Shaun's Patch

Southland Times, Issue 22767, 18 December 1935, Page 6

Shaun's Patch

, A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. —Hudlbra*.

Recent matches in India suggest that cricket can be an Indore game. ♦ ♦ * ♦ It looks as if the East Coast railway may be a Semple thing after all. * * * * I was disappointed that the Broadcasting Board made no effort to give us a move-for-move broadcast, with effects, of the final of the World’s Chess Championship. » » » * Gossip: Current critical biography. * * * * Hell hath no fury like anybody’s corns. * * * * SOUTHLAND LIMERICKS. A martyr to chronic catarrh Was given a lovely cigarrh. Said he: “I can whiff This cigarrh as I sniff So I’m jake, trarrh-larrh-larrli, trarrh-larrh-larrh. * * * * Hose: The home gardener’s substitute for Heaven. * » * * Every time Mr de Valera talks in Ireland I thinly of an Irish stew. When is adore not adore? When they are married. ♦ * '* * Why aren’t free fights popular in Scotland? * * * * Xmas comes but once a year, So let us grateful be; For whose account could stand the strain If there were two or three? * * * * Divided skirts: Sisters have a row. ♦ ♦ ♦ * Love: The greatest force in the world. . Love: The greatest farce in the world. * * * * I have read that bagpipers usually walk about while playing because a moving target is harder to hit. *** . * One of the great domestic trials, about which stoic womanhood says nothing, preferring to bear this burden in silence, happens when the key of the sardine tin is lost. * * • * THE GREATEST TONSIL. The tonsil of the Consul Was feeling very sore, The Consul touched the tonsil And eloquently swore, While the staff a frightened look of apprehension wore. The Consul was a mighty man _ , And, though convention smashin, He roared as only lion’s can With riled appendage lashin’; He was as powerful as any Bull come out of Bashan. A mortal to the portal Of the Consulate appeared. ’Twas easy seen the mortal A warm reception feared For he heard the Consul’s counsel as the Consulate he neared. Though right and law were on his side, And likewise the convention, Though he had powers very wide— Too wide to merit mention — He feared the .Consul’s tonsil would result in some dissension. When of the swelling telling, The Consul with a curse Declared there was no swelling In this reddened universe One half as bad, in fact than all sick tonsils his was worse. Do not be tardy to believe This vainful declaration. ’Tis true, and though I sorely grieve I show in affirmation That it was bad enough to bring grim death unto a nation. Quite fearful, almost tearful The quaking delegate Went in; a roaring fearful Disturbed the Consulate When the tonsil and the Consul bellowed out: “You’ve m\de me wait!” All attempts the man could make To concoct apologies Were met with eloquence astake With new theologies And of Blue Books the very best of all anthologies. For the tonsil of the Consul Was feeling very sore And that impatient tonsil To pieces treaties tore And caused two friendly nations to conduct an awful war. Now show me in all history Indited or inditing, On land, or lake or open sea To equal this I’m skiting: A tonsil which all by itself could set two countries fighting.