Excellency the Governor has written denying that he reported unfavourably on the Caswell Marble Company's Avorks. He did not even visit them. Government having resolved upon using part of the Post and Telegraph Offices at Wellington for Customs business, the leading citizens of the Empire city protest against the proposed diversion. A Mrs Kiddie, of Adelaide, has been committed for trial for killing her husband by throwing a pair of scissors at him, which entered his temple. The members of Cust Road Board, Canterbury, have been arrested on the charge of trespassing on an estate and breaking down a bank to make an opening for water. There is a dispute as to property involved. Three thousand shares have been applied for in the new Accident Insurance Association. Judge Williams has decided at Dunedin that a woman who cohabits with a man has no legal claim to a share in his business. During the meetings conducted by the Blue Ribbon Army in the Exhibition building, Melbourne, about 12,000 people signed the pledge and 20,000 donned the "bito' blue." "They tell me Mr Brown has a great ear for music," said Henderson. "Yes," replied Fogg, "I knew he had a great ear — two of them, in fact, but I did not know they were for music. I supposed they were for brushing flies off the top of his head." " No more of the fruit, but a little more of the juice, if you please," said the temperance advocate when the hostess asked him to have another dish of preserves — bran died peaches.