ORIGINAL VERSE

Southland Times, Issue 22993, 12 September 1936, Page 23 (Supplement)

ORIGINAL VERSE

Cousin Isohel’s lines always run smoothly and evenly, and this is quite a good example of her verse. “Craft” and “laughed” are not perfect rhymes, my cousin. PEACE.

Where the silver river slipped, Winding clear and cool, Where the fluffy ducklings dipped, Lay a sheltered pool. Slender rushes rimmed it round, Willows dreamt above, Winds with tender, crooning sound, Sang a song of love. Out among the lilies sweet, Lay a tiny craft, Dreamers found a perfect seat, Where the ripples laughed. What a place of perfect rest, Hidden from the world, Happy thoughts were always best, When the lilies furled. —3 marks to Cousin Isobel McKenzie (14), Dipton. Cousin Nita has a good sense of rb.vthm and rhyme. The second verse is the best; the others are rather uneven. I have made one or two alterations, you will notice. MRS MOUSE'S HOLIDAY. Mrs Mouse was going, Out for a holiday, And thought she would leave her children, At home with sister May. But Micky took the whooping-cough, And Minnie had the mumps, Susie was bad with the measles, And John was in tire dumps. And young Billy Mouse was groaning, ’Cause he’d swallowed a bone, So Mrs Mouse her holiday, Had to spend at home. —3 marks to Cousin Nita Hall (11), Dipton R.D. Congratulations, Cousin Freda. Poems with short lines are difficult to write effectively, but you have managed very well. SPEEDING. My bicycle Is a jolly thing, It has a bell, I like to ring. I pedal it So very fast. And houses just, Go whizzing past. Along the street I love to fly. The people wave, As I go by. —3 marks to Cousin Freda Heenan (10), South Hillend R.D., Winton. This is your best poem, Cousin Daisy, and I hope your next ones will be even better. It has a definite, well-marked rhythm which is well maintained. The first two lines vary slightly from the others, having one extra syllable at the beginning. The verse could be improved by altering this. A STREAM. There’s a little stream goes rippling, By the farm where I was bom, Its music makes me sleep at night, And wakes me in the morn. No other stream that I have seen, Sings half so sweet a song, Or sends out such a melody, As fast it speeds along. It says to me when I am tired, Sit down, and rest by me; Your troubles I will take away, And drown them in the 3ea. —4 marks to Cousin Daisy Wilson (11), South Hillend. Cousin Imelda has a number of good ideas, and when she has learned the construction of poetry, should write good verse. Divide the lines into feet, and see how irregular then try to write again, keeping a definite and tegular pattern. THE BREEZE. How beautiful is the gentle breeze, Flying through the leafy trees. How it gushes along, Like a windy song, _ Singing and whistling, Like something bristling. —3 marks to Cousin Imelda Kirkwood (10), South Hillend, Winton R.D. LIMERICKS. The first two are not good limericks, but the third is a better example. The repetition of “said,” though necessary to the rhyme is not correct. There was a young man from Berlin, Who was so terribly thin, So he ate apple pie, And thought he would die, That silly young man from Berlin. There was a wee girl from St. Mabie To do sewing she was able, So she stood on her head, With her needle and thread, That little wee girl from St. Mabie. There was a young man from St. Clair, Who had a very nice chair, '» So he stood on his hat, And said “Now that’s that,” Said the silly young man from St. Clair. —4 marks to Cousin Mhari Hamilton (11), Cloverdean, Lumsden. Before you write another limerick, study the construction of a model. Note where the accents fall, the length of the lines, and the rhyme pattern. Then Uy a S .in. LIMEBICKS. There was an old cow from Spain, Who was eating grass when it rained, She put up her head, And ran into the shed, That silly old cow from Spain. —2 marks to Cousin Theresa Kean (8), South Hillend R.D., Winton. There was a young boy called Fred, Who always played with lead, His mother came out, And gave him a clout, But there was no sign of Fred. 2 marks to Cousin Imelda Kirkwood (10), South Hillend, Winton, R.D. You will notice in these verses, Cousin Ray, that in nearly each verse the rhythm is different. Each by itself is good, but together they make a patchy whole. The ideas are good, and the thoughts are very well expressed. NIGHT. Cool breees blow over the tower, Breezes of the night. The pale moon shines through a shadow of clouds, With dim and faintest light. From the trees so tall and ghostly, ♦ Comes the night-owl’s dismal call. With the bull-frogs steady croaking, And a murmuring waterfall. The road is white and gloomy, - Dappled with the trees. The cobwebs all are swaying, And swinging with the breeze. The moon dips underneath a cloud, Darkness reigns the world, The moaning oak and elm trees, Are ships with sails unfurled. —4 marks to Cousin Ray McLeay (13), Otahu, Otautau-Blackmount R.D.