THE TEST OF AFFECTION.

Samoa Times and South Sea Gazette, Issue 12, 22 December 1877, Page 4

THE TEST OF AFFECTION.

♦ falax Adder in. the Philadelphia *• ' Bulletin.) Mil. Thorpk is a middle-aged widower, and some time ago he paid his addresses to Mrs, Botts, a widow on the shady side of R>rtv. Thorpe is rich, and after the widow aeeepted himjie began to fear that she'had token him for his money, and so he concluded to test her to ascertain if she really loved himself alone. So one evening when they were sitting together , in the parlor he said to her:

" Hannah, I've something unpleasant to tell you, but I am going to do it . because I consider it right that you should know it. Hannah what would i you say if I informed you that one of my knee pans is gone, and that I have a patent hinge on that leg > " " I should say that I care nothing for ( that, my dear; I have only one toe on j my left foot. The others were frost- , bitten off, and the ankle is all twisted , around crooked." , " You don't tell me ! " said Thorpe. j " Well, but I've something worse than , that. I might as well confess now that l the bald place on top of my head is not | really my scalp ; I've been trepanned. I . have a silver plated concern set into my skull a kind of sky-light You can lift it up and see down on the inside of me." " I'm glad you mentioned it, dear," . said the widow, " for it gives me courage . to tell you that I haven't a hair of my , own on my head. I am as bald as a chandelier globe." i '' Is that so ? Gracious! I never : should have expected it. But you will , be surprised to learn that none of my j teeth are natural. All false, and besides , that I have to wear an India-rubber , thingamagig on my palate to keep it i from dropping down." "I am very sorry for you, John, but , it's some comfort that all" my teeth are . false too, and that I am perfectly blind . in my right eye. It looks like a good , eye but it absolutely ain't worth a j cent." I "Great Heavens! Why didn't you , tell me of this before >. " exclaimed Thorpe. " But while we are on the j subject, I will say further that I have , chronic torpidity of the liver. How j does that striko you ?" " Oh, I don't mind it," said Mrs. Botts, "because I have been bilious and , dyspeptic for twenty yearn, and besides, I am one rib short it was broken in a railroad accident, and the doctor had to cut it out. I'm subject to fits, too." " This is horrible, said Thorpe. " Mrs. Botts I think you ought to have mentioned these things to mo when I proposod to you. I imagined that I was addressing a woman, a complete human creature. But what are you, Mrs. Botts ? Mrs. Bott*, you appear to me to bo a kind of dilapidated old Wreck, with not niore'n half the usual machinery about you. It's a wonder to me you don't fall to piece*," | "I am no worse than vou arc. You ' said yourself that you had a trap-door in the top of your head and a gum-elastic ' pulate." ( "Yes; but those things ain't true." said lhorpe, "I only told you übout

them to see if you really loved me. I'm 1 as sound as a 'dollar; DO inactive liver, or silver-plated skull, or anything. Hut vou seemed to be a kind of strung together, so's if you should knock aga'nst anything you'd "scatter all around over the carpet 1 think vou ought to let me oC " Very well, sir, SO I will. But let me tell you that I've gut nothing the matter witli me either. I only invented those stories to try you, because 1 know you were playing a game over inc. Now I know you don't love inc. You can go, sir." " Hannah, I take it all back. I do love vou.'' "Do you, really ? Then I love you more than ." But no; the curtain had better be drawn right here. The cold and selfish World has no business with such scenes as this. They are to be consolidated next month.