THE BEST AGE FOR MARRYING Doctor’s Opinions

Southland Times, Issue 23716, 14 January 1939, Page 14

THE BEST AGE FOR MARRYING Doctor’s Opinions

I sometimes think that almost any age is the right age for marrying, if both individuals are really in love and determined to make a go of it; for I have seen the most “impossible” ages work out in ideal marriages (says Frank H. Richardson, M.D., in an article condensed from Holland). There is no doubt, however, that some ages put greater strain upon marital relation than do others. What then, is the ideal age for marrying, considering not only the husband and wife, but also the children who are to come? There is very little doubt that extremely early marriage is a rather dangerous experiment. It sounds fine |to say that husband and wife will i grow up into maturity with the same interests, and so will be more securely bound together with the years. As a matter of fact, however, what is very much more likely to happen is that the wife will stop developing while the husband continues to grow. His interests outside the home become more engrossing, while she finds domestic life with no outside stimulation

a pretty deadly monotonous affair. Even children may separate them, rather than draw them together: for an intelligent husband may well resent the immature attitude of a very young mother toward the responsibilities of maternity. Had they waited only a few years —say, until the husband is 25 or 26, the wife 22 or 23—things would have been far more auspicious. A girl by this time has had her college course or some years of business experience; she should be ready to look on life as a little more serious than a school lark; and she is better prepared to make a real home for her family. Waiting very much longer than this —say, until either or both are over 30 —opens up new complications. Folks as old as this are likely to have rather decided opinions about little things; they have become more or less “set in their ways”; they hesitate to go the more-than-half-way that is the salvation of any human relationship and more particularly of marriage. To be sure, they have by this time had an opportunity to get rid of the silly sentimentalism and the unreasonable expectations that make many marriages such hard going; but this is very likely to be more than compensated for by a loss of the power to adjust in the personal matters that make all the difference between happiness and misery. Marriage grows increasingly uncommon as the years advance—and probably increasingly hazardous as well. While happy marriages seem to be possible at any age, few would be willing to advise waiting until later middle life. And yet the very fact that a man and a woman have waited so long before attaining their happiness sometimes makes them ready to go to almost any lengths to safeguard and cherish it. What about the comparative ages of bridegroom and bride? In America common custom seems to favour a difference of two or three years. While I have no reason for agree-

f , ing with this particular custom, I am quite frankly convinced that any marriage is rather heavily weighted that has to contend with any seniority on the part of the wife, or with more than 10 years’ seniority on the husband’s : part. For some strange reason the American male seems to feel humiliated : if he is even a day younger than his ■ wife; and he treasures up a sense of ■ injury that is likely to grow stronger with the appearance of other differ- : ences. As to the objection to the husband’s ■ being so much the wife’s senior, this is not so difficult to understand and ; sympathise with. If marriage is to be I the successful pooling of interests and ; abilities j and characteristics that most • of us believe it can and should be, ; there must be a great deal in common t i to start with. : j Another great objection to such ■ marked differences in the ages of husl band and wife is the fact that he will , be so much older than his children. 1 ; Furthermore, the chances are greatly ’ against his living to see his children i well established in life. Even though ; he is able to leave his family well

provided for financially, the loss he inflicts upon them by his death is a very serious one. , Of course, too, one always suspects the possibility of “gold-digging” when a girl or young woman marries a man old enough to be her father. Some men, it is true, accept this possibility with their eyes open, considering the game worth the candle. But it is far from a hopeful foundation upon which ; to base a happy marriage. I Marriage is going to stand a far I better chance of being the successful, permanent relationship everyone wants . it to be and knows it should be, when I we bring ourselves to realize that there Jis always plenty of time to stop, look land listen before crossing the track. And age is one of the things that may well be considered carefully, in the early stages of acquaintanceship.