EVA'S WILES.

Sun (Christchurch), Volume II, Issue 550, 13 November 1915, Page 12

EVA'S WILES.

I GO TO THE RACES. A STAID BACHELOR'S EXPERIENCE. [Written for THE SUN.] I have been to the races. Well? perhaps for you, hardened sinner j that you are, it was no unusual event. But for me! Well, listen. I am a staid and respectable bachelor. None of your flirting, picture going, money squandering gallant about me. On Sunday mornings I go to chapel. On Sunday afternoon I read Shakespeare. On Sunday evenings I go to chapel again. When my day's work is finished I dig my garden, and, like a respectable person, retire to bed at the first strike of nine. The city I shun as an evil thing, and only come in once in every week. I visit the post office every Saturday, exactly 10 minutes after T have received from my kind employer the three yellow sovereigns that he is good enough to allow me. Two of these I put under the clock; in other words, in the Savings Bank. You may think that I am extravagant in retaining one whole pound for myself. You are mistaken. I don't spend the whole of my pound every week. When I have provided for my modest requirements I place what is left in my pocket book. Now you will understand that in going to the races I was departing vastly from my regular and settled mode of life. But I shall not do so again. No; never again. I can only excuse myself by reflecting that the temptation w r as great. Like Adam of old, I was tempted by Eve. It happened this way: It was Saturday, and I was going to the post office to add two more sovereigns to my little store. On reaching Cathedral Square, I met my brother's wife. She is called Eva. I have often wondered why she was called Eva. Now I know. At her side hung something which I afterwards learned w r ere a pair of field glasses. In her hand was a walking stick. Eva greeted me with gushing affection. I was on the first step of the post office, and thought to raise my hat and pass on. But Eva was unusually pleased to see me. "You dear!" she gurgled, as she seized gay arm with sisterly affection, and held it tight, "I am delighted to meet you to-day. I declare," she continued, "you're not looking well at all. You really must have some fresh air." By this time I had been led away from the post office. "I know," she cried, clapping her hands, "a taxi ride. Hey!" she cried to the waiting taxi men. Panic-stricken, I protested. I was in splendid health. I had to dig my garden, I had, to plant my cabbages. It was of no avail. Eva dragged me into the taxi, and we were whisked away. It was a wonderful experience. I had never been , in a taxi before. We rushed past the parks, and along the Riccarton. Road. Heavens! what a multitude of taxis and motors, cyclists, and : horses. Where .were they all going? Ah! I remembered. The races!—l felt faint.

"Poor dear," said Eva. " I knew you were unwell. You need the open air." A moment later the taxi stopped. Eva got out. The taximan looked hard at me. "Ten shillings, please!" he said. "What?" I shouted. "Ten shillings!" "You would rob me. I will give you two shillings." The taxi-man got down. "Ten shillings!" he repeated, meantime buttoning up his coat. I didn't like the way he buttoned up his coat. I put my hand in my pocket and gave him a sovereign. "I'll keep the change for your, impudence," he said. Eva came back.* "The horrid creative!" she said. "How dare he? But never mind, you'll feel better when you've had a cup of tea." Then Eva let go my arm to pass through a big iron gate. "The gentleman will pay," she said to the man at the gate. I was helpless. Would I run away? The man was holding out his hand. "Two shillings, please*" I changed another sovereign. Then I remonstrated with Eva. I didn't want to ride in taxis. I didn't want to go to the races. "Don't worry," soothed Eva. "There's only one more gate to go through." I was up in arms, but Eva had already passed through the turnstile. "The gentleman will pay," she gushed. I paid. I did more—l cursed. I calculated rapidly how much I had spent. Then I cursed again. Eva was shocked—dreadfully so. Then she cried, and sobbingly inquired why I had brought her to the races to treat her like that. I commenced to protest that it was she who had brought me to the races. "What a brute of a man," I heard someone say. I looked round—a group of ladies were gazing at me. Eva resumed her crying. Then I felt contrite. "Come and have a cup of tea, Eva." Eva led the way, but not that which I had intended. In view of my many trials and tribulations I had thought to be spared the agony of spending four shillings 011 luncheon —that a cup of tea would do. But no. Eva marched into the luncheon room. "The gentleman will pay." I was too unwell to cat, but Eva was not. Eva had lamb and ham and salad, apple pie, bread and cheese, and tea. On emerging she declared that I was looking much better. I was astonished.

