THE TRIUMPH OF MRS PORTER.

Sun (Christchurch), Volume I, Issue 127, 4 July 1914, Page 7

THE TRIUMPH OF MRS PORTER.

- [Written for THE STTN.] Mrs Porter put down the cup she was drying, sniffed twice, and wiped her eyes on a corner of the tea towel. After one sharp glance at her mother's face, Miss Porter snatched the towel from her, and proceeded to dry the neglected piece of crockery with ostentatious display. "With another heart-rending sniff, Mrs Porter picked up the dry dishes and took them into the kitchen.. •' "Cocky wants a bit, Cocky wants & bit." This from a pink and grey par r rot, whose cage stood on a ricketty little table in a corner. <<gh— s i m t up," sobbed Mrs Porter. "Anybody in? Puss, puss. -Pretty Joey,'' continued the parrot, undaunted. "Pretty Joey nothin'; shut up.'' Bustling into the kitchen, Miss Porter dumped the remaining dishes on the table. "There you are; you can be putting them dishes away while I make the beds." 1 < Cocky wants his dinner, Cocky wants his dinner, Cocky wants his dinner!" repeated the bird, his voice rising with each repetition. "Shut up, you unsympathetic brute. Shut up,, can't you?" screamed the exasperated Mrs Porter. "iOh, shut up yourself, ma," exclaimed her daughter, disgustedly; "you make a jolly sight more row than the parrot." ' "I don't care if I do, Polly, I think you are a most unfeelin' girl. You haven't even asked me what I'm crying for, yet."

MOh, I can guess.. You've been having another row with Miss Jones. Now, haven't yon, mat" "Y—yes, I have.' I told her about them: two new boarders -that's coming, aiid asked her if she would.mind sharing my room along with me, and let the two sisters have her rbom, so's JDhey needn't be separated.' Then she give me cheek, said she paid her board same as anybody else, and didn't . see why she should be shifted all over the house. My ; room ain't all over the house, and I told her so. Then ;she said her pa wouldn't let her sleep in the same room with an old woman. Old woman indeed! And me only 51 come August. Howsomever, I told her I'd have to consult you, and if you was willing to come along with me, - she could have your room. Will you come in with me, Polly?" she added, pathetically. "Oh, yes; I'd go into the blooming

coal shed if I thought it would keep peace.' * "It ain't my fault'if peace ain't kept. I tried to be more cheerful after I'd got over the first -sliock of her impklence. I even ,ask|d her if she'd like some Stilton cheese.. I told her it was prize sent down from the country by my own brother, thinking to cheer her up, like. And what do you think she saids . She asked me if it had won the first prize at arbullfight. That '.s the -sort ofi thing a lady has to put up with when she takes in boarders. She didn'i believe it was Stilton. #t &iiy- if lady she'd have known a good Stilton ch«B&se when she saenvft." '*' '*Never mind, ma,", said . "her daughter, relenting a little, "; when' I'm married, you can come and live with me.''

'• (t . Don't—don't talk about ■ getting married, Polly,',' :pleaded MrsJ?orter, her tears flowing afresh. "I couldn't sponge on you like that there motber-in-laW we saw in the v pictures,. last weefc,: and whatever I do without'you? Miss would be bound to take advantage of'-my" loneliness.' '■•' '' Well, ma, what, do you expect me to do? Tell Charley to go and look for,another girl?" .. "No, no; of course I,don't want you to do that. If you did, Miss Jones would be sure to get hold of him. Think how she would triumph over us!" "It's nothing but Miss Jones, Miss Jones, all. day. long. I = don't ..believe you'd care a rap if I did throw Charley over. Miss Jones is a disease with you." '' So 'd she be a disease with you if you had to put up with her impertinence the way I have to." "No, you don't have to, ma. You can tell her to clear'out, and' be done with it* She's only paying 12/6 a week, anyhow." - ; This last suggestion was too much for Mrs Porter, who, completely overcome at the bare idea of losing 12/6 a week, sat down on the sofa cushion, and burst out crying again. At which the parrot laughed maliciously. • Mrs Porter cast one reproachful glance at the bird, buried her.face in the fur of jbhe .Persian) kitten that was curled up on the sofa cushion, and gave vent to her feelings in loud and pro l longed sobbing; : <. •

"Every t —time you and me -has ihad a fight, it has; always p—been through Miss. J—Jones.'.'

Polly raised a warning nhger. "Hush, ma, here she'comes\' : ' ! '; • The door was pushed open, and the much-discussed Miss Jones entered. Taking a glass frojn the dresser, she said, casually: "I shouldn't be a bit surprised if someone has been talking, about me to-day. My left ear has been burning all the morning."

Mrs Porter cast a" guilty look at her daughter, who, however, replied with

perfect composure; "Oh, well, you know, Miss Jones, the good Book says we are sure to get what we deserve if we only wait long enough." A look of blank -horror overspread the features of the portly-landlady, and a hot flush rose to Miss Jones's cheeks. Turning to Mrs Porter, she said sharply: "Unless I receive an apology from your daughter for this impertinence by to-morrow morning, I 'll thank you to take a week's notice. *' With that, she flounced out of the room. Mrs Porter found her voice with j&iiEculty. "Now you've,done it, Polly. She won't stay now-unless you beg her pardon." ''She needn't; nobody wants her." "Nobody mightn't want her, but I want the 12/6 a week bad enough. It's no good, Polly, you simply must apologise. " • ."I shan't do no such thing," replied Polly, sharply. " You haven't got no 'Spirit. I'm ashamed of you, ma," The recalcitrant one was spared the .necessity of listening to further admonition from her mother through the advent of the postman, whose knock she answered with alacrity. . "A letter for you, ma," she said in a propitiatory tone. Opening the letter, Mrs Porter's expression of indifference changed quickly to one of. excited pleasure. "Polly, dear, what do you think? You won't have to. apologise. Ypujr cousin has got a position in a shop, and is coming-to-board "with "lis." Folding up the letter with tremendous determination, Mrs Porter strode down

the passage, and rapped triumphantly at Miss Jones's door. It was opened with leisurely dignity, and Miss Jones stood there, with upraised chin, personification of offended virtue. "Well, Mrs Porter, I hope "you've come to apologise for your daughter?" '' No, Miss Jones, I have not.'' Mrs Porter ; s voice trembled with suppressed triumph. "I've eome," she continued impressively, "to give you a week's notice." Miss Jones's jaw dropped in sheer aniazement. "You —you've what?" "Yes," repeated her landlady, her arms akimbo, "a new lady boarder is coming next week, and she's going to pay 14/- a week." "■ : With that she swung round on her i ample heel and strode back to the kitchen. "Cocky wants his, dinner, Cocky wants his dinner,'' screamed the parrot. "Yes, my darling bird," replied Mrs Porter soothingly, "you shall have it this very minute." V. E. L.