FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 995, 11 June 1930, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By

“THE LOOK-OUT MAN.”

THE LAST LAUGH Convicted of stealing blankets, clothing and food to the value of £5 two men informed the magistrate that the offence was committed “as a joke." Just a joke. Why the croak? For it’s not as if the two of us were broke: We would make it plain enough that the action was a bluff. And we commandeered the stuff As a ioke. Just a joke? (S.M. spoke) Well we like to meet such brightly-witty folk. - o ™ Have you heard this one of mine?: Try a “fiver” as a fine. Or a journey “up the line” As a joke M.E. * * * HEHOIBM AND BTCKLES From Hamilton comes the sad story of the man who had the worst job at the Waikato Winter Show. He was Mr. George Heald. the judge of tha home industries section, who is recognised as an authority on such delicac ies as pickles, jams and preserves. In the course of his duties at the show Mr. Heald painstakingly opened hundreds of bottles and jars, and subjected his palate to the delights of jams of every possible variety, pickles of every size, shape, and blend, and preserves that were good, bad, and indifferent. The inevitable happened. On four occasions during his work the heroic man became indisposed and was obliged to retire. In sympathis iug with Mr. Heald, one must remember the handicap imposed upon con:* petitors whose wares were tested in the latter part of the session. The best of pickles would scarcely appeal to one who felt thoroughly bilious. Holding a nice lump of “green, greasy bacon” before the eyes of a seasick tripper would be nothing to it.. HAOK-EOW ADVISERS * One of the features of any public boxing bout, is that certain members of the audience invariably know a great deal more about the business at hand than the men concerned. At least, so it would appear. Having gazed with considerable interest at the spectacle of Mr. Walker making a har-bell of Mr. McDougall and Mr. McDougall making, a reef-knot of Mr. Walker, the L.O.M. is able to reflect that wrestlers also are cursed with this particular type of follower. On Monday evening weedy youths gazed at the giants in the ring and chanted ferociously: “Dump ’im! Throw ’im out of the ring, Walker! Use your weight, Mac. Screw ’is ’ead round!” The singular fact is that the weedier the onlookers, the more barbaric are their views. It would be interesting to witness the staging of an “interjectors’ night” with an audience of boxers and wrestlers and a group of back-row advisers in the ring. BEA-BEHPEHTB Do or did sea-serpents exist? Friday’s article reviewing this oftdebated question brings memories of a New Zealand sea-serpent story that provided for a little Southern biweekly newspaper, the "Bluff Press and Stewart Island Gazette,” the one great scoop of its career. A rotund old Stewart Island fisherman whose somnolent habits contrasted quiie sharply with the name of his little vessel, the Hawk, returned from the fishing-grounds one afternoon in a state of violent agitation. His boxes were barren of fish (a not unusual thing), but his excited explanations to his principals provided a startling excuse. Pie had seen a sea-serpent—-a great sea-serpent with a long, twisting body. It had a big head and glittering eyes, and the tongue in its open mouth was forked. It swam round and round the boat and the fisherman kept it at bay by feeding his catch of fish to it one by one. GOBBLED VP The old fisherman explained that he had wakened from an afternoon nap to find the serpent looking at him over the gunwale. Being alone in the boat and unarmed, he could do nothing, but after' the serpent had gobbled up all his fish it swam away. The .story spread about the township with great rapidity and, in due course, it in turn was gobbled up—hook, line and sinker, so to speak—by the “Bluff Press and Stewart Island Gazette.” A few days later an issue of the paper contained a frontpage article of considerable dimensions, topped with a decorative heading representing a giant sea-serpent ploughing through a turbulent sea. It was an impressive journalistic effort, though, to the credit of those responsible, It must be said that the article was in lightish ■vein. There Is no doubt that the fisherman concerned missed his vocation. He should have practised as adviser, say, to forgetful husbands, who would be able to enter the happy home any evening and say dramatically: “Dear, I did remember those things you wanted, but on the way from town we met a sea-serpent and we kept him at bay by feeding parcels to him.”