A COCKNEY IN AMERICA.

Stratford Evening Post, Volume XXXIII, Issue 1, 27 April 1912, Page 3

A COCKNEY IN AMERICA.

. “BOW BELLS” DISCOURSES ON THE ARISTOCRACY. (Express Correspondent.) “GputlA entail, I arsks ver, is this ’ore eonntrl*;r republic, or wot is it:'” We infonhed Bow Bells,..who has recently come from London and is now employed as handy mail in a newspaper office, that to the host of our knowledge the United States was Republican in its form of Government. “So 1 thinks afore I ’as the pleasure o’ visiting this land o’ the free lunch, but s’elp me, if I ain’t got suspicious wot somebody’s been ’avin’ me. I ’as the idea in Lunnon as a republic’s a sort o’ plice where people pyes no respect: p, social rank, an’ min’s their own business, ’avin’ too much to do to think ababt kings and dukes and s itch Ike people. That’s my chef idea o’ wot a. repnblc wog like. ,1 ’card orators in ’ldo Park on the subject; many times. “ 'Give us a republic,’ says they, ‘and’ we pyes no more attention to them belted earls’—which when I fust ’card abalit a earl bein’ bolted, I. thort it meant lie didn’t wear no brices, but kep’ ’em up aroun’ the wiste, not . as I knows now wot it means, though I knows it don’t mean wot I thort.” Bolted Earls. Bow Bolls paused and requested enlightenment on the subject of earls and belts. None of us offered to supply the deficiency in Ids education.* “It’s kinder funny none o’ you knows,” he said, “fur I ’as the feelin’ sorter forced on mo since 1 settled ’ere as all Americans knows all ababt them thinks. P’r’aps yon gen’I’men, bein’ members o’ the press, ain’t in tlio dibit o’ keeping much information in yer ’cads, relyin’ so to speak, on Wittekcrs an’ sitehlike books.” Again he paused for correction, but there was silence. “Well, any’ow,” lie continued, “s’elp me if I don’t ’ear more ababt Europe’s aristocrats since ] come to America than I ever ’card before in my ’ole lifetime at ’ome. I can’t pick up one o’ your pipers wivvout readin’ wot the Duke o’ Duni Dum j said to ’is missus when they wos (havin’ ’omc from the op’ra, an’ wot the Emperor o’ Germany said to ’is cldcs’ son when lie arsked ’imdid ’is trousers touch the grahnd, and wot. kind o’ language the Tcheceargo favver o’ Lady Pick-Mc-Up used when he couldn’t ’a.v pork temierlio iur breakfas’ in CV.vstle Tnmbh'iown. “It’s oar nun court r-omklcs at ’ome wot excites yon pressmen most. | "When nothink’s ’appenin’ in Englan’, I tiio rest o’ Europe ’as a chance to shine in American print, hut most always somethink’s ’appenin’ in ['lng-| iish hupivr suckles, i didn’t know it I when I wos livin’ in Englan’, but 1 ’as inside kunwlegc now. CuJlfMSOd. “Only I wishes, this ’ore penny dre’dl'ul news’d keep it silt stnglit. It’s rahthcr confusin’ the wye it j comas acres! ilia Atlantic. Jes’ at present, it’s ail ahaht smut* American! gal wot married one ol our oldes’ 1

>’j ’(irs'-'S, ;ii!’ re-;!<'(■!: <»! - il*;i it wiv Aukt.c;;m money, opin’ to slmvv us ;;il on thing's should be done. .1 “This ’ere poor Inly didn’t do . oim ■ ; tnink, or did do soi>.!<;■ tliink, or else •j I ’or disband d:d or dildii’t —the iusf I’j part o’ the serial was published some <■ I time before j arrived. Any wye, she J iiad lut ni.ue liken oil I.no court list. s Tito other dye S picks tip a piper, an > roads a story aoaiit ’on lior nlnio is > nor; had: on the list, wide!) is the i most important story o’ the dye J tic _ the pipers ’era. irray, I says, not ■ as [ knows the lidy, but bein’ partial, so to speak, to Femilos. l “The lies’ mornin’ i picks op an- .. other piper, an’ there's anotlior story i from Lunncvi, wit pictures o’ the pal. savin’ it’s all a niistike, an’ she aint - hack on (lie list at all. 'then the - other piper says as she is, an’ there , y’are. i “Then there was that tother story 1 abaht some American ’ornan wot amt - received ’ere in perlite s’ciety, gain’ ■ up to Buokin’cm Palace, an’ knockin’ i at the door, an’ callin’ on one of the t servants, who interjuees ’or to orl I the members o’ the rylo family v.ot’s i at ’orne. Ain’t that a lac’f” Bow Bells paused for contradiction, hut none in truth could be given, and none was advanced. Family Jars. “1 says to myself, says I, this ’ ’ore’s a queer go, fur the piper wot i printed tho news in one o’ the inns’ ■ respectable in \oo York. A couple ‘ o’ dyes after, a, sec on’ piper, wot’;-; i not os ’igh toned, ’as the same cahlc- . grain, an’ then the fust piper, to go its ' rival one better, ops and says as its, a | mistike, an’ the ’oman didn’t call at the Palace utter all. , “I don’t mind'fur myself so much. ; Bein’ a man, I kin stan’ these sudden 1 chynges abaht, an’ any’ow, 1 ain’t much int'rested in hopper suckles, , ’avin’ my own suckle to move abaht in. But I fears fur the ’ealth o’ my > missus. When I kings ’oine the piper = in the {'veilin’, she grabs it afore we I as any think to cat, , and wants to ■ know the latest abaht the trouble bo- ■ tween some earl an’ ’is wife, an’ wot’s ’ gnin’ to ’npuen if the princess really don’t go to her father’s ball. I “She was never gieven to letter I writin’ at ’ome, hut now she’s spendin’ a couple o’ bob o week, sending letters to all ’er friends across the pond, arshin’ ’em if they ’card the ■ tumble news abaht the Dowager Lidy I Waltham Breen, or if they know the 1 real reason why the noble Lidy Pelikuu > didn’t go to the Poring Office ball, an’ > all sitchlike things. “I never knows the missus to act 1 like this afore, but wot’s a man t’clo? -All’s I kin sys is it’s a funny think 1 to ’appen to a respectable workin’ man’s ’ousc’ohl on account o’ Ins leavin’ a monarchy an’ cornin’ to a republic.”