Original Verse

Southland Times, Issue 22475, 10 November 1934, Page 19

Original Verse

I want you all to read Cousin Chrissie Ross’ “Trees” carefully, for it illustrates what I mean when I say you should have some outstanding thought, carefully developed, in your verse. “Trees” is not merely a description ot trees growing; it is more than that, and the idea that trees love to shelter a bird’s nest is an attractive and unusual one.

“TREES.” There is one holy rapture for a tree, One golden sweet ambition set apart; To hold a bird-nest and to shelter there The sacred music of a trusting heart; To feel the every beat, to know the hope That pulses in the loving mother breast, To set each tiny leaf in tender song A holy lullaby around the nest. Then shall a tree have understanding deep, And, welded in a chain of living love, Put on a glad and yet more tender gown, Reaching with clasped hands to the Great Above. —4 marks to Cousin Chrissie Ross (15), Maia, Dunedin.

Cousin Pat Henderson has written a pretty description of summer things, and with more practice she will soon overcome the difficulties of metre. The accented syllables should occur as regularly as the ticking of a watch, and if there are four accented syllables in one line there should be four in a corresponding line. I would like Cousin Pat to try her hand at writing verse with four accented syllables in the first and third lines, and three in the second and fourth. Let the rhyme pattern be the same as in “Summer Things,” a b c b.

“SUMMER THINGS.” Blue and white lupins, Lilac so sweet, Gold and scarlet tulips In rows so neat. Big peony roses, White and pink and red, Little white daisies, For a fairy’s bed. Tiny fleecy clouds, Floating in the sky, Happy birdies singing, Soaring up on high. —3 marks to Cousin Pat Henderson (10), Waikana.

Cousin Lilian Todd has sent me a Triolet—the first we have had since the competition a few weeks’ ago. It is usual in this form of verse to have an equal number of accented syllables in each line, usually only two. Lilian could have varied the repeated lines by altering the punctuation. For instanc, the last two lines could have read: “The sun was very bright. To-day, It smiled a merry smile.” The repetition of “day” in the fourth line was not good. There are many other words to choose from.

TRIOLET. The sun was very bright to-day. It smiled a merry smile. It shone on blooms in bright array, The sun was very bright to-day. • It was a perfect summer’s day, With sunbeams so agile. The sun was very bright to-day. It smiled a merry smile. —2 marks to Cousin Lilian Todd (14), Toa P. O.

Repeating lines in verse is a device which is permissable only when it produces some particular effect desired by the writer, and great care must be taken to avoid monotony. This verse would have been improved had Cousin Isobel worked up to a climax. I liked the line "watching the, sunset flare,” and the rhythm is much smoother than in any of this writer’s previous efforts.

“THE RIDE.” Galloping, galloping, galloping on, Over the plains in the sun. Galloping, galloping, galloping on, Oh! what a glorious run.

Galloping, galloping, galloping on, Over the hills and the hollows. Galloping, galloping, galloping on, Gaily the sun and wind follows.

Galloping, galloping, galloping back, Back through the cool golden shade, Galloping, galloping, galloping back, Watching the sunset flare.

Galloping, galloping, galloping back, Back through the coolg olden shade, Galloping, galloping, galloping back, Oh! what a run we have made. —2 marks to Cousin Isobel McKenzie (13), Dipton.