MY KINGDOM FOR A BUS

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 996, 12 June 1930, Page 10

MY KINGDOM FOR A BUS

YF this should meet the eye of any bus-fanciers, I don’t mind putting them on to a good thing. It seems—and I read it in the papers myself, so it’s almost sure to be true—that the Auckland Transport Board has decided to sell a score or so of its buses by auction. If any bus-lovers want to snap up one of the delightful things, cheap, now's their chance. Bus-snappers, take notice! The buses have seating ao'-ommoda-tion for 20 or 21 persons, thi ir bodies and seats are all in good order, and they are fully shod. Of course, I shall buy one. Think of the opportunity! At present when I go to catch the morning bus. it nearly always gets away again. To be sure, I nearly caught it this morning, but after chasing it for half a mile I dropped my piece of toast, so naturally the thing got clear. And then there’s the 5.10 bus home. I don’t know what referees have got to complain about. If they had to catch the 5.10 bus home, they’d give up refereeing and write a war book. But think of owning one’s own bus! The driver would bring it up to the curb, repulse the crowd, and then, touching his cap to you. say “Your bus, sir!” Whereupon you would say: “Thank you, James. Drive home, please,” step calmly on board, and with a cool level glance at the rabble out In the rain, you would be bounced pleasantly homeward. And what is more, you could choose any seat you wished. Think of that! You could even put your feet out the window. Or. if you pleased, there would be nothing to prevent you from strap-hanging all the way home. How many motorists can say that about their cars? When you come to think of it. who is to know that you bought the thing second hand? I grant you the crest on the Side is a bit of a snag, but what is to stop you painting out the “Auckland” in “Advance Auckland." and substituting "Tomkins" or “Footle” or whatever your name might be? “Ah, yes," you would say to admiring visitors, “that’s our family crest. Great-grandfather won it at Agincourt” (or Bannockburn or in an art union or anywhere you wish). Ideal as a bus is as a conveyance, there is a sporting side to the question. What about having the engine underslung, or supercharged, or whatever it is one does to racing engines, and then trying it out on the .dirt track? A broadsiding bus race would be the hit of the season. Another point. Consider for a moment the merits of the humble bus as a residence.

You don't need a section. No need to look for a desirable bus site for sale before you settle down. For with your better half on your arm, you can step from the church straight into your house, and drive it away with you. After your honeymoon, why not hold a bus-warming? You could send out invitations in this style— Mr. and Mrs. Blank, request the pleasure of Mr./Mrs./Miss ....’« company at a bus-iearming, to be held in their new bus on Tuesday next. Picnic on Pavement at 9 p.m. Dancing in Road. R.S.V.P. And you could live where you fancied. Parking bans wouldn’t worry you because you’d be occupying your car all the time. “Where shall w-e live tonight, dear?” your wife would ask. “Oh, let’s try Quay Street," you’d reply airily, “Karangahape Road was perhaps a little too populous last night.” And you’d drive round to Quay Street and settle down comfortably for the evening. But the real joy of bus living would become apparent when visitors began to call. “Harold! quick! here’s the vicar coming!” your wife might squeal. “Right ho!” you’d say, “Hang on!” And you’d jump to the wheel, step on the gas, and away down the road like lightning while your wife made faces at the vicar, out of the back window.

Yes, there’s no doubt about it, buses have great possibilities and I shall undoubtedly buy one—that is, of course, if they'll take 3s 6d down and 9d a week for 99 years. If they can’t even make the buses pay, I might get away with it.