THE CHESTNUT TREE.

Sun (Christchurch), Volume II, Issue 364, 10 April 1915, Page 5

THE CHESTNUT TREE.

"Have you ever thought seriously of marriage, sir?" "Indeed I have; ever since the ceremony. '' Ouolly: When I was a boy, you know, the doctor .said if F didn't stop smoking cigarettes 1 would become feebleminded. Miss Keen: Well, why didn't you stopf A. little girl, who had partaken of the forbidden grapes in the garden, was suffering the painful punishment which so ,speedily follows the indiscretions of the wry young. "Now, Lucy, I told you not to pick those grapes," said the child's mother. "You were wicked to disobey mother, and God is punishing you for it." An hour later Lucy, still in pain, went up to her mother and asked in a tone of mixed indignation and supplication, "Hasn't God had enough of this yet?" "Who is that lady dressed in bhick, mother'?" asked Bobby, as he sat with his mother on a ferry boat. ."That is a. Sister of Charity, my boy," replied his mother. Bobby pondered deeply for a moment, and then he said, "Which is she, mother, Faith or II ope H" The breakfast table is the place v/her» "mat honeymoons go down with

a crash. It is never fair to look at a woman before she has gotten all the kinks out of her hair, nor to listen to a man before he has smoothed all the kinks out of his temper. i'cckliam: My wife talks, talks, talks all the time. Underthum: You're mistaken. She must listen part of the time, or my wife wouldn't be with her so much. The lanky youth who occupied a seat in a passenger coach persisted in sticking his head and shoulders out of the window. The brakeman was passing through the coach, and he touched the youth on the back. "Better keep your head inside the 'window," advised the brakeman. "I kill look out the winder if T waulto,'' answer; d the youth. " 1 know you can," warned the brakeman. ''But if you damage any of the ironwork on the bridges you'll pay for it." "'l'op, what's a monologue?" "A monologue is a conversation between husband and wife." "I thought that was a dialogue?" "TN'o, a dialogue is whore two persons are speaking." 1

Scene: The drilling ground at the (Jurragh Camp, Co. Kildare, Ireland. A number of enthusiastic but very young and very raw recruits being put through their paces by a somewhat irascible sergeant, when suddenly co.me