Original Verse

Southland Times, Issue 23444, 26 February 1938, Page 5 (Supplement)

Original Verse

The first lines of this poem are very good, Cousin Ella, but the last ones are weak. Rewrite them, using the same rhythm and pattern as you did in the first four. SUNSET | The flaming rays of sunset, Are sparkling on the waves That ripple in the harbour, And rumble in the caves. The birds twitter their “Good-nights” As twilight’s drawing near, And then mysterious shadows Gleefully appear. —3 marks to Cousin Ella Burgess (13), Dipton R.D.

Congratulations, Cousin Margaret. This is the best poem that you have written. What do you mean by “extending blast”?

WINTER The winter has come with extending blast, And the hail and rain do blow; As the stormy wind sends driving forth The blinding sleet and snow.

The sweeping blast, the sky overcast, That joyless month of May; As bird and beast in cover rest, To pass the ice-cold day.

Let others fear that howling gale, For me, it soothes my soul, The leafless trees my fancy please As to and fro they roll. —3 marks to Cousin Margaret McCleery (11), 193 Ritchie street.

You have ideas, Cousin Patricia, and can express them, but you have still much to learn about rhythm. Study some of the poems in your school book of verse and note how even and unstudied the metre is LAKE WAKATIPU

Like a turquoise set, In a ring of gold, The lake lies still, So still and cold.

And grim and purple, With caps of white, Thd mountains are etched, In soft moonlight. —2 marks to Cousin Patricia Henderson (13), Waikana, Mataura.

Cousin Elva has attempted a very difficult type of poem for which she is not yet ready. Wait until you have had more experience in versewriting, my cousin. The poem has possibilities and later you will be able to write something better on the same lines.

A VISION OF VICTORY Down they swooped a vision of victory in their minds; Little did they think of what was in front of them, But before their eyes was victory.

But then came tragedy. So unexpected it came. From their minds swiftly raced The vision of victory.

That night on the battlefield, Strewn before the eyes of many, ' Lay the ones now in heaven Who saw the vision of victory. —3 marks to Cousin Elva Denoon (11), .Glencoe.

Now that you understand rhythm, Cousin Nita, you must try to improve the words you use to express your ideas. Take the trouble to think over any line which you think could be bettered. “Bright” is not an adverb, my cousin.

MY LAMB ' I have, a lovely little lamb, Her coat is' snowy white. Her eyes are blue as azure skies, And always twinkle brightly.

Her shoes and stockings are of brown, Her face is soft and kind. And even when I’m rough with her, She doesn’t seem to: mind.

She is such a lovely play-mate, She’s never bad or cross, But loves to have a romp with me Upon the soft green moss. —3 marks to Cousin Nita Hall, V.A.C. (13), Dipton R.D,