Eva led me on to the grandstand. Some horses were prancing about on the course; funnily-dressed little men were in the saddles. The horses presently disappeared. Then the stand on which Eva and I were sitting filled up. Presently someone shrieked, "They're off!" "Who's off?" I asked Eva. "Why, the horses, you booby!' she answered. Then the crowd stood up. Had they all gone made. "Two Lights!" yelled a creature alongside of me, at the same time jumping up on both feet, and waving an umbrella. "Two

Lights!" she shrieked again. "Is she mad!" I asked Eva. "What does she want two lights for?" Eva gazed at me with mingled pity and contempt. "Stupid!" she said. "The woman has backed Two Lights—a horse—and is barracking for him."

"Sedd-el-Balir!" roared a man above me, at the same time working his arms like a windmill, and bringing the glasses which he held in his hand thump down on my head every time he pronounced "Bahr." "Sedd-el-Bahr! Sedd-el-Bahr! Sedd-el-Bahr!" Thump! Thump! Thump! "Will you let my head alone" I screeched. "I'll have the law on you." "Two Lights! Sedd-el-Bahr!" Thump! My head was sore. Pandemonium reigned. Another wild roar. "Sedd-el-Bahr wins!" shouted the man above me, bringing down his glasses. I dodged, slipped, plunged forward, but though 13 steps up, I was not hurt. Sixteen people reached the ground before me. Disentangling myself from the folds of a lady's dress and the intimate contact of a gentleman's legs, I rose quickly and prepared to bolt. But I was not permitted. Sixteen people rose simultaneously from the ground like Moslems rising from their prayers. But these were not praying: on the contrary, their language was shocking. Some clutched at my collar. The lady who had been shrieking "Two Lights!" got hold of my hair. They were saying the most rude things.

It was Eva who saved me. Pointing significantly to her head, she whispered something in the ear of Two Lights. With a look of compassion at me Two Lights let go, murmuring something about "Sunnyside." I told Eva I was going home.

She would not let me go without some compensation for my trouble. She! had a good "tip" for the Cup. I must have a ticket. The suggestion startled me. Never! But Eva knew something—"lt's a dead cert," she declared, "an absolutely pure thing, and all you've spent to-day, you know, you'll get back, and ever so much besides." We found ourselves with an eager crowd in front of the "tote." "See those figures," said Eva excitedly; "it's a sure 'div.' of £25. You really must have a ticket on Sinapis—and sport one for me. See! they are going to close the window!" The last words "done it." They would not deprive me of my £25, and forthwith I bolted. How those wicked people cursed as I tore through them! The fools would stand gazing instead of making way for me. But I was not to be denied. "Two on No. 3!" I shouted as I reached the window. What the deuce was the man giggling at. But I got my tickets, and catching sight of Eva on the hill above the crowd I shouted to her, "I've got them." When I reached her again she proceeded to give me advice. "Think you'd better take your collar right off," she said. "Looks bad hanging over your shoulder like that; and here's a pin to fasten your shirt band. You've torn your buttonhole." Having carried out her instructions, it occurred to me that my red handkerchief would be a good substitute for the lost collar. We then went back to the stand. The horses were out. How I cheered No. 3 "Good boy!" I shouted as he galloped past. "Me and Eva's got our money on you!" "Shut up!" said Eva. I subsided.

"They're away!" shouted someone. "Hooray!" I yelled again. The horses flew past and disappeared round the bend. For a moment all was quiet, but as they rounded back into the straight shrieks rose on every hand. The poor fools! They thought they were going to win, but 1 knew better. It was my Sin apis that was prancing so gallantly in the lead. I would bank that £25 on Monday, but would keep back half a crown with which to buy some little present for Eva. It was good of her, I thought, to give me that tip. The winning post was near. "Sinapis! Sinapis!" I shrieked again. A mighty roar. It was over. I turned to kiss Eva in sheer joy, but she coldly waived me aside. "You've lost!" she said, "and have behaved most abominably." "Lost!" I cried. Tears spring to my eyes, and when they were clear again Eva had gone. Wearily I found my way to the waiting tram car. "Fares, please!" said the conductor. Mechanically I put my hand in my pocket. Heavens! My money was all gone, not a penny was left. I explained to the conductor. "Get off!" he said. I got off. THE MUG. I