TRUNK CALLS

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 759, 4 September 1929, Page 8

TRUNK CALLS

; m

M. N

_4f 11 o'clock: or Thursdau oiomfeusevs a news paragraph. rite Mayors Presidents of the Chambers o’ Commerce in Auckland. Wellington. < hristchurch and Dunedin it ill make telephone hist orin Xew Zealand They ?riil hold a round* table conference bn telephone—thouyh then will be hundreds of miles apart. The rostmaste -General. the lion. J. Donald, trill first address the conference from Wellington After that the Mayors of the four cities trill sag "Hullo," aui "flow do non do." and then the OT the Chambers of Commerce u-ill ex* change a few remarks on e'urrcnt events, T HAVE a natural dislike of anybody -*• who starts “mucking about” making more history, because at quite an early age I came to the conclusion that there was far too much history already, but I must confess to a certain awed won. der in the revelations concerning the procedure at mayoral round-table coafereuees. Vaguely, I had thought that mayoral conferences were functions where weighty matters of State were gravely discussed, of solemn statistics recited and Important Problems solved. I was wrong. I see it all now. Visualise an important mayoral coa. ference, the serious mien of the assembled Personages, the gleaming round table piled with methodical heaps of order papers and notes. Something ,Big on here! Then the chairman breaks into his opening speech. Tensely the company hangs on his words. “Hello,” he says, “How do you do?" A silence. Then slowly one of the mayors gets up. “Hello.” he replies, “How do you do?” (Wild applause aud cries of ' Hear, hear.”) Then another delegate gets up, “Hello, hello . . . ” he starts, and a chorus of voices answers him: “How do you do?” After this there is a brisk exchange of “Hellos” and “How-de-do's” and the conference rises, each one charmed with the cordiality of the sentiments expressed by- the other. They depart with the feeling that never before was the spirit of friendship stronger between the various cities. Of course, something may go wrong sometimes. There may be a lull in the exchange of •‘Hellos/* perhaps, and one of the delegates, thoughtlessly, might ejaculate: “Er, nice day?” There would be a dead silence, and then the chairman would glare at the culprit. “Out of order!” he'd snap; and amid the execrations of the assembly the miserable fellow would sneak away.

Interruptions like this could be frowned down in ordinary conferences, but without wishing to appear a "wet blanket” I can’t help thinking that a long-distance telephone conference might not be quite so successful in promoting that inter-civic amity which is so much to be desired. Let us try out a mayoral telephone conference and seei how it would go. B-r-r-r-r ! Hello! Hello! Are you there? Are you— Yes. of course, I’m here . . . Hello —-is that Wellington? Hello J How- do you do? Wellington (faintly): Is that yoilj Christchurch? Hello—hello—. Dunedin: Hello. Auckland —are ye there—quick mou. think o' the awfu* expense. How- do ye do? My gosh! The fellow has actually started to tell me how he's doing!

Exchange (sweetly): Did you get them? Voice from Somewhere near Taihape: ... So I said to him. “You can keep your chocolates,” I sez, “and I’ll trouble you never to speak to me again. Then he up and sez . . .*’ Auckland (hopefully) : Hello —are you there, Christchurch?—Hullo —.. . Voice (apparently) from the Grave: Is that Higginbottom’s? I want HiS* ginbottom's! Put me on to Higg—-•• Auckland (stolidly): Are you there, Christchurch? Hello! .. . Get off the line! Hello! Hello! Hello Voice (helpfully) : Who's yer ladyt friend? Another Voice: ...and Mrs. Pooter was there, my dear, and you know I can’t stand that woman, so she said... Auckland (miserably-): Is that Christchurch? Hello— Voice from the Grave again: I said Higginbottom’s Put me on to Higgin— Auckland (savagely) : Hello! Hellot Hell—! . . .