SNOW DROPS.

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 813, 6 November 1929, Page 8

SNOW DROPS.

rpHE Chateau Tongarivo having been declared officially open to receiv, as inmates any or all of those people who are desirous of climbing a fe, thousand feet of mountain, and then sliding down to where they started from, the time is appropriate, pe : . haps, to say a few words on the sub. ject of ski-ing. Skis are long flat pieces of wood about seven feet in length, which theoretically are designed for attach, ing to the feet, one ski per foot, to enable you to slide gracefully over the snow-clad slopes of mountain, thus arousing the admiration and envy of all poor boobs who can’t ski. Actually, skis are an invention of the devil, designed expressly for the purpose of immediately bringing th e wearer to a state of nervous and phv. sical prostration, and all onlookers to hysterics, at the ski-er’s expense.

Skis should really be classed with the more criminal type of practical joke such as itching powder, the «, ploding cigarette, and the flower buttonhole that squirts water in the face of the unfortunate who has been invited to smell it.

However, you still wants to ski! Poor devil, I wash my hands of you. Come on, then!

Skis, you will note, are fairty light You wait till you’ve carried them up 4,000 feet of mountain. Each ski

has a beautiful point at one end. You carry two skis over your shoulder, iu order that these points may poke out the eyes of the person,behind you. One ski, one eye. I will walk it j front and carry the book of instructions. . * * These asterisks indicate a period of time. Say two hours. It will seem to you like two years, but never mind that. You are now up on the ski-ing grounds. Of course, you can go higher up, if you like. No? Just as you please, of course. The next thing to do is to yodel. Try to sing any song immediately after carrying a rucksack and a pair of skis for a 4,000-foot climb! The result will be a cross between a gargle and a hiccough. That’s how yodelling was invented. Climbers always yodel when they get to the top. They take a song, and gargle it. • It’s the best they can do. >t Or you can recite ’’Excelsior.” If you do that, you deserve everything that’s coming to you. And you’re going to get it. I'm glad. Now, skiing. Having buckled your skis on your feet, you gingerly stand up. So far, ao good. We will now practise a standing turn. - What does the book say. “Standing squarely on the skis, the inside leg should be raised forward until it is at right angles to the body, and the butt end of the ski rests or the ground. The leg should then he swung outwards and downwards until the ski rests flat on the ground, and pointing toward the rear. The ski-er should then transfer his weight on to this foot, at the same time lifting the other foot, turning round, and bringing the other ski up and over to lie parallel to and facing with the first ski. He is now facing in the opposite direction to that in which he started. . , All right! Ho it! Or. rather, let me tell you what you will do. Yt® will raise the inside foot as per prescription, turn it round until you are standing with your feet pointing n> opposite directions and your bones crack. At this moment your firs'leg will suddenly dart away. You will have no time to let your ten leg know what your right leg north, you will perform the standing sputs. fracture your pelvis, dislocate bott legs, injure yourself internally, and lie grovelling miserably, half-buried in snow.

And everybody will roar with laug ter. and so shall T. . _ But this is only the beginm .• When you recover, and at learn to slide straight ahead, are many turns to be practised. l fl is the stem turn, the step turn, Telemark turn, the Christiania ' the jump turn, and a hundred otn But you, in attempting any of tn ’ will successfully perform oui> turn, the Friday Night , or Six Oc • Gents , Turn. You will shoot « the mountain side at ever-increas speed, and when you’re doing an -■ 300 m.p.h. your legs will disapP~ from under you, your skis will ’ your body will be hurled to *h3 v and you will vanish neck first a yawning ejevasse. , And enoup to make it, sa> • Your friends will eventually laughing and go away. You will remain in the ere With a hic y and a jacet.

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