THE KAISER'S DIARY.

Sun (Christchurch), Volume II, Issue 491, 6 September 1915, Page 6

THE KAISER'S DIARY.

A PRETTY SATIRE.

ÜBIQUITOUS WAR LORD.

[From "Puck," New York.]

On the Eastern (Russian) War Front.—l arrived here in my ninety horse-power Hassenpfeffer this afternoon, and am now on the firing line. That is, I can hear the reports of our cannon when the wind is blowing in the right quarter. Everything is going finely, but What impresses me most is the noble self-sacrifice of my generals, General Appelstrudel, in supreme command here, reported at once on my arrival, and seemed overjoyed to see me. He wept, so great was his eriiotion. "Majesty," he said, "I presume you come to take command?" I assured him that such was the case. \

"It is a glorious day for the Fatherland," he exclaimed; "but before you supersede me, Majesty, permit me to say a few words." I graciously gave him permission. ,

"Majesty," continued my General with tears in his eyes, "you are needed here on the Russian front. There is opportunity for display of that military genius which is yours by right of descent from the incomparable Frederick; but, Majesty, the inspiration of your presence is needed still more on the south front, where our allies, the Austrians, are hard pressed by the hordes of unspeakable Italy. For the sake of the Father-land"----General Appelstrudel's voice here choked with emotion—"l beseech you to leave me and go to the south front at once. Remember, Majesty, it is for the. Fatherland that I ask it. We must have you where you can do the most g00d."., W T e clasped hands fervently. "Appelstrudel," said I, "you are right: Be assured that I shall never forget your self-sacrifice. As the military genius of the empire, I do belong where I can do the most good. I leave you for the Italian front tonight." At this the General's expression defied description. He wept afresh and raised his hands •to Heaven. "Thank God!" he cried. I am off for the Italian front in my ninety horse-power . Hassenpfeffer.

On the Southern (Italian) Front. ■ —Ach, Gott! Was ever a ruler so blessed with devoted servants? I cannot believe so. Mine are beyond compare. I arrived at headquarters on the Italian front this afternoon, and. have just finished granting an audience to General von Handkase, who commands here. . After a few formalities I noticed that von Handkase was labouring under a severe strain. He mopped his brow with frequency, and his voice was husky with suppressed feeling. \ . ..

"What is it, von Handkase?" I asked frankly 1 . "You are keeping something from me. Speak I"; r : The General flushed, chewed hervously on a pretzel, and then spoke. . "You come to take command, Majesty?" he asked. .;'""..; ; "Assuredly," I replied. "I; knew it," he v continued, "and, ach, what a struggle has been mine for the past half hour! How can I give him up, I have asked myself." "What are voii talking about, von HandHase?" I enquired. "Who is it vou are obliged to give' up?" My General clinched his massive fists, made a gesture of anguish, and then literally burst with emotion. "Majesty," he cried, "you are needed here on the Italian front. There is opportunity for a display of that military genius which is yours by right of descent from the incomparable Frederick; but, Majesty, the inspiration of your presence is needed still more on the west front, where our heroic troops are hard pressed by the French and perfidious English. For the sake of the Fatherland"—it was most amazing, the words of von Handkase were the same as those with which Appelstrudel had addressed me—"for the sake of the Fatherland I beseech you to leave me and to go to the west front at once. Remember, Majesty, it is for the Fatherland that I ask it. We must have you where "you can do the most good." Silently I pinned six iron crosses on von Handkase's breast. I could not trust myself • to speak. When I could, I called an aide and ordered my 90 horse-power Hassenpf effer. "For the sake of the Fatherland," I said solemnly to von Handkase, "for that alone, I leave you. You arc a hero, von Handkase." My General stood with bowed head, his lips moving as if in prayer. Such sacrifice is sublime. On the West (Allied) Front.—l cannot write-to-night. My heart is too full. Where are the rivalries, the petty jealousies, which poison Hie minds and impair the efficiency of so many military commanders?. Certainly, they have no existence in the ranks of German generals. Never have I seen such noble-souled, lionhearted fellows. Such self-efface-ment. Such supreme unselfishness. Not one among them thinks of himself. It is the Fatherland above all. | I motored up to General Bockwnrst's headquarters last night. He had been appraised of my coming, and at once reported to me. "Bockwurst," I said, "I have come to lead your troops in person." "Do not make it so hard, Majesty," he blurted with bluntness. "Do not make what so hard?" [ enquired. "What, with your imperial permission, I am about to say," he replied. "To have you here, to be able to learn from such a master the art of war, is a privilege for which I am profoundly thankful; but it is for the Fatherland, not for myself, that I must think. Majesty,

you are needed on the allied front. There is opportunity, for, a display of that. military genius. which . v is yours by right of descent from the incomparable Frederick; but, Majesty, the inspiration of your presence is needed still more on the eastern front, where our dauntless countrymen arc hard pressed by the mighty hordes of the Tsar. For the sake of the Fatherland- " I raised my gauntleted hand and stopped him. "I understand you, brave Rockwurst," I said, visibly af- - fected. "For the sake of the Fatherland you would have me go where I can do the most good. Is it not so?" "Majesty," said the General, "you have taken the words from my mouth.' It will be hard to give you up, but I must—-I must for the Fatherland."* "For the Fatherland, Brockwurst," I trumpeted, and headed my* Hassenpfeffer east.