THE PASSING SHOW-UP.

Sun (Christchurch), Volume 1, Issue 235, 7 November 1914, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW-UP.

(By "KUSCOBTN" of the Sydney "Bulletin.") TEETOTAL RUSSIA? Hurrah! The Russian Bear is no j longer to go home with the milk and j wave the festive cray. He has turned teetotal. The Sly Grog party are shout- i ing it from the house-tops, at last Cold I Water has come into its own —and it does know how to be cold in Russia. Now, the only thing wrong about this widely advertised conversion to Ginger- s beerance is that it's just plainly and i simply—a lie. It's on a par with the i lie that is told about tho teetotalism of i the British Army —when, as a matter of i fact, rum is served out from the canteen 1 to the troops on the fighting line and a 1 pint of ale with dinner is specially pro- i vided for in the "billeting" regulations 1 of the Army Council. The position in Russia is just this — and let the lie be scotched once and for J all. You can go to-day from one end of Russia to the other and you 'll find liquor J sold everywhere and openly. The Rus- < sian Government has NOT prohibited 1 liquor; it HAS prohibited Vodka. The only unfortunate thing for the ordinary decently living Russian is that the Government didn't prohibit the sale of Vodka in 1895, when it took its sale out of the hands of the pawnbrokers who then controlled the distribution and established "kasinki," or State Vodka Shops. Vodka is distilled from rye and corn and fortified with everything from vitriol to dynajmite. Compared to Vodka, raw day-old brandy is as the cooing of a turtle dove and overproof rum as milk for babes and sucklings. The man who drinks a pint of methylated spirits or french polish or furniture varnish and thinks nothing of it, will give an amateur fireworks display on a nip of Vodka. To say that Russia has gone teetotal because it has at last, and very wisely, prohibited the sale of Vodka, is tantamount to saying that crime has been banished from the Dominion because we prohibit murder. Come on, you snuffling Joy Killers, next lie, please! COPENHAGEN. Were some of our Sly Grog advocates to live for a while in Copenhagen it might serve to widen their views on the liquor question. I say '' might'' advisedly, i'or the man whose viewpoint is so diseased as to believe Total Prohibition will be effective is beyond any power of logical help. But to any fair-minded person the visit would certainly be an eye-opener and. perhaps make one wonder if the ends of true Temperance were not better served by the removal of present restrictions' that will aggravate rather than cure. In Copenhagen, a city of only half-a-millioD population, there are 3577 places where alcoholic beverages may be obtained. The hotels there stay open till 1 a.m., inclusive of Sundays. In face of this, one would expect to hear that drunkenness is rampant in Copenhagen. It isn't- —that's all. It is one of tlie most, sober, most cultured, and most pleasureloving cities in Europe. Here is an opinion expressed by a leading member of the organisation that in the Dominion numbers amongst its members such wide-, minded and charitable souls as the Rev Mr Cocker and Messrs Stiggins and Chadband, of that ilk: "I spent some years of my early life in America, and what I saw there convinced ine that prohibition in laarge centres of population is not Only impracticable,' but leads to greater evils than thcjfee it seeks to avoid. My experience wai! that in the so-called Prohibition States there was more drinking and more drunkenness than anywhere else. In one town in Massachusetts, where I lived for some time, prohibition was supposed to be supreme, but the people drank like Hell. All who wanted liquor knew where to get it, and some of them seemed to drink out of ' pure cussedness,' simply because it was unlawful. It is the same with the drink as it is with boys and apples. . Place an apple on the sideboard and forbid a boy to touch it; he longs for the fruit and will not be satisfied until he has eaten it. While if you leave him in the room with a large basket of . apples, he will probably not touch them at all. So it is in regard to liquor in Copenhagen. People here have , every facility, Jo get what they want, and they take just what they require, and no more. Place difficulties in their way, and they would probably take a delight in increasing their Consumption,'' The human ridiculousness of the prohibition principle is so obvious that, to me, it seems only comic opera politics that such a measure should be seriously debated. THE JUDGE, THE BISHOP,' AND THE BAND OF HOPE. (The Auckland Band of Hope Union barred Bishop Averill and Judge Cooper from the presidency of their last conference because the former carried a pipe about with him and the latter had been seen to smoke a cigarette.) I saw in dreams a mighty portal ope, Before a certain bleak Assembly Hall, And here it was the Auckland Band of Hope Had set. a warder, grim, forbidding, tall, Who waved ia bannered legend on his spear: "All smoke abandon, ye who enter here." And 10l towards this portal did I spy Two shapes approach, a Bishop and his bride. '' By Jove! " I said, '' the old chap's pretty spry; That Lady Nicotine who's by his side." But when they neared the warder, with his spear, He jabbed their ribs and roared, "Get off from here." And then it seemed a Judge of learned mien Drew near, linked arm in friendly arm with one Who walked beside him, spectral, tall, and lean. '' Sir Walter Raleigh—well, that takes the , bun! " 1 muttered, but the Warder told the two: "Now, off you get, you blokes; we don't want you!'' And then I saw the warder's face grow glad, As one approached, umbrella in his hand, Belltoppered and in white side-whiskers clad, And mumbling maledictions on a land That had no ears to hear the kind of dope Served out by members of the Band of Hope. "Come in," the warded said, with snuffling groan, And falling on the wowser's breast, he cried: "You're just the very one to lend a tone To our debates. Come in, and please preside! " He went. Behind the pair the portal slammed, And waking me, I muttered, '' Well, I 'in (prohibited)." WORDS WILL FAIL. Christchurch people have earned and deserve a reputation for speaking the English language in all its purity, free 'from the Australian drawl or the G'anaJ dian twang - . But if prohibition be carried, we will-have to increase our vema-

— r * ' "ular by a number of terms current in the American "dry" areas. Otherwise, how 'are we to designate those gentry known over the water as Boot-leggers, Speakeasies, Bunco-steerers, Dumpers, and the rest of it? The miserable creature that slinks into the back doors of sly-grog shanties for its tot of methylated spirits, or that snuffling hypocrite who doses himself with overproof Indigestion Syrup and pities the poor drunkard, with _alcoholic tears in his own eyes—how si ?I Jithiu' scribe these? The former will be with iu n legion under prohibition; the lattei k already here. Published by arrangement.