Hints For Newlyweds

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 1034, 26 July 1930, Page 18

Hints For Newlyweds

others. One explanation of this may be that the divorced parents might have been more emancipated and thus gave their children greater freedom than that achieved by those who dwelt in homes where the parents were harmonious and remained together. "I was interested to note that the unhappy, looking back over a stretch of years, felt that they were happier during their high school days than at any other time in life. It was equally interesting to find that the happy believed they had been most unhappv during that particular period, so that the two extremes.for once seemed to meet. "There was a slight advantage in favour of happiness for those who had been brought up in small towns rather than in big cities. An interpretation of this might be to the effect that the small-town children had better health, better playtimes and a more w-holesome set of standards. They got happiness out of simple things rather than from excitement and more stimulating experiences. "I was not surprised to find that fears, sensitiveness and shyness were major factors in unhappiness. Two surveys have verified the fact that the shy person is an unhappy person. “While it was found that there were more unhappy persons among the unmarried than the married in the aduit happiness study, this may have been due to disappointments in love. The single persons may have compared their actual state with their ideal one, which, if attained, might not have proved so desirable, after all. But, living with unfulfilled dreams and ideals about a joyous state which they might have achieved and which they did not, they felt as if they had been injured by life. They may have magnified their unhappiness "Does one know, after all, whether or not one is happy or unhappy? Howcan we define the two states? People may not always realise when they are well off or when they are fortunate, but they do know whether they are happy or unhappy. No one else has any basis for judging our happiness except ourselves. We may misjudge our own condition and station in life, but we know when we are happy or the opposite. "I should say that a person might be called happy if he is cheerful most

of the time, has high spirits, lasting satisfactions and if his days are filled with interesting things. He feel> that his health is good, his loTe afi. justments are satisfactory, and hi? friends and his religion and his pa». times all contribute to his sense of well-being and contentment.” Referring to one of the tables in the study, in which relationship ot aspects of happiness to the total happiness score was dealt with. Dr. Watson said: "Health and hobby interests, it would appear, are more closely related to happiness among women than among men, and satisfaction in love, marriage and vocation Is more clearly related to the general happiness among men than among women. “Normal and happy groups divided about sixty-forty in desiring the companionship of a desirable person ot the opposite sex. Ninety-five per cent, in the unhappy group chase the opposite sex. Thus it would clearly indicate that disappointment in love is a major factor in unhsppiness. "The love element entered the situation in still another way. Love sod harmony between the parents and between the child and his mother and father were greater in the homes from which the happy group came, though in the home where domestic dissension existed divorce seemed to make for greater happiness for the children or, at any rate, it was not a factor to be deplored from the standpoint of the children’s later welfare. Neither was the fact of a mother's career. "Self-consciousness characterised the unhappy group. For some of these the anodynes were the arts and alcohol. Alcohol was placed among the non-essentials by 92 per cent of the average of happy persons hut by only 77 per cent, of the unhappy group. Dances and parties were important for 4he unhappy." After identifying himself with either the happy or unhappy groups, it is cow possible for the reader to employ remedial measures where his own case is concerned. If he fits Into the happy group there is. of course, no need to do any doctoring. But if by chance he is numbered among the unhappy, he might try getting married, overcoming his shyness, going in for the outdoor life or buckling down to hard work.